Best Miffed Poems
Coming from Texas, I knew he’d be loud
And soon I discovered that two is a crowd
Is that the privy? he asked of my house
When he saw my dog he said you’ve got a mouse!
We heard on the news that a bush kangaroo
It might have been two, had escaped from the zoo
He said that in Texas there’s no cangerroose
Don't know what they are but they wouldn't get loose
He bragged that in Texas the average rat
Is three times the size of what we call a cat
He spotted some sheep and a grin touched his lips
Why have you got a field full of Q-tips
And then as we stood there a crow passed us by
The Texan said hey bud, should I swat that fly
He whipped up my carpet and then told me that
He’s going to splat it with this little mat
My pet snake I showed him, I thought he might squirm
He said back in Texas, we call that a worm
He stared at my garage and called it a hive
I was still miffed when we went for a drive
We drove by some cows that were stocky and fat
But Tex said his pigs are far bigger than that
Well, I bit my tongue as I drove, heading south
The only thing big around here was his mouth
Those two missing Roos hopped right into the road
The Texan appeared to think I should have slowed
I sped up and ran them both down with my truck
He cried stone the crows, are you nuts, what the f*ck
He shouted pull over, you must call the coppers
I said that I would for a dog or a cat
But not for a couple of bloody grasshoppers!
He never said much after that
That foolish stranger who had wandered into town
bickering with folks, trying to shove them around
was nothing more than an old worn-out clown.
Beneath Soup Creek Bridge, we saw him drown.
We thought he'd learned a lesson and ran away,
but fate did him in for being such a mean hombre'
Sooner or later the devil always demands his pay.
The foolish stranger couldn't escape his doomsday.
He thought he'd left Soup Creek with a parting gift
that would make some angry, leaving others miffed
but it triggered laughter, which gave the town a lift,
knowing that hombre's ghost has been set adrift.
Foolishly, he tried to dance in the streets of Soup Creek
expecting those he'd injured to turn the other cheek.
With no help from the Beautiful People, once his clique,
the stranger with a mean streak was cowardly and weak
There's a moral to all stories, and this one is no exception
"Treat people like dirt and don't expect a warm reception."
The measure of a man isn't found in lies and deception
That was the stranger's concept, a gross misconception.
No peace to be found in death for one who doesn't behave.
Thanks to Sheriff Koplin, Gambler Milt, and Ranger Dave,
the ladies and the posse who pointed guns at the knave.
Undertaker Tom, time to put that dead stranger in a grave.
From seconds to minutes to hours to night, then to day,
Time moved, taking with it, the bliss I was sharing with you.
Life's moments cannot be retrieved; so what could I do
while there in the warmth of your strong loving arms I lay?
With torrents and torrents of ticking and ticking away,
relentlessly, cruelly, Time rained down upon us that night.
Dark faded to dawn; I was wishing with all of my might
that Time would suspend itself, and in your arms I would stay!
But Time is an executioner one cannot sway.
How I wish (though it seems the mere pausing of Time is a sin)
that Time could have stopped, and my last night with you would have been
serene and unhastened, Time miffed by its own delay.
