Best Nutty Poems
My yard harbors lots of big trees
And in them live squirrels, with ease
In comfy twig nests
They do what is best
To live and survive as they please.
I feed them some nuts every day
And watch how they run 'round and play
They know me so well
And come 'ring my bell'
By tapping the window this way:
They come to the back kitchen door
Jump up on the rail from the floor
On the window sill
They sit very still
With paws against, glass beg for more.
I push up the window with glee
They know I'm their friend, for you see
My hand holds their prize
They watch with bright eyes
And take nut away tenderly.
Now, one day I thought I would try
To give something new, and so I
Supplied day-old bread
With smooth peanut spread
They loved it so much, with a sigh,
I made little sandwiches soon
On bread, spread nut butter by spoon,
A new treat for them
But so surprised when
I saw chunks of bread below- strewn!
They learned how to get at their prize
Nut butter between, and so wise,
With paws, they would pry
The bread part would fly
Enjoyed just the spread- I surmised,
Like kids open cookies to get
The cream that's inside, never fret
To throw rest away
Enjoy them that way-
The squirrels saw their need was met!
Too nutty, these squirrels taught me
They're smarter than I thought they'd be
They do things their way
With we humans play-
Together we live happily!
October 13, 2015
~1st Place~
Contest: "N" New Or Old Poetry Contest Contest
Sponsor: Constance La France
Judged: 09/21/2021
Theme Chosen: Nutty
There once was a nutty professor
Who felt he was so much the lesser
He mixed in a beaker
The perfect Id-tweaker
Out popped a sharp-dresser successor.
Buddy Love was the coolest of men
Where once an old egg-head had been
But despite how he tried
The old prof couldn't hide
From his nature, or who he had been.
His honest intent from the start
To impress a young blonde, a-la-cart
But each potion he'd brew
Wasn't sweet or as true
As the man that she found ... in his heart.
~ 1st Place ~ in the "Favorite Comedy Movie" Poetry Contest, Alexis Y., Sponsor.
Life is like a nut,
Differs in shape, size, color or crust,
Life is like a nut.
For some, it’s like a coconut,
Beyond the reach, safe from gust
Very important, much privileged!
Whether unripen or matured.
For some it’s like a peanut,
Malleable, fit in budget
Widely spread, versatile no doubt
However, down and out.
For some it’s like a walnut,
You can see the eminence clear cut
Set comfortably in its dwell,
In a hard stilted shell.
For some it’s like a pine nut,
Gazes weird I tell you what
Shielded with strong beautiful woody cone,
Prevents you! to invade its zone.
For some it’s like a cashew nut,
Self-interested, pricy somewhat
Tightly attached with red pulpy drupe,
Be cautious! While shelling the fruit
For some it’s like a chestnut,
Down-to-earth, graceful but,
Surrounded with sharp spines called “Bur”
All adversities ought to conquer.
Life is like a nut,
Differs in shape, size, color or crust,
Life is like a nut.
My nutty week stays long in my memory
My brain didn't process like it would normally
But just to be sure I now lay of the pink gin
I will share you my tale and shall now begin.
Paracetamol had been placed inside the freezer
Then found in the bread bin, the daily newspaper
My mouthwash was used as a face cleanser
Then sprayed underarms with the air freshener.
When cooking dinner I put no water in pans
Smoke and burnt offerings, so opened a soup can
Two hours of slow sewing, repairing some things
Only to discover I'd missed both sides of the seams.
Made tea instead of coffee, an easy mistake
But my feather head told me it's chocolate milk shake
Lucky that time the tea had cooled down
But annoyed with myself and felt a right clown.
Was I losing my marbles? why all the muddles?
That week I seemed in a right fuddy duddle
But the last straw came when I went to bed
I had slept on the floor of the garden shed.
The second stanza is true, I have done all that
The rest is made up for bit of spoof slap
But wanted a poem for the nutty contest
This I made up from my nutty mind set.
"N" Contest, New or Old Poetry Contest
Sponsor Constance La France
Written 20.09.21
Most people go bananas
over chocolate
I'm well nuts about nuts
as well
Stuff them in chocolate
ice-cream or sherbet.
Yeah munch on peanuts
brunch on hazelnuts
Ah lunch on pecan nuts
or crunch on chestnuts
For nuts could never
drive one nuts
Ironically nutters
perhaps never ate them
A nutcase perhaps never
pried open
a nut from its case
as nuts could never ever
fall from grace
Any nut brown eyes
shouldn't miss them.
Nuts are an anytime
anywhere snack
Do travel with 'em' in
your backpack
Savour the taste of
salted groundnuts or
roasted peanuts
I even see locals munch
on round kola nuts.
Western walnuts are
tasty too
and acorns ain't just for
squirrels
in forests or the zoo
Enjoy the crunchy East
African cashews
Snack on slivered Indian
almonds
or even Persian
pistachios
Ahem well rhyming this
poem
was sure quite a tough
nut to crack ;)
Rhyming was tough for
this nutty crunchy snack
Besides there's so many
of them
I can't just put em' all in
a nutshell
I can only hope and wish
you enjoy
this nutty tale I tell.
But I do hope to have
offered all the nuts and
bolts on nut variety
And now nothing else
can rhyme here
except its creator the
Almighty
And this poem be as well
for all poetry nuts
for don't all of you poets
have such poetic guts?
A word in caveat now,
yeah go on crack those
nuts
but take care not to
crack your canines
Pray protect your pearly
whites
Your very own precious
stalactites
those right inside your
facial cave mines
and lest with cavity
holes you whine.
For breakfast or with Sunday brunch,
there’s a cereal I like a bunch.
But to quietly eat,
one can’t be too discreet
munching nuggets that have a BIG crunch.
