Details |
Rude Poem
|
(The Contest)
I once knew a gentle poet boy
Pretending to be the real McCoy
He lost two in a row
This is no game show
At the end, I felt used by the playboy
(The cold rain)
I wish I could take back the HM
Don't know why you chose to condemn
I thought we were friends
Now I see through crystal lens,
How you think all your poems are a top gem
(Not a reason to hate)
I once knew a girl with heavy makeup
Behind her smile, her face was corrupt
She was in it for the race
Wanting all her poems to place
She did not win, now she's all worked up
SKAT
Copyright © SKAT A | Year Posted 2015
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
Listen to poem:
I was at my favourite restaurant and had a lovely meal
If I finished all my food then a pudding was the deal
I’d relished every morsel and was pleased as a Cheshire cat
The dessert menu was on its way, Oh I couldn’t wait for that
The waitress brought the menus and I rubbed my hands with glee
Oh sticky toffee pudding, now that’s the one for me
She came to take the order – we had waited as you do
She finally turned to me and said ‘oh Madam what can I get you’
Oh stiffy cockie pudding please was my swift reply
I didn’t realise what I’d said till I saw the tears form in her eye
I went as red as a beetroot and the others began to laugh
At my spoonerism which turned into a complete gaffe
The pudding it came quickly but I couldn’t wait to leave
I choked on every mouthful and my stomach it did heave
So please take notice of my error on this horrendous day
If you order sticky toffee pudding be careful what you say!
2/2/14
My favourite Poem Contest
Sponsored by Ironic Zinc
This is a true experience! The waitress was a student at the school I work at - I was so pleased when she went to university - I have never ordered this dessert since!
This is a very special poem to me as it was my first one posted on soup and it was my first poem to be published in a book by United Press
Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2014
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
An idyllic Saturday evening scene-
on our street, little kids play
‘touch and go’. Excited shrieks
and laughter warm the chilled February air,
pavement alive with little feet's patter.
My neighbor’s Golden Labrador does it again:
he slips out just as his owner
drives through the tall, wide open iron gate.
Marley runs after the laughter-
playful, in his ferocious way.
Neighbor stops, engine idling,
and looks intently as a frightened child,
no more than ten, runs screaming in terror.
In hot pursuit, teeth bared, barking
with all his might, Marley obviously
enjoys the chase. I command the dog to stop
as I reach the child, his body trembling.
I look at my neighbor's eyes - waiting.
He lowers his lashes, shifts the gear,
tells his help to get Marley, and goes on his way.
In a perfect world, a little child would not know
the meaning of terror and passive cruelty,
all in one breath. He would not have to feel
less valued than a pricey, crossbreed dog.
17 February 2016
Catie Lindsey's In a Perfect World Contest
Copyright © KP Nunez | Year Posted 2016
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
Girls, if you ever find a man of great persistence
Listen to your ******, and say NO! with adequate resistance
You see chicks, when a dude gets a hard dick
If it's dirty, it can make you super sick
Painful pisses and cloudy urine will follow suit
All because Dirty Dick Man wanted to discharge his root
So, ladies, beware...there are diseases out there
No Dick gets serviced until it's clean and faire
Run, scream, shout, "Spank your ****ing monkey!"
Please, I beg of you, do as I now propose
Keep your ****** sparkling clean-never let it decompose.
Copyright © Jennifer Young | Year Posted 2014
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
-------------------------------------- ~*note: done in fun and aimed at no one~
try and seed my name you'll concede to shame
no use in calling names to lose the game
yir' ill will is just plain disastrous
asinine avatars deserve an asterisk
as for being fact-less, your slaps don't diss
every lick you spit simply tends to miss
harmless words that curse, rehearsed childishness
gets your face erased and they'll say who's next
as defilement arrives inside your text
that's when shame wheels you back, right to the nest.
~10 syllables in each of 10 rhyming lines~
Copyright © JSLambert Mister ROBOTO | Year Posted 2014
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
Your love is real
the love you feel.
Your love is great
the love you make.
Your records are on fire
its your desire.
Take me out tonight
and go wild and crazy,
or be fat and lazy.
So I played some Doors
and saw some whores.
So I said goodbye
and they all must die, fool.
So dig my guts
and eat my brain
and then go insane.
I don't
Care I love it
so forget it, Punk!
