Home » Poems » Jan Allison » I'M Having a Fart Attack

I'M Having a Fart Attack

My cousin’s just earned his degree
He majored in fartology
Now he can impart
What foods make me fart
He’s obsessed by scatology


I confessed that beans give me wind
(It matters not if fresh or tinned)
And onions and sprouts
In any amounts
cause farting that I can’t  rescind


The wind I produce is quite drastic 
as medics say my colon’s spastic
my poor tummy swells
I release foul smells
I’m thankful my waistband ‘s  elastic

FICTIONAL POEM FOR FART-TASTIC CONTEST

Sponsored by Chantelle Anne Cooke

09/15/21

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John Read

Date: 12/28/2024 11:00:00 AM

My friend was very fond of beans, and on brussel sprouts he was ever so keen, he would empty the room, has he farted in tune, to the anthem God save the Queen.

I Am Anaya

Date: 3/7/2022 10:40:00 AM

Jan this is a real GAS! I hope others get wind of it! LOL ; )

Caren Krutsinger

Date: 10/1/2021 12:15:00 PM

Hilarious in every direction!

Ann Peck

Date: 10/1/2021 10:32:00 AM

HaHa! That's too funny! And so very clever! And penned so perfectly! Congratulations on your win!

Beata Agustin

Date: 9/28/2021 5:55:00 AM

Wow! Congrats! Thanks for this "fartastic" muse of yours, making me chuckle. God bless you.

Joanna Daniel

Date: 9/27/2021 10:35:00 PM

Congratulations, Jan, fun ones:)

Paula Goldsmith

Date: 9/27/2021 9:05:00 AM

Congratulations on your win. What a fun/creative write. Love It. Have a blessed day with your win...............

Jack Horne

Date: 9/27/2021 4:48:00 AM

LOL, hilarious. I only recently discovered that there are drs of scat - some guy was on TV enthusing about a huge Viking turd, ha ha

Michelle Copeland

Date: 9/19/2021 2:07:00 PM

hahahaha! love it xx

Jennifer Proxenos

Date: 9/19/2021 9:59:00 AM

This is excellent Jan, you had me in stitches and my husband - supercalifragilisticexpealadocious! Hugs, blessings, Jennifer.

Delice Arleen Skelly

Date: 9/19/2021 9:11:00 AM

Fartastical poem Jan. lol...Delice

Geoffrey Brewer

Date: 9/19/2021 5:16:00 AM

May the wind be always at your back! Nice one, Jan

Rico Leffanta

Date: 9/17/2021 9:37:00 AM

You have blown the competition away with this entry! Aloha! Rico

Jan Allison
Date: 9/17/2021 3:54:00 PM

Thanks so much Rico:-) hugs Jan xx

Pratap Roy

Date: 9/17/2021 5:39:00 AM

Humourous ..... Enjoyed reading. God bless you.

Jan Allison
Date: 9/17/2021 3:52:00 PM

Thanks so much Pratap:-) hugs Jan xx

Anne-Lise Andresen

Date: 9/17/2021 4:41:00 AM

- You're still wonderful ... :))) - Have a lovely weekend, Jan :) - hugs // Anne-Lise :)

Jan Allison
Date: 9/17/2021 3:37:00 PM

Thanks so much Anne-Lise happy weekend xx:-) hugs Jan xx

Supraja Kannan

Date: 9/17/2021 4:36:00 AM

Hilarious, Jan... Thanks for the laugh...

Jan Allison
Date: 9/17/2021 3:37:00 PM

Thanks so much Supraja:-) hugs Jan xx

Beryl Edmonds

Date: 9/16/2021 7:41:00 PM

Brilliant Jan, love Lindsay’s reply, maybe you could go on tour with a Fartastical Musical… Belle :-) x

Jan Allison
Date: 9/17/2021 3:32:00 PM

lol thanks Belle:-) hugs Jan xx

Simon Hamill

Date: 9/16/2021 5:42:00 PM

Hi jan.you should meet my wife,as long as I'm not there.lol.its brilliant, thanks for the laugh.take care.simon:):)

Jan Allison
Date: 9/17/2021 2:04:00 PM

Thanks so much for the smile Simon!:-) hugs Jan xx

Lindsay Laurie

Date: 9/16/2021 5:26:00 PM

Hello Jan ... it won't be very long before you can fart the national anthem. Perhaps then you can enter Britain's Got Talent - Lindsay

Jan Allison
Date: 9/17/2021 2:03:00 PM

ha ha ha if I had any talent it would be a step forward lol:-) hugs Jan xx

L Milton Hankins

Date: 9/16/2021 8:44:00 AM

Perfect for the contest, Jan. I see this at the top of the list. Chantelle will love it, I'll bet!

Jan Allison
Date: 9/17/2021 2:02:00 PM

Thanks so much Milton i hope to be around a little more often but this week has been very tough - they have covid in mum's care home and lets just say getting info that it is NOT on her unit has been so distressing :-) hugs Jan xx

Mike Gentile

Date: 9/16/2021 3:58:00 AM

With a contest called "Fart-tastic", I KNEW you would heed that call and you did not disappoint!! Hilarious Jan!! Happy Thursday!

Jan Allison
Date: 9/17/2021 1:59:00 PM

Thanks sweet friend it has been a challenging week.. they have covid in mum's care home, at the moment she is ok and its not on her unit ... but it is such a worrying time:-) hugs Jan xx