Best Ted Poems
Lifeless were the eyes of infamous Ted Bundy
No remorse, all emotion had been doused
His gaze pierced my soul as I gave testimony
He maintained there’d been too much publicity
Four coeds attacked in a sorority house
Lifeless were the eyes of infamous Ted Bundy
This demon had the nerve to make a bogus plea
“Move my trial or there’ll be no justice,” he groused
His gaze pierced my soul as I gave testimony
To explain news coverage in Tallahassee
Reporters took the stand, court quiet as a mouse
Lifeless were the eyes of infamous Ted Bundy
I took the stand shaking, did not want him to see me
I was sweating so much, wet stains were on my blouse
His gaze pierced my soul as I gave testimony
It appeared his conscience was totally guilt-free
What kind of excuse could this death machine espouse
Lifeless were the eyes of infamous Ted Bundy
His gaze pierced my soul as I gave testimony
*Entry for Catie’s “Villanelle Me” Contest
Note: Serial Killer Ted Bundy successfully convinced the court he could not get a fair
trial in Tallahassee because there had been too much pre-trial publicity surrounding
his attacks on four Florida State University co-eds in their sorority house. After
Tallahassee reporters were required to testify, Bundy’s trial was moved to South
Florida. Bundy assaulted and murdered at least 30 young women, and possibly
many more, in the states of Washington, Oregon, California, Utah, Idaho, Colorado,
and Florida between 1974 and 1978. After more than a decade of denials he
confessed to 30 homicides, but the true total remains unknown.
So to look up girls’ skirts, Snowman Ted
turned himself upside down on his head.
But he ought to be told
since the weather is cold,
girls wear boots and long trousers instead!
Dec. 24, 2017 For Eve Roper's 'Upside Down World - Limericks Only' Poetry Contest
My dad is bigger than yours she said.
It made me mad; I wished she was dead.
Took my anger to my Uncle Ned.
He started laughing, happy instead.
Most serious now, sick in my head,
Ran to my cousin, Goofball named Zed.
He chased me off, his face spitball of red.
With laughter shaking his feather bed.
I decided to sit in my little she-shed.
Devoured Ritz crackers ‘til I was fed.
Refused to talk to my Uncle Ted.
Who was spitting a story about Brother Ed.
I rode off on my purple and pink Moped.
Had an accident, needed bandage and a med.
The nurse who helped me was named Mrs. Ked.
Beautiful, she was a recent newlywed.
My dad is bigger than yours she said.
I was shocked for a second, but then I read
A book, settled down, no longer in my head.
Seeing the humor of Ed, Zed, Ned and Ted.
Lit up like a Christmas tree
Is papa after his festive drink
He’s a funny one
Can’t hold his tongue
Dances and he sings
Words that make no sense
Long winded when he’s bent
He gives a Ted Talk
About how to stand tall
And falls on his rear end
Despite his huge blue pride
He knew too drunk to drive
In his sloppy stupor
He calls an Uber
Goes home to angry wife
Edward his name ~ his mates called him Ted
Aiming his gift on the top of my head
Landing with a squelchy plop
Would his kindness never stop
His unwanted gift was starting to spread
Sat in the sun in my new crocheted hat
With Ted proudly viewing his gifted splat
On summoning his mates
As he proudly demonstrates
Reaching his target Ted sure has the knack
Written 5th August 2019
Contest Name:Two Sea Themed Limericks
Sponsor: Tania Kitchin
N/A
Contest Name: A Limerick, Old or New
Sponsor: Andrea Dietrich
7th PLACE
Syllables Per Line: 10 10 7 7 10 0 10 10 7 7 10
Old man Cowell and boy Ted,
Hardcore and alcohol
unlocked doors in his head.
Midnight’s rage held a speculum,
every one of them became Brooks.
Two escapes and from
a sling, cast or uniform
one beetle shell thinned
apartment and dorm.
Swung and dumped on both coasts,
Dipped a hand in the green river,
and lost count of his ghosts.
Paid part of his debt on a Florida chair.
Rode the Lightning to eternity.
Consumed by what awaited him there.
There once was a stripper named Tipper
who used tape instead of the snipper.
Duck tape was his friend
When he did a back bend
But his pec’s still popped his side zipper.
Once while topless he pranced cross the floor
On each nipple a tassle he wore
Round they did twirl
Just like the girls
Ole Ted Tipper was never a bore.