For Barbara Gorelick's Contest:
Once Upon a "Time"
The warlock said to the witch,
Man, ain't it grand living large like Oz,
being bigly Emerald City rich
The witch crowed back,
I get paid good for giving speeches
that have no policy incantation glitch
The warlock laughed hard and long,
then chortled with maniacal glee:
I like the way you got a huge fee
for selling that "Deal Me In" dirge song
The witch returned the faint praise
with a piercing scowl and a sinister smile
You got those lemmings running thru a maze,
chasing your tale that it's all rigged anyhow
The warlock started getting miffed,
and his hair began to burn with an orange glow
He mockingly said, Endora, all the polls show
that you're a walking political gift
The witch angrily retorted: What spell did you use
to make yourself become 50 feet tall
Oh yeah, that's right. Should Humpty Dumpty lose,
it won't be much of a fall off that stupid wall
The warlock let out a sigh, and said:
You know we have to spit venom
at each other on the campaign stump
That's just how it is, and has to be
The witch let out a sigh too, and said:
Since our youthful days of wearing denim,
it's something we can't tell the voting chumps
That we're really friends, you and me
Then they both hugged each other,
and said goodbye to one another privately
The witch winked at the warlock, and cackled this:
No matter who wins,
I'm offering well wishes to you
So don't forget to send me a mean tweet
The warlock nodded back at the witch, and bellowed this:
Once the results are in,
I'll reply with well wishes too
But of course, don't you forget to delete
Pink Floyd said,
'All you touch and all you see
Is all your life will ever be'
Do you believe it
How can that be
A world in which there
Are no dreams
Where everything
Is only as it seems
Was Pink kidding me
If God is dead
And dreams don't exist
If love's a farce
Then I'm so miffed
And I can't breathe
I can't breathe
~Lyric Man
Note: The Pink Floyd band is legendary. Their lyrics some of the best ever written. But I didn't always agree with their message. In this simple lyric I take issue with one of their more famous lines.
Watts gnu
Asked Sou
Knot much
Said Dutch
Ewe're late
Four date
Takes walk
Small talk
Tries hug
Slugs mug
Steels kiss
Near miss
Street car
Two bar
Byes bier
Ayes blear
Holds hand
Grate band
Lets dance
Know chance
Yew're drunk
Yew punk
He heaves
She leaves
Head tossed
Git lost
Sou miffed
Left swift
Ewe're tight
Good nite
Retirement offers things new
I'm shouting a hip-hip yahoo
If what you’re feeling
Comes from a glass ceiling
Stop squealing and just say I'm through!
Retirement offers a lift
With no bad-ass boss who gets miffed
Since freedom will ring
The songs that I’ll sing
Sound more like those by Taylor Swift
His hair is gray, his face is gray, his demeanor is gray.
His pants are gray. His jacket is gray.
He sits on my slow-down-corner a lot in his gray hoodie.
His sign says ‘hungry’; after a few weeks, the sign is gray also.
I drive by him every morning irritated that he sits there, with
That sign and that shopping cart. I feel irritated instead of grateful.
I feel miffed instead of sorry for gray man.
Gray man sits on this corner for weeks.
It is getting a little bit colder. I wonder if he is homeless
Or just trying to fool us. Does he have a truck parked around the
corner? He has a dog with him today, a black dog who looks as
drab as gray man’s dingy clothes and un-soft-looking gray hoodie.
Gray man looks up to see if I recognize him but I drive past, without making
eye contact, afraid of his situation, afraid of his begging ways.
Feeling annoyed and angry instead of recognizing my fear and feeling compassionate
And helpful.
God introduces me to His Son when I get to heaven; but I do not recognize Him for I never made eye contact, remember?
Little Mary had a cute bunny pet,
she played with, till another one she met.
When autumn’s crunchy breeze started to blow,
a pigeon made home in her window low.
Soon it became a dear friend of Mary,
cooed at morn to wake her up gently.
She fed the bird along with her bunny,
and through the fall she had great time funny.
When the winter came the bird flew away,
left for her a feather on the walkway.
From the window sad bunny looked out miffed,
as she crouched to pick it up as a gift.
#3
"The Folk Dance"
On the backs of well formed muscular miners
Working hard in the trenches on a daily basis
For the men who need coal, fat cats and such
Dirty, sweaty and tireless toil try to wear them down
Dehydration and soot inhalation runs rampant
An epidemic throughout lower Appalachia
The jobs they need, for their survival indeed
Their meager paychecks insist they must do it for the love
Ten to fourteen hour shifts and then they collapse on the bed
Six days of the week it's merciless work to anybody
Sunday comes and they can take a day of rest
A certain buzz going around electrifies every last person
Timing is just right to surprise the deserving workers
Since people have prepared to throw down a hoe down!
