Best Suitably Poems
Written for Jan Allison, who then decided I should share it for poop verse afficionados.
True story, by the way.....
There are some jobs where heeding worker's safety is required
and during operations must be suitably attired
environmental hazards mean that everyone conforms
and wearing full length protection has now become the norm.
In this case, paper snowman suit with hood and full length zip
a sturdy piece of clothing and is not inclined to rip.
Whilst clearing out some premises a worker got caught short
and knew he'd never make it to the toilet, so he thought
and made a break for the nearest hedge with a newspaper he'd bought.
Just in time he squatted down, the time lag all too brief
as out in one loud massive jet his bottom got relief.
The job now done he zipped back up and dressed just where he stood
not realising, squatting, that he'd done it in his hood.
It soon became apparent, as his headwear pulled in place
as fly attracting runny doo doo dribbled down his face
His workmates doubled up in laughter, just making it worse
as he stormed off in anger like an Oreo in reverse.
So since time immemorial, the moral's been the same
that when you go, then please do so, but
just you watch your aim.
For Jan, with love 'n hugs and trembly bits, Viv x
My uncle's polka dot bow-tie is markedly symbolic,
For he has been, throughout his life, a fervent spotaholic.
His patient wife, dear Dottie, with whom he is quite besotted
Will only buy him underpants if suitably bespotted!
Punctilious with spellings, it will come as no surprise,
That he delights to cross the T's and gaily dots the I's.
And even as a lad when bad concussion laid him low,
To see those spots before his eyes had minimised the blow!
So when he goes out walking with his pet dalmation,Spot
His coat aburst with polka dots, he doesn't care a jot!
I doubt he'll ever mend his ways for everybody knows
'A leopard cannot change his spots' - or so the saying goes!
18/01/19
'Polka dot poetry contest' : Sponsored by: Edward Ibeh
I've told you how desperate
I am for sleep,
And I got a suggestion
It made me leap
Simplicity itself ; earslugs!
So I went out on a slug hunt,
Without realizing what a stunt,
It takes to be a successful slug-hunter
I found one at last,
Picked it up and so fast,
It oozed through my yucky fingers
More prepared the next chance,
I scooped it up on paper
And watched it's giggly dance,
Dumped it in a glass jar,
And didn't have to go far.
To find my next ear-slug...
Dumped it in as well,
But now I couldn't tell,
What seperated one from the other...
Oh, darn, who cares,
I'll cut this big mess into pairs,
Of suitably sized ear slugs
Home at last,
Poured them out of the glass,
And promptly cut them in 2,
Inserted one in each ear,
I could no longer hear,
But somehow lost my sense of balance,
Crawled to my bed, oh sure,
But I could not long endure
This swishing sound in my ears,
And jelly-like stinking mess
That oozed onto my chest,
And stained my sheets something fearful...
My ears oozed slime for 6 weeks,
And that forbade sleep one seeks,
And the stench of rotting slugs was horrific,
So next time someone suggests ear slugs,
Tell them no thank you please,
Cause I've heard the story of Tom Terrific.
THE FINAL ACT
After Humpty Dumpty’s fall
Angry residents placed a call
The locals destroyed the wall
As it shouldn’t be there at all
Injured Humpty was all gloom
Alone in the emergency room
Having to use a nom de plume
Talking with doctors on Zoom
With meds all suitably labelled
Finally diagnosed as disabled
His complaint was then tabled
And a damages claim enabled
Then he was in constant pain
Smiling went against the grain
But was provided with a cane
Yet would never dance again
All the King’s horses and men
First aid was beyond their ken
As fighting was their acumen
Hadn’t joked much since then
Now Humpty has lost weight
One could say he’s in a state
His scheduled operation is late
Now wondering about his fate
It sounds just like a tale of woe
But that is the way a life can go
He’s a producer now you know
Sitting on walls is his new show
Cory was frequently, brutishly bashed
For being a computer nerd unsurpassed.
He dwelt on .org and .com
And of being geek too long.
Hence his grave was suitably marked .crashed.
