Best Burlesque Poems

"It was 6 or 7 years ago
Or so I'd like to think
I traveled to my eye doctor..
(I should'a seen a "shrink"!!)

My dad and I we awaited
In a filled up waiting room
Patients all a'seat
Magazines all askew
There wasn't much to say there
There wasn't much to do...

Slowly I...

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As legend has it, there lived Bai Balkhash, a rich man
In the North regions of the then Soviet Kazakhstan
Had a beautiful daughter Ili who was without her Smiley
So Balkhash held a feast with a contest to win Ili.

Ili, loved a shepherd called Karatal and easily...

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Kissing the lips of a fat woman 
Is delicious like Tania 
It feels like sliding on the slippery floor 
But you only will not fall miserably 

Kissing her cheeks feels like sucking an ice cream 
Hugging a fat woman feels like hugging a mattress 
It...

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The intricate and winding complexity of this aged device groans as its worn exterior strains.

Though delicate, it punctures through the malice of fools' logic, gripping onto a vision modestly contained.

Allowing an inner reflection of its grimy vanity, it projects an altered ego for the faint...

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One

Chloee? Yes Reginald! 
Why do they call us Dachshunds, Wiener Dogs?
Maybe they call you a Wiener Reginald!
You cut me off at the legs with that one Chloee!

Two

Chloee? Yes Reginald! Have you ever smelled mothballs.
No Reginald it's too difficult to spread their tiny legs.
My that was a low...

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Poop is a smelly thing
poop is far from clean
when I poop, I poop on the pot
when I poop, I poop a lot
It's big and brown and looks like gravy
gosh it feels like I just had a baby
It's runny and smooshy , and really gross
In my...

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Do people think you are sleazy and bad,
since the day you replied to that want ad?
The words were in black and white, and plain.
“No Experience Necessary, We Train”.
This job is not what most women would like to get,
However, it pays the bills and keeps you...

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What is the state of the language?
How should we use the words?
How much can we elaborate
Before we're dismissed as nerds?...

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Satan in my bowels
All I can say is 'ow'
Cringing and churning
My biscuits are burning
I’m praying for relief
Some sort of lanolin leaf
Wondering why I wasn’t born
Before the devil had horns 
Squatting in the bush
Mourning my tortured tush
Asking when trees portend
Charmin is our friend
So if you hear...

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Once there was a girl, little hood,

She was a fine mamma, looking good.

Hood decided to take a walk

Didn’t see the wolf watching her like a hawk.

 

Mesmerised by her swinging ass

He trailed behind watching her sway with class

He said “I gotta have a piece of...

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Who says I’m getting old?
My hairs are not gray
Its beautiful sterling silver
The finest silver around
Who says I’m getting old?
My face isn’t bright red
I’m not having hot flashes
I just have constant sunburn
I love the outdoor
Who say’s I’m getting old?
Not me I’m as young as I feel
Tennis...

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In times like this it’s pertinent to stroke the longest cord
for hummer is impertinent and seldom brings discord.
Each slippery politician who runs yelling, “Come on Board!”
is asking for some hummer from constituents lapboards.

He wants them on their knees paying, for taxing fills his hoard
Just a...

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I’m a man
In case you couldn’t see
I don’t use the word “poopie”
And I’m addicted to TV
I’m a man
Who doesn't have time to bleed
But who still has compassion
For blind, busty women in need
I’m a man
Who isn’t defined by “it”
Though affectionate enough
To scratch a public itch
I’m a...

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HIV Positive

I am HIV positive that I know,
But I will exercise my civic right,
As my blood continues to flow,
For my views to be heard I will fight.

Known to have been wayward and careless,
That does not mean I cannot be benevolent,
Which had made me to be...

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I have trouble sleeping,
Yes, that's true,
No matter how many blankets heaping,
They all wind up on the floor,
Yes, that's makin' me blue,
And I don't wanna' stay up no more....

So I went on line,
To some South American place,
They ship goodies oh so fine,
Imagine, from the Amazon River!!!
And...

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