Best Totalled Poems
FRED THE PERV.
Kinky Fred stole knickers off the line
One summer night his haul totalled nine
His spree ended in tears
Got an extra ten years
When Judge Sue said that red pair were mine.
LARS.
A young astronaut from NASA called Lars
Blasted off from Cape Kennedy to Mars
But then there was a glitch
When he pressed the wrong switch
Last seen heading at warp speed to the stars.
PETE.
A young pianist from New York called Pete
Could play William Tell using his feet
But he fell of his chair
And he started to swear
Was booed off and thrown into the street.
JOHNNY GABLE.
A mean old waiter called Johnny Gable
Saw a man choke to death on a bagel
He then shifted his body
To the side of the lobby
Said forgive me but we need the table .
O'TOOLE.
A forgetful pilot Johnny O'Toole
Was over the north sea flying to Bule
Then both engines spluttered
Under his breath muttered
Looked at his gauge and screamed no ruddy fuel.
OLD GANGSTER.
An old gangster rose from rags to riches
Got rid of all his traitors and snitches
They'd find in their bed
A racehorses head
Or find themselves sleeping with the fishes.
THE BAKER.
An unwashed old baker from Idaho
Had filthy fingers when kneeding the dough
Folk choked on his paella
Some died from salmonella
Got closed down and ended up on skid row.
O'KEEFE.
A fella by the name of O'Keefe
Was the long serving town's police chief
Someone stole the mess cookies
Everyone blamed the rookies
But it turned out O'Keefe was the thief.
AMOUROUS MICHAEL.
Amourous young Michael from Mayo
At a girls house he tried to stayo
She started to shouto
And then kicked him outo
Said she" you're not staying no wayo."
NIGERIAN POEM THIEF.
A sly poem thief from Nigeria
On the soup caused a mass hysteria
He stole soupers work
Soupers went beserk
On the run now cos he's in fear of ya.
Written 18th august 2019.
"The boy's got a broken brain!
- Fix him for me now,
I can't do a thing with him."
- So I hear you say,
Though he seems intelligent enough.
After all, he's smart enough
To know the whys and wherefores
Of every deal that goes down on his street -
Every $ passing hands in the dark,
Summed and totalled in his head.
But Math - Forget it.
And you'll never see him crack a book for study's sake.
Perhap's that's because you broke his heart,
Long ago, though his face will never show it.
Because he bleeds inside,
Though to hear him talk you'd never know it.
You tore his shadoworld apart
Just by never being there -
You broke his proud red eggshell heart
Because he knows you never cared.
Perhaps this is why Rage is his religion,
And he only values Gain,
Why Payback is his Creed,
His only currency Pain.
This then is why he wears the shirt
That reads, "Never Forget, Never Forgive";
This why he's unafraid to kill or die,
Yet terrified to live.
So go get an education -
Start with a hard look at yourself -
You that schooled a nation
In the politics of Greed,
Builders of the conflagration
Of burning, unmet Need
Now threatening to consume us
As it climbs into the skies,
As it whispers warnings to us
From his vacant, coldstare eyes.
You broke his heart,
A wound more deep
Than I alone can mend,
I, just one beleaguered horseman.
Cannot set it right again.
You must help put things back together,
If you want our nightmares to end.
In an old Victorian building live two cats and a lady,
The girl cat is Patches and the boy cat is called Peanut;
And the lady is called mother, they all live in harmony.
One day, mother decided the cats needed to have collars,
So, she bought a pink one for Patches and a blue one for Peanut;
Each collar had a little bell that tinkled and tinkled as the cats walked.
Now, Patches loved her collar but Peanut twisted about,
He flopped on his back, putting his paws inside the blue collar;
Finally, the bell fell off and he pounced after it across the room.
As Patches walked around her little bell went tinkle, tinkle, tinkle,
Peanut was determined to get that bell and became quite the pest;
Mother talked to Peanut telling him to STOP and leave the bell alone.
When mother came home from work the cats came,
She reached to stroke Patches and noticed the pink collar;
The bell was MISSING, she looked at Peanut, bad cat she said.
Where the bells went is still a MYSTERY that will stay unsolved,
Patches always wore her pink collar, she really loved to show it off;
Peanut totalled destroyed his within days and was very proud of that.
Mother pulled out furniture to look for those bells,
She looked in every corner, in every cupboard and drawer;
The bells were too big to eat, where did Peanut put those bells.
Well in time Peanut, although young went to heaven, God decides,
Patches followed not long after and mother was left so heartbroken;
One night, she was awoken to the sound of two tinkling, tinkling bells.
And still years after . . . she often hears those mysterious tinkling bells.