An old proverb says, “absolute power corrupts absolutely”
A new proverb says, “absolute stupidity corrupts stupidly”
First name of Don
Middle name John
Methinks this new one describes things quite suitably
A beautiful bird with two feathers;
one in the Caribbean sea and the other in the pacific waters.
Its awesome hand pets the back of animal existence
as its stomach stays suitably soft
to the dwelling of butterflies, orchid lineage and Amphibians.
Unique in a self protecting strategy of its dry law,
the trunk of Emeralds stay strongest in its domain.
The Medellin transition of a murder capital to a cultural hub;
cosmetic obsession and a craze for physical attraction
well amplified by the artistic show of mannequins,
speak out for this region so sex friendly
and well identified by one of
the most historic explorers the world has ever known.
survivor of the great depression
the worries she carried
she sought to hide
nurturing nature’s beauty
her garden was second
only to love for her children
roses, petunias, begonias
rainbow colors of God’s majesty
spanned ‘round our home
Mothers’ Day, decades after she passed
reading in my yard
her voice I heard clearly
“I love your begonias, dear”
startled at first, I looked around
her sweet face bloomed in the flowers
in her garden she lived
finding joy in each blossom bestowed by God
suitably, this is where she crossed over too
though her light left the Earthly realm
her face shines through the seams of heaven
bright star that graces the ebony sky
surely in heaven she praises our Lord
offering flowers in worship
to a Creator who knows her capacity for love
Written April 3, 2014
Silver stars shine;
suitably suffused – Summer’s sparing sign.
Shimmering shadows seamlessly serene,
sweet smiles sail swiftly saving season's scene.
Sunbeam sentiments seek sapphire skies,
symphonious senses sparkle serenity, solitude sighs.
Serendipitously sonorous, seamless songs sing,
swaying sensuality safely, saturated souls sting.
Succulent superior silence softly stimulated,
satisfied syllables spoken, stunningly stated.
Silver stars shine;
showered senses sought sympathy-
sparking Summer's splendored spine,
speaking superb sensitivity.
October 21, 2019
Tautogram Poems Poetry Contest
Eve Roper
When Mortimer Manders collapsed in the street,
his daughter, Muriel, was with him.
Though now seventy-five,
he’d continued to thrive,
in spite of the irregular rhythm
his heart was now keeping. But this was quite grave.
He hit the hard sidewalk real sudden.
When Muriel knelt
beside him, and felt
to locate where his pulse was, she couldn’t.
Soon, passers-by stopped and gathered around,
but no-one had medical knowledge.
“It’s good, I suppose,
If you loosen his clothes:
I think that’s what they told us in college …”
She looked wildly around, and thought that she’d found
a willing and capable saviour.
A red firehouse lay
thirty metres away –
(might as well have been Outer Moravia!)
When Muriel pounded the firehouse door,
a voice answered back through the panels,
“You make think it inept,
but we’ll only accept
an approach through appropriate channels.”
“But he pays your wages,” she argued with force:
and, pointing to where he was lying,
“You’ve got to come quick –
he’s collapsed on the bricks –
my father is probably dying!”
“You don’t understand how these things are arranged,”
said the voice, from the depths of the station:
“You just call nine-one-one.
If we try to respond,
we are risking adverse litigation.”
Running into the roadway, she flagged down a car,
and the driver agreeably shocked her:
with a white coat and bag
and a hospital tag,
he said, “Yes, you are right, I’m a doctor.”
As the quack pulled away, he turned briefly to say,
in a voice that was suitably gloomy,
“I will not touch that man,
for if I lend a hand
and he happens to die, you can sue me.”
The ambulance came, but things got more lame,
as Mortimer started to weaken:
though the ambulance crew
looked resplendent in blue,
the responders were all Costa Rican.
“We’ve lived here some time and our English is fine,
but we can’t touch our defibrillator.
To avoid getting screwed,
we must talk to him through
an officially-sanctioned translator.”
“But you sound good to me, and it’s peachy, you see,
for my father speaks German and Spanish.”