The good old fashioned type with the elongated dresses
In classic style with seemingly everybody statewide participating
With a do-se-do and an allemande left good country spirits spin uproariously
Twisting and turning to chanted rhythms on a hard packed dirt floor
Inhibitions are nowhere to be found amongst these family friendly folk
Arm in arm with strangers they know each other wants a fair time
Soon the energy starts rocking to the extended company outside
The hootenanny has grown too big for just one barn, they are tireless
"Well Shucks." says the fat cat "I don't work them hard enough!"
Watching from afar he fumbles with his pocket watch just a little miffed
A raucous good time for a genuinely good people
The orchestrator slows it down some and pulls out his granddaddy's autoharp
Relaxing to an old fashioned twang, the couples do their thing
Getting closer to each other rocking calmly to and fro
Feeling four minutes of tenderness with filled loving concentration
Because those seconds are the fleeting ones
Then the banjos bring the pace back up to complement rowdy fiddles
Moving and twirling, elation fills the air for a chance at remembering
Why they are alive for each other, ingenious in its simplicity
While Merriness is their motto
And not even the coal mines can make them forget that
The Darwin Awards are a posthumous honor, recognizing those who have improved the human gene pool by removing themselves from it by their own foolish actions.
In a robbery way out in Long Beach
Elliot's handgun misfired in the breech
Down the barrel he took
A quite scatterbrained look
Then made it more than a figure of speech
There was a foolish fellow named Gary
Who gulped gasoline over near Cary
The fuel made him gag
So he fired up a ***
And now smokes in the state mortuary
"Look, no helmet!" Phil proudly decried
In the headgear disobedience ride
He stood for his rights
Then put out his lights
When he flew off his Electra Glide
An impatient Korean got miffed
And was ramming the doors of the lift
Then went a bit daft
When he got the shaft
But his ride to the bottom was swift
References:
http://jdgroover.wordpress.com/2013/08/20/the-2013-darwin-awards-are-out/
http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2012-03.html
http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2011-03.html
http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2010.html
Santa Claus, should he really exist
Would have every Soupers name on his list
He'd make sure none of us were miffed
And provide for each a special gift
When Boehner invited Netanyahu to address Congress, the prez was miffed!
Congress didn't notify him and he whined, "By gawd! I was stiffed!"
Boehner smiled and said, "Sorry, Mr. Prez! This time you get short shrift!"
"Well, you'll never be invited to fly on Air Force One again!" he sniffed!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) 2015 All Rights Reserved
I'm feeling sick from your two faced hypocrisy
When you say one thing and then you're doing another
Cold whispers behind my back you talk about me
Then you act like my best friend with no apology
Why do you beak these friendship rules
And why am I left a suffering fool
I'm left with thoughts of violence and then I'm feeling weak and passive
I'm now a massive walking talking contradiction
And I'm left believing the facts and fiction
It's all because of your backstabbing dealings
I want to know your game and why I'm the victim of your play
I will not be left the loser of this game
I intend to stay strong and take my prize
As I will face you full on and cut you down to size
This may be hit and miss
But I will expose your cowardice
As you look into my eyes and see that I'm miffed
And so sick of your ficticious recitals
Now you will realise for you to have kept two facing me was fatal
So answer to me fake friend your front is now broken
And you feel you're struggling to breathe
But now I've lost my use for sensitivity
Remember who crossed the line
I have one fast thought of does it matter at all
Then it all comes back that it's you who broke the rules
Now you've been confronted and your colour fades to grey
You feel your time ticking by as tomorrow turns into today
This was my revenge on you fake friend
My fake friend revenge!
Football exists!
It's all hit and miss,
The goals they missed,
Lost in the mists,
Supporters get miffed,
Yes, football exists,
Woe! No more need be said,
I've banished football from my head!