____________________
October 27, 2012
Poetry/Narrative/The Mystery Of The Bells
Copyright Protected, ID 10-431-323-27
All Rights Reserved, 2012, Constance La France
In Memory of Peanut the Cat and Patches the Cat
(and the bells have never been found)
Submitted to the Standard contest, Mystery
sponsor, Nayda Ivette Negron, Judged 11/2012
Third Place
Continued from The Eye of the Sea part 4
Becalmed we were for three days more,
Then the wind began to rise,
At the Captain’s bidding, we set to the rigging,
Eyes firmly upon the prize.
But, ‘Something’s awry!’ the Bosun did say,
And a muttering passed through the crew,
In a sudden turmoil, the ocean boiled,
Precursor to terrors anew.
From the water’s depths, with foetid breath,
A demon arose just astern,
Its torso aflame betrayed its true name,
As it casted for souls to burn.
This demon of the ninth gate was evil incarnate,
Lived backwards to prove its worth,
And hunted its prey the easy way:
His fields were the entire earth.
With sombrous skin, obsidian,
With glinting claws and eyes,
Cracking its whip it crippled the ship,
Delivering all to the flies.
Now our boat was built clinker, difficult to sink her,
In truth she was very well made,
But the force of the whip fair split the ship,
And left all the rigging in flames.
Rent asunder she started going under,
The waters heaved ominously,
All started prayin’ their souls to be savin’,
In the dark of the South China Sea.
Slowly she foundered as the sea rose around her,
Subliming her into the waves,
Some cracked liquor pots an’ some farthings of flotsam,
Sum totalled her earthly remains.
The demon sneered as the ship disappeared,
Dragged steaming beneath the waves.
With joy it roared for the terror caused
And the souls of sailors unsaved.
Just I survived, adrift but alive,
By luck and nothing more,
Through sober and storm, I came to no harm,
And woke up here on the shore.”
Continued on The Eye of the Sea part 6
In the corner of a pawn shop, blanketed in dust
stood a damned old used guitar; for a twenty, was a must.
Walking out the door with it slung across my back
I saw a young man with a sign, "Help my name is Jack"
I didn't know his troubles, never really gave it thought.,
just dropped a single in his hat, less that the hat held naught.
I started to move on, and then I heard Jack say,
"Thanks man, that's a fine guitar". " Could I hear you play"?
I hated to admit it but I'd never plucked a string;
bought it on an impulse, just attracted to the thing.
How 'bout you, I asked him and he reached for it with tears.
He used to with his dad, but he hadn't played in years.
His dad was a musician and he played from town to town.
His mom had split his senior year 'cause Dad was never 'round.
He'd begged Dad to come home that spring to see him cross the stage.
On the way dad wrecked and died and Jack was filled with rage.
They brought him Dad's belongings from the totalled out old car;
a suitcase full of clothes and this damned old used guitar.
Jack strummed a few rough chords, then tuned it up a bit.
He'd sold it for a sawbuck, then just came out here to sit.
Its been three years since then, come the twenty-fifth of May.
He rolled his sleeves, closed his eyes and he began to play.
His fingers typed in music, a letter to his dad.
Now lost in the nostalgia, he didn't seem so sad.
A crowd began to gather and his hat filled to the brim,
And that damned old used guitar, well I left it there with him.
verse
Will this rain ever quit?
Rainbow in the sky
Sun makes her move
followed by thunder on I-4
Will this pain ever quit?
Car totalled; I'm broken.
Sun makes her move
then the special diagnosis.
Will the strain ever quit?
Surgery did not go well
Sun makes her move
a nagging dread remains
Will the drain ever quit?
Zapped by much therapy
Sun makes her move
Rainbow in the sky…
I will walk again.
written March 27, 2017
Thai By
This place gets under your skin. Slowly creeping in like black Texas gold. I said I'd never partake in the cat house girls. Seeing them each day for eighteen months was routine. Walking past the 'venues' to my shop. Usual hi's and hello's.
Then one fine humid day, bang! I happened. I changed. Cabin fever? I walked into Suzi's Place. I put my cash on the counter and grinded the mamasan first. Then her two daughters followed by every other girl in there. It took thirteen hours.
I totalled twenty eight girls. Most were nice. I can't tell my wife. My mate could, his wife's cool. Mine isn't. I'll say I was busy inking from dawn to dusk. I'm not sure what came over me. The Thai air got under my skin. That day tattooing could wait.
Maybe I'll do it again. Invite my wife and her toy boy. Did I say that people are strange here? I fit in well...
broken is the one who wants to keep their grief ~ shattered beyond belief
How much do I love you?
Defies to be measured by devices of man,
Nor gauged by time or calendar span;
Assessed or totalled, correlated,
Added, subtracted, calculated.