“But your ganso is cooked.
No interpreter’s booked.”
And the ambulance packed up and vanished.
So the moral is clear. Clear of medics please steer.
Your best course, if you’re feeling nervous, is
lay on linguists each day
in Magyar and Malay
– and don’t call emergency services.
I feel Disturbed
with the callous call to arms
for vested gains
and rhetorical rants of raving men
ostentatiously out to save your souls
having pledged theirs to Lucifier's lien.
I see the city ablaze
with dreams of the denizens on the street
as they mindlessly move
to put their minds in front of soulless screens
churning out code for what they know not.
I wish I would, I wish I could
shout at the ostriches all around
who hear the screams and shut them out
pretending they do not exist.
What God's of Darkness
do we pray to
at temples of modern doom?
The Simon and Garfunkelian tune
finds vent as a doomsayer's dirge.
And I am suitably disturbed.
~11 May 2016~
Contest Judged: 5/14/2016 6:42:00 AM
Lyrics cliché image - Poetry Contest - sponsored bt Silent One
1. Lyric - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9Dg-g7t2l4
Disturbed - sound of silence. (an amazing version)
2. Cliche - The Writing on the Wall
3. Picture #5
Placed 2nd
You are hard, you are brash,
Your swagger is flash,
And when we touch base, your talk turns to cash.
You are loud, especially in a crowd,
But when your rowdy anger flies
Your friends are suitably cowed.
You are strong, but weak as well,
When someone's wrong you give them hell,
But when they're right you're even worse -
oh, how we love to hear you curse!
Hopes and hearts you broke before
lie littered by each bedroom door,
In their love-lost legions,
they nurse their dark sweet lesions.
You of ice, then of wild fire,
A self-confessed accomplished liar.
Yet still we dance attendance full,
on you - our heart's desire!
You will not leave a friend without,
But on that friend will scream and shout.
No stauncher ally can be found,
But to your life we must be bound.
Tough as diamond, soft as silk,
No deeper well of kindness' milk.
On we who dwell within your walls,
No shadow of oblivion falls!
It’s three in the morning, and I’m half-asleep;
Thinking of things’ none of them deep.
Pictures are flashing before my eyes,
Some very pretty, others make me sigh.
An innocent vision, has become quite grotesque,
A twist in my mind, has unsettled a nest,
Of large killer spiders, climbing onto my bed,
A bite on my body could render me dead.
I wake with a start, sweat pouring from me,
Dashing downstairs I make a quick cup of tea.
Suitably refreshed, my sanity restored,
I return to my room, the dream I ignore.
Drifting once more, my mind takes a turn,
I’m wandering beside, a wee Scottish burn.
I’ve slipped on the pathway, and I’ve fallen in,
Only to notice, a very large fin;
Rapidly approaching at an awesome pace,
My head goes under, and I see its face.
‘Jaws’ is a minnow in comparison to this;
He’s going to give me, a razor sharp kiss.
With teeth descending, to take a large lump,
Of flesh from my body, when suddenly, thump!
I’ve fallen out of bed; it’s a wonderful thing;
Saved by the bell by my alarm clock’s ring.
A staged presence, and we your crowd
You, a strutting cockerel proud
This but an act nearing the end
We dull creatures suitably cowed
Your voice a gentle thunder cloud
Lights dimming over rows you've plowed
Hide from the spotlight, lies avenged
A staged presence
Your recitations growing loud
Frantic pacing, your will unbowed
Lean on costars as their best fiend
Disappear as curtains descend
Face made up, your burial shroud
A staged presence
-----------------
Trying a new form tonight
Well would you believe it?
bear, lion and tiger all as one
big happy family together
playing and running have good fun
This is an amazing sight to see
jumping all over one another
playfully rubbing noses so softly
such good friends just like brothers
Human beings could learn well
from these friends true bond
how to live happily together
for in each one truly bond
The BLT are suitably named
bearing up with each one well
being a lion king so true royal
bringing tiger strength so to gel
(written after seeing a video on youtube about a lion, tiger and bear living together)