Copyright © Blake Holland | Year Posted 2015
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
Rude people who think only of themselves -
I would like to sit atop mantle shelves
Yes, I know that is wrong
but it's where they belong
when they act like those impish little elves
Copyright © Lin Lane | Year Posted 2016
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
Home is where the radio is
Paradise is where I am
I miss his cigarettes...His mess
He said "I am smoking the last one"
I'm going to make him crazy
Rage, rage, rage
Rage, fury, rage
Nobody will be able to hurt me again
I will defeat pain with rage, my love
He cheated on me
He humiliated me
I am lost, baby, I am lost
But then with one kiss
I'd forgive him everything
He left me without a word
But he had forgotten his gun
I thought "Do i have to shoot myself? Or him?"
But then I found myself in front of a mirror
And then I started to brush my hair like this...
Stroke, stroke... My curls melted away
And then I thought "Why I have to reach exactly 100?"
Because in the hundredth stroke...
My hair was back to being straight
I looked again
He had no power over me
Baby, I have changed
I'm not that little girl anymore
I was a different person
Copyright © Gabija Paliulyte | Year Posted 2014
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
Meretricious Spirit
This spirit is modern society’s cancer
Replete with rank, flashy vulgarities
Pervading our social fabric and soul
Unbridled, unbowed, unapologetic;
It can be a curse to mankind itself
Engulfing some people in moments
Of childish deception and insincerity
Which challenge our human civility;
Petulance, at times, can be seen to
“Rule the Roost” in certain personal
Interactions to make each of us seem
To be less than who we truly are in life;
Always follow your life’s passion and
The spiritual heart and tenor of your soul,
For they shall be your true moral compass
As you face the daily slings and arrows of
This life as mankind’s fabulistic tendencies
Seek to tarnish one’s very spirit and worth
In this thing we all call—our mortal coil!
Gary Bateman, Copyright © All Rights Reserved,
October 11, 2016 (Didactic)
Copyright © Gary Bateman | Year Posted 2016
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
recklessness attacks ego
fury attacks soul
adrenaline attacks viscera
middle digit attacks upward
foot attacks accelerator
vehicle attacks vehicle
hand attacks pistol
lead attacks flesh
remorse attacks fury
gavel attacks sound block
inmate attacks inmate
Copyright © Ruff Bender | Year Posted 2017
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
“Do you see any leg wound, my friend
I feel some pain, see drops of blood -
the road we passed was stained.” The horse
asked the cat, who detests blood or mud.
“I don’t know,” answered the cat, nestled cozily
in a bag strapped on the horse’s back.
“I didn't feel any discomfort that might have
been caused by your change in stride or slack.”
15 June 2015
No Rules Contest
Sponsor: Rob Carmack
Copyright © KP Nunez | Year Posted 2015
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
Here I sit again, silent,
not saying anything,
pondering instead,
what it was I should have said;
Too, too late now,
the moment's gone,
the chance for some clever comeback,
some clever witticism
lost from this present now,
Which too quickly became then
and suddenly is past.
Copyright © DM Babbit | Year Posted 2015
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
Do you feel like each day is the same?
Do all things, every person, each glitch
you encounter seem boring and lame?
Is the rut you're in more like a ditch?
When you want to rekindle the flame,
let the internet help you enrich
your existence and soon you'll reclaim
that old joy you felt filling your niche.
If you yearn to get back in the game
learn to use the new tools that exist.
If you don't, you'll be solely to blame.
So, log on now and Google it, b&tch!
Copyright © Lycia Harding | Year Posted 2015
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
Send Me No Insults When I Die
Send me no insults when I die
couldn't hurt me if you try
Send those insults while I live
so returning fire I can give
Never try to stab me in the back
my third eye is always on track
I once dearly loved a damn good fight
now I rather prefer to just be right
Send not fools to do your dirty work
I despise fools and simply hate jerks
Take your measures like a real man
with blows delivered in upfront stand
Send me no insults when I am dead
cry your woes, kiss my arse instead
My soul at rest , my spirit in the sky
I say piss on you and don't ask why!
Robert L. 05-27 2014
A lucky inspiration.
I just read an email from a bitter enemy.
He declared he would piss on my grave soon enough! A veiled threat
(possibly) .. I laugh at and now write this little tribute to
the guy's stupidity.
Copyright © Robert Lindley | Year Posted 2014
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
Save Your Lousy Self
Save your pity for a fool that is not witty
save your sorrow for a jerk with no tomorrow
Save your scorn for your future unborn
save your smartass for another dumbass
Save your lies for your coming black eyes
save your taste for your own stupid waste
Save your frown for another silly clown
save your next scam for your next big ham
Save your mistakes for your jump in the lake
save your life for terrible and massive strife!
Save your love for next disease you can't get rid of
save your mess for your next boatload of stress
Save your speech for your next loud screech
save your help for your next born welp
Save your cries for your next false guise
save your stand for your next super lousy band
Save your gasps for your next futile grasps
save your retreat for your next huge defeat
Save your fall for your next crash into the wall
save your pain for your next car wreck in the rain!