For the depth and breadth of all I feel,
Too vast to express the broad appeal,
Is greater than the total mass
Of all to come and all to pass.
How much do I love you?
Exceeds the full universal term,
No empirical evidence to confirm;
Describe or devolve, disseminate,
Divide, multiply, evaluate.
For the long and short of all my care
Dissents to liken or compare;
The heart and soul of you and I,
Too fabulous to quantify.
About several years ago
I had a car accident in my sporty fancy car
the car was clean and full with gas
I stopped to make a left turn
a few miles away from home
on that day, I was alone
possibly, my Mother and Daughter, or other were to go with me on that day
somehow, I think that they cancelled as I went on my way
I imagined if someone was in the car with me on that day
Oh Lord, what would of been if they was there
you see God knows your life
it was a miracle that I survived it all
after being hit from the back as I can re-call
an elderly man driving so fast
the noise was so loud as it quickly lasted
the back end of my car was dented all of the way in
as I got out of the car and looked so surprised
I said to myself, It is not so bad
until I looked at the back end of the car
half way gone totalled out, as I could of shouted!!!!
But, I thank God that it was not me that was damaged
I can get another car, my life was in a surprise mode
I am so glad that my seat belt was on
someone said that if I did not have my seat belt on
I could of been thrown, maybe long gone
some people started bringing my car parts to me
gathering around at the car accident scene
as people were standing by
the driver was there too, he was okay
I am glad for us both we made it through
I asked him later at the hospital
What happened? He first said; are you that Lady that was driving the car?
I replied yes, He said that he just did not see me
I said to him God is good
Angels were there on that special day
a extraordinary way was made
I was guided into a parking lot and the car then stopped
after I was hit, I wonder if this man was lit
I just knew that I was a survivor and he was too
the Lord spared me on that most terrifying day
All I can say is Thank you Lord with Praises
I could have died or maybe been paralyzed
my neck was so sore after that scene
I went home later that night after being tested
it was a day that I'll always remember
I am here this day to tell this testimony
I am here for a purpose I made it out alive
Until this day and always I am thankful and greatful to GOD
I am in my right and sound mind.
By: **Catherine Jackson Townsend.
~~I was spared. I am a survivor of many many obstacles in my life.
My Busy Angels
Maybe because I’m serving others and their pet friends,
several angels follow me daily saving my hide.
On my way to pet sit,
my car has been hit from the front,
the back and the side.
In the eleven years that I’ve been a pet sitter,
I’ve even had a few cars totalled from a bad collide.
All those times, I believe a force of angels have been
battling to keep me safe, they were so kind.
I’ve been saved from a three alarm fire;
I’ve been held by gunpoint several times;
by now that bunch of angel’s patience must be tried.
Each time I thank them and I thank God,
and I tell them how much on them
and their goodness that I rely.
Why even once when I was out walking a dog,
a woman was raped in the apartment next to
where the dog that I was walking resided.
My ex-husband pulled and AK-47 on me
one time and the angels from above kept
me from being blow out of my mind!
Thank you precious angels for protecting me
and staying by my side!
What is left at the end (please insert she for he where needed)……
How he was remembered
He always looked me in the eye
When I would drop by
And then he would say
What was needed on that day
He always was for the blue
And the right thing to do
He was never second in
Knowing the right way to begin
When the years totalled true
He retired from the blue
Always someone I called mate
And when spoken about it was great
So his last day came to pass
We didn’t know it was his last
And I remember him now
Straight to the eye not bowed.
© Paul Warren Poetry
We came down from the hills, our hearts were full of sorrow
The enemy had totalled us, were ready for a fight
Six weary soldiers on the hillside, not waiting for tomorrow
The battle it had drained us, killing most throughout the night
Blood soaked and wounded, our lives, the enemy won't borrow
Don't turn away, move to fight your foe
Dont' turn away, you cannot be too slow
Youv'e got him on the run now, the broardsword's done its worst
Youv'e got him on the run now, the foe is dying and cursed
The heather's in full bloom, the sky is full of birds
Enemy corpes fill the moat, weapons scattered too
We always said that you should not trust his words
History has shown this to be the case once again
No more will we heed the lies, that come from foreign lairds
Don't turn away, move to fight your foe
Don't turn away, you cannot be too slow
Youv'e got him on the run now, the broadswords done it's worst
Youv'e got him on the run now, the foe is dying and cursed
Have you examined time,
at close angles,
we are in the habit,
of dividing it in slots,
there are slots in which we work,
and others which are important,
some slots overlap,
in which we work,
and they are important too,
have you logged such slots,
and totalled them up,
what proportion of 24 you do get,
you would be surprised to find,
its not even ten percent,
in cases most,
one would rather say,
opportunities are limited,
and come by few.