Best Schmuck Poems

Some people wind up with twisted knickers
When they get insulted by nitpickers
Words are sticks and stones
Causing moans and groans
When they hear heckling whispers and snickers

Women used to call knickers 'underpants'
They'd get them twisted with tauntings and rants
Causing quite a rage
No matter their age
As if their...

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the times I've been here, words in hand
          mind-sculpting verse of phrases, grand
               that speak of that, the cruelest school
  ...

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Ron Dump says he’ll destroy North Korea
With finger poised, we have so much to fear
He’s a power mad glutton
With his hand on the button
Will the universe still exist next year?

BY JAN ALLISON


I just hope his finger gets stuck
Where his bum cheeks do tuck
I don't live...

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My small way of showing anger for this year's circus of an election process:

I recall when George Bush had to duck

a thrown shoe, or he may have got struck.

What I'd love now to see

is some dog take a pee

on that dump of a Trump. What...

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Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.
At least that's what I hear.
Teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a rowboat
fishing and drinking beer! 

When advised to "fight fire with fire"
please think about it twice.
Remember, firemen fight fire with water
so I...

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Warning, if you are under 60 you may not "get" some of these.

Mohammad Ali
taunting with poetry,
his opponents he'd zing
as he danced 'bout the ring.

Graham Kerr "The Galloping Gourmet"
oft with our minds he would play.
Why else would he pick
the dessert "Spotted Dick"?

Ichabod Crane
rode down rode down...

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When mom, Naomi, was your mom not quite,
she was a barista at the Starbucks
just blocks away from where your thunderstruck
dad used to curse the name whose will to write
mistreated sonnets never metered right. 
In those days, my daughter, a word like schmuck
would suit your father,...

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My wife went shopping yesterday
Posted missing what do the police say
Her weight color and eyes
Please tell me he cries
I need to know for the missing's display

Hey dude can you help me a little more
I know the more you tell hurts you sore
Was she slim was...

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He cheated on you- what a surprise
You’re wife #5 in his pattern of lies
Did you think he’d be loyal ‘cause he gave you a ring?
Did you think he’d stop flirtin’ and start stayin’ in?
Did you think you were special, that you were the one?
Puh-lease, you...

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A 60 second embrace, held too long
A kiss on the forehead, felt so wrong
Add more bullets to my long list of regrets
You are one of a kind, I’ve thrown all my bets

Not too shabby for a drunk
A carnal request I wished I should not have...

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Poor old Dan was a bit of a schmuck
Ran out of gas in his brand new truck
Now late for his date
Boy, was she irate
No hanky panky was his bad luck



hanky panky- loosely translated as sexual activity...

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Went to the well and the well was dry

So what shall I do, oh me, oh my

My mind's in a quandary, what shall I do

I fear I've run dry, I haven't a clue

Is there some medication that I can take

My mind's in a dither for...

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-------*To be read in true Italian Mafia voice....--------

I wanna meet the wise guy.
You know, the pai·san gettin' cute with the Soup!

Cuz' the CAPTCHA preview characters keep throwin' me insults
like GOOF,
DOOF,
and POOP!

At foiwst', no offense was really taken...
'till the vulgarities became evident to me;
and this schmuck...

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Who voted for Adolf Hitler? Almost everybody. No matter which party or candidate chosen. It was done with the fascist attitude of the immoral majority. Sometimes in a disguise. Donald Duck is now Donald Schmuck.(in memory of those of my maternal ancestry who perished in...

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Care free driving down the lain, 
sites of yesteryear refrain, 
Children playing inn there yards, 
Tattered houses somewhat scarred. 
  
Traveling inn gay apparel, 
Run across ORANGE BARREL! 
Flashing arrows catch the I, 
Must move over, lest ye dye! 

Press the petal, ewes the...

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