Best Urination Poems
Little Susie had peed her new pants
Such an unfortunate circumstance
In front of her mother
She blushed a red colour …
then invented the wet knickers dance!
I used the poetry soup word generator and it came up with the word ‘urination’ … now how could I resist THAT challenge!!!
(In the UK pants and knickers are what are known as panties in the US)
26th January 2016
MAY CAUSE:
Fever, Stiff Muscles, Sweating, Confusion,
Uncontrollable Jerky Muscle Movements,
Fever, Chills, Body Aches, Flu Symptoms,
Sudden Numbness, Weakness, Problems With Vision,
Headache, Increased Thirst Or Urination,
Loss Of Appetite, Nausea, Dry Skin, Vomiting,
Drowsiness, Jaundice, Dizziness, Convulsions,
Weight Gain, Fast Heartbeats Or Uneven,
Upset Stomach, Choking Or Trouble Swallowing,
Anxiety, Insomnia, Constipation,
Rash, Itching, Diarrhea, Tooth Decay.
THIS DRUG HAS BEEN APPROVED BY THE FDA.
Husband and wife are inside their bed room sleeping,The wife is bordered and couldn`t sleep.She woke her husband,so as to iron out some issues.The clock indicates 1.45am.
WIFE: I don`t think I can bear this any more
HUSBAND:what`s the problem darling?
WIFE: The burden of this family is too much for me.It`s almost a year now.
HUSBAND:Don`t worry,It`s for a short time,I will soon take over my responsibility
WIFE: May be you should have taken that bribe of 2 million.
HUSBAND:What?Don`t say it again,sell my conscience and go against my principles and allow the importation of fake drugs.No way!The principles that I maintained jealously before hooking up with you.
WIFE: I know,I know;HHTT-Honesty,Humility,Truthfulness and Tolerance.
HUSBAND:Yes,my darling;you can still remember.
WIFE: But,look at what we`re been through because of losing your job.
HUSBAND:Don`t worry,I will get another one soon;...And you call yourself an advocator for women...what a man can do a woman can do better.Isn`t it?
WIFE: Yes,I believe in that.
HUSBAND:Then,what have you just done?I carried the burden of this family for ten years without complaining,you did it for eleven months and you are complaining.
WIFE: I still believe that women are better in understanding and governing than men.
HUSBAND:I disagree;There are some things that men can do and women cannot do them.
WIFE: I do not concur with that idea
HUSBAND:Okay,I will prove it to you experimentally.
HUSBAND:Follow me to the toilet,I will get two empty beer bottles; I will urinate in one and you in the other.No drop of urine should be on the toilet floor after urination.
WIFE: Oh,No!Darling you`ve won.I agree with you;I can`t do it.
You are wise,no woman can do it without pouring..
HUSBAND:You can now see;The head is always the head.let`s go back to bed.
Contest:"The Conversation" Poetry
Fieldwork is stellar, sexy, or strenuous and sad
Talking values, prolonging childhood
Is not for the faint hearted among S. Africa's "Coloured"
My "township" boasts about acting backward
Using walls for urination, or there on streets
Many walk all day long with beer in hand (never discreet)
We reward bad for good; kindness is meekness minus Jesus (equals: simple weakness)
Abusing drugs, kids, partners - "street privacy"?
Is the only "rule" respected by all and sundry
II
Shall I report these abuses, "shebeens" next door?
But the policing is poor, revenge usual & more
Or should I show the other cheek, God's love
Shall I continue peacemaking, or reward shove with shove?
Since Middle School I struggled with moochers, "the lazy"
To accept them, help, yet teach a better way
Humans seek peace, routines, "order" in some way
But competition fir resources, conflict
May be the real order of the day
Hence wars are welcome for profits, bottom lines!
My question: Love or lecture "them" is as old as Time
In my "coloured township," there is no "time" for both
I'm more pessimistic about human nature now, sad truth!
Making secreted dreams
that beat the sound of excreted water
flowing with each enriched elimination
the kidneys are in movement
the physical process is in timing
moving the waste
and expelling
the urination from the necked Urethra
aka:lyricvixen ha-ha!
Defecation, constipation, urination... it's toilet humour!
At least I'm just a crap poet ... sadly some folk are just full of it
God MUST have a sense of humour - because he created me and YOU!
Bet You Did Not Know
Several mammalian species
When dropping their mammalian feces
Just before the big push
Will align their tush
Or so says this researches thesis
He watched 70 dogs of 30 plus breeds
Out in the woods completing their deeds
For each doggy sample
Through the woods did he trample
Until at last he did concede
At each defecation
And each urination
The researched noted the stance
And how each dog aligned
With his magnetic sign
And decided it was much more than chance
It seemed dogs did prefer to align their fur
Along the axis north to south
If the axis was stable
They always were able
To point to due north with their mouth
Just what did this gain us?
