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She Is Two Saints

She is Two Saints: Your feet make you happy when they bring you to the garden where you are merry. You walk among red roses, and take their scent in. Your storied days and busy nights, we'll have one together - turn off the lights. I know how to use my hand, under your waistband. We are in that rose garden and together it is right. I kiss you deeply, you sigh from your nose. I with my hand under your clothes. You are more than one; you are two saints. You come so hard you nearly faint.

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Caycay Jennings

Date: 7/29/2016 8:45:00 PM

I love the first two stanzas, the effect of the last came too fast/abruptly, not subtly set up. At the risk of falling in the gutter, I'm sharing for a laugh my thought that rhyming faint with taint might work better for a smooth punch at the end. HA (now I may get banned). There is much potential in this poem, creativity and talent as well - so please don't quit it! CayCay

Seth Diamond
Date: 8/25/2016 3:37:00 PM

cay cay, the poem was written in exchange for favors with a woman. Under those contexts the poem was successful.