Best Waistband Poems

That day by the lake,
tattered jeans and old t-shirts,
my hand in your back pocket as we walked,
your thumb
hooked over the top of my waistband.
It was hot,
...damned hot.

You tilted your hat at a silly angle and laughed,
I looked over and thought
'Hot,
...damned hot'

Smiles exchanged and then a...

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Reality check... I’ve noticed the
Elastic waistband has
Started to get even tighter on my  wife's pants ....
Only I daren't suggest she gives up candy -
Lets just say if she doesn't get her daily ‘ fix’ she turns
Uglier than the incredible hulk!
Take it from me when...

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As soon as I convince myself that food is not my friend
This one-sided relationship will all come to an end

Each day when I arise I pledge an archetypal goal
To overcome the food addition pulling on my soul

But as the day goes forward, problems start to...

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My cousin’s just earned his degree
He majored in fartology
Now he can impart
What foods make me fart
He’s obsessed by scatology


I confessed that beans give me wind
(It matters not if fresh or tinned)
And onions and sprouts
In any amounts
cause farting that I can’t  rescind


The wind I produce...

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05/09/2018
                
                a sea of salt sand
        ...

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There are times when the body
is as numinous as words – Robert Hass

Others, however, when it declares forcefully
its sheer bodiness;
your stomach tightens the waistband
of jeans you bought just last month
in the style of a ‘boyfriend’ you don’t have,
and no jumper’s baggy enough.

Physicality forces outwards, running.
Hills...

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One particularly memorable critic referred to me as a neckbeard in a conversation with a friend this morning. Both of the twats were skinny, pencil-head net-dweebs, the types who frequent cesspools such as reddit.com or 4chan.org. I observed that both geeks were clad in t-shirts...

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She is Two Saints:
            

Your feet make you happy 
when they bring you to the garden
where you are merry.
You walk among red roses,
and take their scent in.

Your storied days and busy nights,
we'll have one...

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There's lots of play to underwear. 
I'll try to be discreet. 
It stretches to contain my boys 
Who hang down t'wards my feet. 
Elastic waistband hugs my hips, 
Prohibiting their fall, 
Much better than the outerwear 
Worn by Neanderthal. 

The Romans got the bright idea...

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Brenda is pretty, Brenda is sweet
She’s not very big, in fact she’s petite.

Brenda’s creative, now that’s a surprise
She has a good wit and has opened my eyes.

She’s cruel to a point,, my blunder she extols,
The trouble I have with some toilet rolls.

They roll from my...

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How could someone choose to live in such a wasteland
A polluted mess of burgers and fries in your hand,
Populated with emotional distress as tighter becomes the waistband,
Personal vendetta achieved bit by bit without love or a man
You have yourself to blame and have no pity...

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Being Bob

Bob, is just an ordinary guy in every sense of the word. Five ft eight inches tall, a little on the chubby side and has lost most of his hair. No one pays much attention to Bob, that’s just the way it has always...

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With lifeless eyes he forms the south side 
hand sign
represent his neighborhood is all he know
No remorse for his actions banging on the 
other side
Dope in his pocket pistol in his waistband 
pulling aiming firing shots with his left 
hand
Hot steel spiralling out the barrel...

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Argh, I Ne'er Got  Got Bran Did With...
A  Muffin Top Before - Why Now!?

Impossible firm he (reed myth self)
to compete with Adonis, no way no chance
asthma gut busts over
waistband of sweatpants,
the choice couture,
asper this poet, who kant's

cease spewing regularly
(quotidian) raves and rants
years ago...

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Christy did not know how she was going to fix the problem.
Her sister Carol, had confided in her.
Christy knew she could not let Carol return out of state with her abusive husband.
The abuser was glaring at her when Christy came into the living room.
“Where is...

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