Just what did we learn?
When doggies took dumps, which way they did turn?
No we learned that in nature the magnetic field
Did something to some that to date was concealed
Maybe we’ve magnets buried deep in our brain
That someday, somehow we could possibly train
To give us directions when we’re lost or confused
I know that is something that I could sure use
And maybe this proves what they say with feng suhi
When designing our bathrooms, toilets and bidet
Our bowels will feel better, our bladders rejoice
If we let mother nature express her own voice
Uncle Mike
It was a five ringed circus
Complete with the ragged remains of a tourniquet
Heavily fringed by the under eye baggage of a bloated nefarious
Clown soul that is
Blowing across the freeway garnished with the white plastic baggies
From the local supermarket factory
Now fluttering like proud flags from the tops of trees
Spawned by an alien race
It was on a highway headed home that
I nearly ran over a kid high on societal delusion and
Upon pulling over near the canyon's edge
I shouted towards this cipher to no avail
A wind tunnel
Afterwards a mumbled mixed nursery rhyme
While hobbling away with a hollow body
That floated over curb blocks and arby's remains
Into a distance that was too vast to measure
Was all I was sure of
In this
I saw the effigy transformation that
Grasps everyone from time to time
If only the magnetic train could ram through the clouds
Speaking directly to synapses long derailed
With the urgency of a needed 7 beer urination during protracted conversation
Let me go
Looking deep into this mirror to see the molecules swirling
About this illusionary image reflected
Some wells runs deep
Some are saucers filled with swampy oil
Self created sideshows with a surplus of freaks
Oh yes
The rest is purely the constructs of madmen and deviant spirits
Itching to burn the dermis and the frontal cortex
Plus limbic
Tricks and trades of the craft
Welcoming a spill out of the most financially false origin
Singing like a lark touching both wires
200,000 volts of pure pleasure
Spell patterns of truth for the first time
Ah, the self of self is running on electrons and vapors
Smiling like a netted acrobat
The unicycle is unmanned
Gyrating though this monkey business
Yet the music continues on
Today, our cat spent some time with the vet for his prognostication.
It had been a couple of years or so since Simba's last examination.
Simba had no say in the matter due to our paucity of conversation.
As I coaxed him into his carrying cage, he howled in desperation!
The vet and staff look forward to Simba's visit with little anticipation!
He gets rather grumpy at the vets, exhibiting aggressive agitation!
Hence, for examinations he must be placed under very heavy sedation;
Only then can the veterinarian proceed to practice his vocation!
His eyes, ears, nose and throat were fine including his respiration.
There was no evidence of fleas or any problems with his urination.
The old fella has only 16 of 28 teeth due to a previous operation,
But no matter, he eats like an army mule in handling mastication!
For his arthritis the vet prescribed a bottle of medication,
And for good measure he was given a rabies inoculation.
I'm aware that "cat-scans" are used in treating the human population.
By Jove! Simba received a true "cat"-scan as a part of his observation!
I anticipated receipt of the bill for the tests with some trepidation!
To pay for all of this, need I present an arm or leg for amputation?
After all, we'd do anything for our old pal, 'tis our obligation.
We want to keep him around for nine more lives for our delectation!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(© All Rights Reserved)
I went outside to pee
Underneath the cactus tree
But now I'm in the Ho Spittle
The cactus fell on me.
Oh the cactus tree the cactus tree
I went out to pee and it fell on me.
The cactus tree the cactus tree
It's such a mystery.
For the first time
since the end of Summer,
Mr. Nobody wears his socks to bed,
a sad admission that
things were going to get worse.
Can't count on the
warmth of mother nature's breast
to keep his mammalian nature intact.
When he wears his socks
and he pulls the thin duvet and the
extra purple woven Dacron blanket
up over himself he feels
warm enough to sleep.
The cat, Missy, who sleeps on his bed
wants to go out. This is Mr. Nobody's worse fear,
like a fear of urination
a fear that keeps him from resting.
Mr. Nobody throws off the blankets, rises,
swings his legs over the side of the bed
and rests his feet on the cold wood laminate floor.
He shuffles to the door
Missy follows.
Opening the back door, he feels
the dread of the betrayal.
Missy scoots out.
Now, before he can sleep, Mr. Nobody has to remember
to find her and let her in again, realizing now that
William, the male cat had been let out earlier.
He will have to recover them both.