It’s Grape-Nuts! They fill up your gut
with barley and wheat goodness, but
do not be too miffed
if through them you sift
and find not ONE grape or one nut!
Its nutritional value is high,
but I pile it up to the sky
with sugar or honey.
I guess I’m just funny,
even sweetening my Cocoa Puffs! (sigh)
For PD's (LIMERICK) your Favorite Cereal Poetry Contest
Thick glasses and buck teethed
bumbling, insecure, nerdy and meek
he got many laughs
blowing up his class
teaching chemistry with two left feet
Julius was tired of being prudent
wanting to attract his female student
so he drank his potion
feeling new emotions
becoming Buddy who was confident
Buddy Love was a suave singing snob
who attracted Stella and a whole mob
but Stella soon knew
from Buddy's clues
that he was giving her a snow job
So Stella fell for nerdy Julius
even though his looks he did not fuss
making her laugh
before and after class
Buddy now gone they both had enough
Down the hall they'd walk hand in hand
Stella his wife, Julius her man
with braces on his teeth
she kissed his cheek
dropping books which wasn't his plan
3-3-18
He stops
Then hops
On sill
His thrill
To peek
And seek
Highjack
A snack
Eyes flare
With glare
Embrace
My face
To hand
A grand
Cool treat
To eat
Give bread
Instead
Not fit
Drops it!
Seems mad
So bad
Bites thumb!
I'm glum!
I sway
Give way
Throw nuts
He gluts!
Spoiled brat!
Now scat!
August 27, 2022
Contest: Brian Strand Premiere Choice
Sponsor: Brian Strand
There was a diva from Vancouver
Her car was a Octane blue Lancer
Modelling was her passion
Day came, to show fashion
She lay in bed due to a hangover!
You see I was mad for one day,
But I had such a wonderful time.
Banana peels for hair, curled in a fancy way,
Grape stains in me face for freckles weren’t a crime.
Now for effect, I’ll stick a couple of plums
On me eyes with slits so I can see through.
I’ll pop a mandarin on me mouth so I look rum
And two nuts in me nostrils, a nice brown hue.
I’m ready for a walk in town
In me new gear, oh and the stares.
Oh, the glare of them sane folks at me crown.
I thought I was the star of the show, but I was only a mad dare.
So what when they locked me in the asylum,
I had a good laugh at them snobs
For I was the king of my mad world in ecstatic delirium.
None of em can rob me of that with their goofy, gaping gobs.
They’re bloody lucky I wasn’t rude and carnal
Cos I could’ve pasted the banana peels on my cock,
Danced in the streets, naked with a mandarin on me naval.
I could’ve even stuck the nuts up my ass as I rock.
To hell with it, perhaps I’ll do that another day.
I’ll just serve me 30 days in prison.
Judge didn’t understand me but then he didn’t know how to play,
Play with life and be silly---have a good laugh for no reason.
That’s the way of breakin the wall through insanity,
In a world that’s so correct and sane.
A rigid wall that stops creativity,
Bars being silly and happy, their bane,
NOT
MINE
BUDDY!
(to be read out loud)
I'll eat the nibble naggle nooky nickel
nipple nappy mum mum mum
I'll chew your gooble gobble giggle gaggle
gimpy grampa's gum gum gum.
I'll call the wimpy wappy wiggle waggle
wacky wobble wum wum wum
I'll drink the wiggin' wimple whoopy whacker
wookie worker's rum rum rum.
Woo wow wee wah
Geegaw mee mah
Hee haw hoo har hey hey hey.
Mao moo mud muck
Wigwam poobah
Mad mook mick mack yay yay yay.
I'll have a murky muddle maple maggot
monkey marbles chum chum chum
I raised a ticky tacky tinky tonka
tailor's tiny thumb thumb thumb.
I'm really punky pickled pooka puckers
pitter patter dumb dumb dumb
I hear my diggle daggle doggy dingle
diddle daddled hum hum hum.
lvl
Eos, the philosopher from DeBrios
Caught a grouchy tomcat nutty Felios
He squeezed the stupid cat
In logical unrest
Got not an ounce of wisdom - he only mews
ooooo
Pine nuts
May remind you
Of Pesto,
They rewind
Me to Rome.
Eternal blue skies
Soccer games
Lemon and fragola ice creams
The Vatican,
A city once called home.
My neighbor Giorgio
We met at the park
Initial sign language
Kicked the ball then till dark.
Skinny tall Pine trees
Peaked green Monte Mario hills
Surrounding fresh perfume,
Throughout historic stills.
Intrepid pastime
Was climbing
Slim trunks
Stealing trees pine cones,
Then eating pine nuts.
All empty hollow cones
Water colored each husk
Rainbow like painted,
Bringing sunshine
To Christmas dusk.
Memories brought back
With each little bite
Earthy tiny small pieces
Remembers me Rome
In each pine nut.
recalcitrant nut
will not yield its hidden heart
resists invasion
patience gone where is hammer?
walnut obliterated.
" N" Poems
Nutty
Poetry Contest
Sponsored
by
Constance La France
20/09/2021
When confused or excited,
Phil chatters inanely.
When he’s irked, he’s not placid;
He gestures insanely.
When he’s full of strange antics,
some folks won’t go near him.
He just gets on their last nerve--
no reason to fear him.
When he makes wild suggestions,
his family get surly,
and his friends are disparaging:
“Phil, don’t be squirrelly!”
They think Phil’s such a fruitcake,
a loser, a dummy.
He would show them all. He'd make
creations so yummy.
When this loser got famous,
they all were astounded.
A great fruit cake company
old nutty Phil founded!
His old critics are huge fans,
rating his cakes "superior.”
They recall when they all thought
Phil was so inferior.
April 15, 2023
Contest Name: They say he's a loser
Sponsor: Joe Maverick