An exercise in "saving" for frugal people that are lousy scoundrels!!
I wrote this with a fool I know from my wild young days in mind...
A little slam for fun.....
Copyright © Robert Lindley | Year Posted 2014
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
Very Rude Haiku
Winter? 3 lines?....Right! ....
5-7-5 cadence, meter
I don't think so!...Blah!
-or-
Table by brook swamped
Consume fish, tail, heads, water
No soup for you!...Tip!
Copyright © Earl Schumacker | Year Posted 2014
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
no, I'm not perfect,
just a man finding his way
but took a wrong turn!
no, I'm not perfect,
but girl, neither am I fake
you toxic sour shrew!
no, I'm not perfect,
so forgive me when I say
kiss my arse bitchface!
no, I'm not perfect,
but hey, I'm only human...
so what's your excuse!
no, I'm not perfect,
but you know what else I'm not?
I'm not barking mad!
no, I'm not perfect,
and Ken and Barbie we ain't...
you're a Chucky doll!
no, I'm not perfect,
but together we could be...
yeah, a perfect storm!
no, I'm not perfect,
but I can see the scars where
your horns used to be!
no, I'm not perfect,
but you are scarier than
Hillary Clinton!
no, I'm not perfect,
but neither am I a rude
narcissistic bitch!
no, I'm not perfect,
now let's order some Chinese...
I'll have the fok yu!
no, I'm not perfect,
and I'm sorry I'm not your
Mister Right...CHEQUE PLEASE!
-----------
September 2014
Copyright © Keith Trestrail | Year Posted 2014
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
IMMEDIATELY PLEASE REMOVE ALL OF MY INFORMATION FROM YOUR DATA
BASE FORTHWITH.
ALSO, ADVISE ANY AND ALL CONTRACTORS, SUB-CONTRACTORS, AGENTS,
SUB-AGENTS, AFFILIATES, PARTNERS, COLLEAGUES, ASSOCIATES, CLIENTS,
WEBMASTERS, WEB BASED LINKS, WINKS, TWINKS, SHRINKS, COLONEL
CLINKS, BOSSES, CO-WORKERS, EMPLOYEES,VENDORS, SUPPLIERS,
SALESMEN, ACCOUNT REPS/EXCS, ACCOUNTANTS, BROKERS, CO-BROKERS,
HACKERS, SLACKERS, WHACKERS, JERKS, SOLICITORS, SIDEKICKS,
COHORTS, WINGMEN, WHEELMEN, LOOKOUTS, OUTLAWS, IN-LAWS,
RELATIVES, FIANCES, BOYFRIENDS, GIRLFRIENDS, FRIENDS, FOES,
ENEMIES, EVIL NEMESIS’, DERELICTS, DEGENERATES, DOPERS, DEALERS,
TWEEKERS, GAMBLERS, RAMBLERS, CANVASSERS, INQUIRERS, QUEERS,
QUEENS, COWBOYS, KINGS, FAGS, DRAGS, HAGS, HETEROS, HOMOS, TONY
ROMOS, FEMALE IMPERSONATORS, [PRE OR POST] MALE IMPERSONATORS,
DICKS, DYKES, VAN DYKES, DICK VAN DYKE, LESBIANS, LONGSHOREMEN,
SHORTSHOREMEN, LIARS, BUYERS, CRYERS, CIGAR SMOKERS, CARPET
MUNCHERS, RUG RATS, TODDLERS, TEENAGERS, JUVENILE DILINQUENTS,
SENIORS, SUCKERS, TRUCKERS, MOTHER shut yer mouth, LAW MAKERS,
LAWYERS, ATTORNEYS, JUDGES, POLITICIANS, LEADERS, FOLLOWERS,
DISCIPLES, PROPHETS, EVANGELISTS, SAVIORS, SINNERS, SAINTS,
SOOTHSAYERS, MEDICENE MEN, GYPSYS, TRAMPS, AND THIEVES, WITCHES,
WARLOCKS, VAMPIRES, LYCANS, ZOMBIES, WAR MONGERS, PROTESTERS,
VIGILANTES, VICTIMS, SOLIDERS, GENERALS, GOVERNORS, PRESIDENTS,
PATRIOTS, PACKERS, LIONS, BEARS, BROWNS, BLACKHAWKS, REDWINGS,
RIGHT WING, LIBERALS OR LAW BIDING CITIZENS. THEY ARE NOT TO
CONTACT ME AND LOOSE MY NUMBERS.
BUT, IF YOU SEE MY MOM, TELL HER TO CALL ME.
BA-ZING!
?