Cross the stage he would scoot
In his red "do me" boots
long locks on his head
of real pretty red
and he'd bring in a whole LOTTA loot!
Remembering the days way back when
Baseball was what made life tick
Lived and breathed that wonderful game
With the Babe, Ted Williams, and the Mick
Jackie Robinson breaking the colour barrier
Sweet memories inhabit my brain
Jackie was the absolute first hero of mine
Brought equality to this time honoured game
Stan Musial, Bob Feller, and Joe DiMaggio
From a much simpler era, these names
When salaries hadn't yet become astronomical
They played for the love of the game
How many remember the powerhouse Yankees
Every year the cream of the crop
They were always a perpetual Series contender
Seemed like the Yanks were always on top
Those days are gone but sure not forgotten
In the recesses of this old mind
Can still see Ted hitting one over the fence
In my mind, it's nineteen-forty nine
© Jack Ellison 2013
He was young and attractive and quite debonair,
An upstanding young man who was going somewhere.
Or so it would seem if you knew not his history.
To we in the know he’s repulsive dark mystery.
When I think of it now I feel chills descending,
He went to same school my child was attending.
But as far as I know, he hadn’t yet killed.
At that art, with practice, he became very skilled.
In 1974 women were disappearing.
While Ted with his studies was still persevering.
He had way of asking for their sympathy
By pretending to have broken arm or bum knee.
By now the police knew their suspect was called Ted
Clued in by some girls who escaped being dead.
Many others who listened were not seen again
And parents were left with unbearable pain.
Not born in our state, had moved here at age five
So much better if he’d been born dead not alive.
Wherever he went there was death visitation.
The mysteries were a multi-state-wide sensation.
Nita Neary came home and found her door ajar.
She saw a man carry a log to his car.
What she found in her home were two roommates dead.
Each was bludgeoned to death in her very own bed.
He was stopped by police for traffic violation,
What they found in his car was a gross aberration.
There were handcuffs and ice-pick, crowbar, and mask.
He was questioned by those with right questions to ask.
He was arrested and tried for his various crimes
But somehow escaped from justice three times.
Wherever he went he was brutal and bold.
His last victim of all was just twelve years old.
Ted Bundy died in the electric chair
The most hated man that ever went there,
A hundred dead females at least was the count.
Other lives shattered, unrecorded amount.
Written May 26, 13 A true story.
Ted was a proper torturer
he'd gag me after tea
he'd ram a flannel down my gob
then dangle me on his knee
A virgin when I married
my mums and dad were Mormons
home-schoolers don't do sex Ed. much
though they did go on about hormones
I thought Ted's ways were normal
it was all new ground to me
my terrified eyes would turn him on
so I didn't have the heart to flee
I got used to the violent jerking
I got used to a gob full of flannel
but I wished I'd prayed and made a fuss
when he hid me behind his panel.
S O F
Ted suffers from 'Looseheel Ball'
It’s driving him clean up the wall
He’s got such an itch
It’s making him twitch
He’s begging the doctor to call
The medic said oh dearie me
This condition I rarely see
Your balls badly twisted
Teds scared eyes soon misted
When doc says you need surgery
Doc bundles Ted onto the table
and borrows a knife from Aunt Mable
This won’t hurt a bit…
He gives ball a snip
Ted will rise again when he’s able
10/10/21
Lying in hospital was visiting time
My cousin walked in with a box so fine
Handed it over said it was for me
To open it when I needed company
The box said Teddy Bears Factory
Inside was Ted’s whole story
His birth certificate is complete
Many things including birth date
Was dressed with hat and scarf
Looked so funny, made me laugh
Specs sat on end of his nose
Looking ready to compose
But he was so good to cwtch *
Instantly loved him so much
Such thoughtfulness I wont forget
My Ted is my best mate
Helped me to recover quickly
My magic pill when I’m sickly
Took 29 years for a Ted so special
Came with love of highest level
*Cwtch is welsh for cuddle
There once was an odd fellow named Ted
Broke both legs and was confined to bed
Walked on hands to go pee
A scary sight to see
When he shook it, it dropped on his head
There once was a man named Ted,
That wished to see the crocs fed.
They lined on the shore,
Appetites galore-
Too late to feed ducks, instead!
Ted Cruz
everything he owned he said he would use
until he needed more
Goldman/Guzman they both topped up the score.