Mr. Nobody doesn’t know why he cares so much
about the discomforts of the cats.
He doesn't know if they suffer the terrors
of the failing pact with nature as much as he,
probably they do not.
Mr. Nobody returns to bed, pulls the cover-sandwich package
over his legs then over his chest. He rests,
planning to rise in an hour to go out and find the cats.
Mr. Nobody is certain that when he calls the cats
after an obligatory time
they will agree to follow him,
almost as if they know what's
good for them.
High summer at the Regiment,
Admin Inspection coming around
So they placed a little saluting base
At the edge of the Parade Ground.
A coco matting covered floor
On a stout square wooden base
Which the fatigue party
Manoeuvred carefully into place.
Now I may have worn a uniform
And been a soldier by name
But i preferred to play
Very unmilitary games.
So, every night I visited
That special little place
And ceremoniously and seriously
Passed water on the saluting base.
How I loved the thought
That the building smell
Would make of that area
A pungently urine smelling hell.
Alas, all good things
Must come to their end
Because sadly I was discovered
By an equally discontented friend.
And before I knew it
Every single night
Folk were treated
To the unedifying sight
Of an ever growing band
In the process of urination
On that little coco matted
Official saluting base station.
Discretion being the thing
And the damage being done
We ceased operation and left
Further action to that of the sun.
Having sadly been posted for
Unspecified but suspected crime
I was not present there
Come Admin Inspection time
So I never did find out
If it all went well
And the Inspecting Officer suffered
My planned olfactory dose of Hell
So many many years later
In odd moments of leisure
I like to think it did, and that
Gives me such intense pleasure.
with a beard and a weary face
i head out into the town
tired eyes and tired hearts
result in nothing but wretched frowns
cider splashes down my jeans
i slip and fall on the floor
i bump i bang i get harangued
and then im shown the door
waiting for a taxi head in my hands
urination down the filthy alleyways
vomit bursts from my cracked lips
its all the same day after day
After all of the hard hits
And you hitting the fake witch
And calling the sweet schoolteachers name
You feel the fires of hell and have the
Smell of urination and defecation
And you're tired from a beating
And penetration from all those dudes
Three strikes you're out. No doubt
Jail three times in year and freaked
A darling dear called her another name
The freaking name of fame. Bullets fly
To finish you off to let you know who's
The boss of the BR streets, not ya.
They all wanna know who beat your
Ass. How and why you left alone the
Head of the class for a witch who is
Low class and called the head of the
Class's name as you did your thang
Because she both has your heart
And your brain and for a split second
You realize that you she did tame
You call her name but realize she
Not anywhere near you anymore
She let you in her door as a stranger
And loved on you and now you're
In danger and can no longer see
All of the peeps in the streets
But the lady who loved you and
Was so sweet indeed and wish
That you never treated her the
Way you did and they shoot
You again and all you can think
Of is how she attacked you with
Her love and you did to her the
Same and the last love encounter
You wanted to have her name
Tatted on your rib and you know
What that symbol is. All you don't
Know is who shotcha? But that
Teacher ain't around it wasn't
Her. Cupid shotcha heart but
Who shotcha on your legs
Lower part? Who Shotcha?
Was it that other witch or
Was it the peeps in the streets
From teacher they blockedya?
Who shotcha?
wrote 12-28-10
No lentil beans before bedtime unless...
(alternately titled: unrelenting flatulence)
Ya wanna count bajillion sheep,
but tween gluteus maximus powerful
natural gas explosions during sleep
(ass suspected source) – courtesy missus
she served me lentil beans piled outsize heap
sinister been off fish shunt ploy
spouse I may no longer keep,
cuz dream house went up in flames
reduced to ashes smoldering (Uriah hit) heap
an feeble attempt made to extinguish courtesy
urination which suddenly found me awoke
moments ago groggily awakened out deep
slumber out requisite snooze,
cuz I bean dog tired exhausted fuel
driving one clunky body electric jeep
wee hours way after midnight night owl
in case ya give fig yore hot heave hoot
blasted tremendously nonstop
rendering air to smell foul
while my little chickadee evinced similar
disposition, she too did pepper her muttering
with expletives, and did growl
snarling evidenced yours truly espied scowl
unrepentant and threatened to apply dowel
well, I need not specify, "a" specific vowel
one cheeky spouse,
would find yours truly to howl
no pretty picture me bean
while slowly turning unnatural green,
henceforth rushed to emergency room
whereby team of alien specialists,
who casually did primp and preen
mistaking convincingly verdant colored
hue man as martian ready for Halloween,
and said practitioners loathe to intervene
reckoning yours truly -
with other worldly mien,