Copyright © Warner Baxter | Year Posted 2014
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
I am a very nice person
I'll tell you about my day
I'll sit and listen about yours
And hear what you have to say
I'll make sure you look very good
I'll tell you about your fly
Tell you when your crush is coming
Or tell you if he walks by
I come off very sarcastic
I do it to make you laugh
My sarcasm sounds kind of mean
It's funny on my behalf
Copyright © Shaina Rodriguez | Year Posted 2015
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
Stupidity
A tragic foible—
For those so blinded in life.
Stupidity’s sad . . .
Negation’s ugly face . . .
To be challenged at all times!
Gary Bateman, Copyright © All Rights Reserved,
May 15, 2015 (Tanka)
Copyright © Gary Bateman | Year Posted 2015
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
I was stumbling around the Poetry world when I ran into this Gem
The Blue Mountain Arts Poetry Card Contest.
I thought, what an opportunity
But then I read the rules and although
I do not know who wrote them
I must say, "COME ON" Really !
Poetry Contest Guidelines:
1: Poems can be rhyming or non-rhyming, although we find that non-rhyming poetry reads better.
Non-rhyming poems Read Better---Ha---what a crock ! Tell that to the 18th and 19th Century Poets
This it soooooooooo idiotic, It's like saying, We are having our Special Olympics and disabled and enabled can enter alike, although we find that Enabled entries usually win. ( This metaphor is not intended to diminish the abilities of those of us that have disabilities, It is intended to show how ludicrous rules can be )
Blue Mountain, WHY NOT say----"Rhymer's Need Not Apply"
I went down to Blue Mountain
I thought I'll have a-go
And may win 300 bucks
You laugh, but never know
Once there, I read the page
Where I was to apply
That's where the darnedest thing
Reach-out and caught my eye
Rhymers just weren't welcome
That's what the first rule spelled
No point in even trying
'Cause "Rhyming Don't Read Well"
Instead of feeling Blue
I counted all my blessings
Then,I bought a pair glasses
And started reading lessons
Thanks Blue Mountain
I'm "Reading Well" Now !
See you next contest
by JTCurtis (A rhymer w/readability)
Copyright © Jerry T Curtis | Year Posted 2014
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
My feet,
got a rhythm
A nervous beat
Oh the meet
Should I eat more meat?
Nah focus more on wheat
Better calm down and take a seat.
World coming at you like a big huge fleet
They try and feed you but you don't wanna eat
I don't like the taste of there beets
I'd rather give myself some tasty treats
Oh wall street
I ain't gonna eat
Get off my bicycle seat
Filthy ol' wall street smelling like your grandma's toilet seat
gonna throw you in some disgusting embassy suite
I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
-Jomarc Bernardo
Copyright © Jomarc Bernardo | Year Posted 2014
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
Respect is never asked for.
It's never required.
Courtesy is not a bore.
But it's important so we can be wired.
Wired to create that civilised moral code and whole,
Not a transient illusion in this age of fast cars,
Not a worthless idea in this age of selfish goals,
But necessary to avoid conflict and wars.
But the evil ones care not for that.
Care not for morality and decency.
Their sea of deceit swamps through us so we're fat,
With the grease of inhumanity and immorality.
God will teach us the way.
He'll teach us to show respect and courtesy,
In this world where no one cares to open doors for the elderly,
Where no one will donate a dollar for a near dead kid in a place far away.
If the world were truly whole and infused with God's spirit,
There'd be a difference, we'd be part of a new loving clan.
The chaos would cease as we'd no longer be in that dark pit.
Our unity will withstand devil's poison, heralding a new dawn for man.
Copyright © Raj Napal | Year Posted 2016
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
Will those who want rapture connect
To the one who could resurrect?
Be blessed with vision
Take in what's arisen
A member that’s hard and erect
Copyright © Duke Beaufort | Year Posted 2014
|
Details |
Rude Poem
|
There's a person you'd like to curse,
so a voodoo doll, then make first;
Upon that doll now cast a spell,
summoned from the wicked in hell;
Now you need some pins and needles,
bring the pain of pitch forked devils;
The length of pins make sure are long,
the devils pain will be more strong;
The more a needle's thick and round,
will make the pain be more profound;
Must take your victims' lock of hair,
attach it to the doll to wear;
The doll, up high, hold in the air,
Into the doll's eyes, you must stare;
Call the doll by your victims name,
while at the doll, the needle aim;
Curse the name as you stab it in,
twisting and turn it as you grin;
With needles stuck about the head,
each needle deeply did embed;
With legs, all over, stuck with pins,
you now must wish the curse begins.
Copyright © Tony Sampson | Year Posted 2014
|