Best Loo Poems
Luloo was in a terrible rush
Shovelled snow then fell on her tush
It isn't a joke -
Her ankle got broke
But the snow's now turned into slush
GET WELL SOON LULOO
26th February 2016
There was a line at the loo
poor pups didn't know what to do
each clapped his four paws
with rousing applause
when Frenchy finished his poo!
Dear Santa,
As you may well know,
it's tights and not stockings that are all the go.
So, with no stockings to hang on the bedstead,
would a pair of my bloomers be OK instead?
I'll sew up the legs so that there is more space,
can't have my gifts falling all over the place.
I hope you don't mind, as my wine you consume,
please try to be silent when entering my room.
I'm a light sleeper and at my age, which is quite a pain,
if I lose too much sleep, then it addles my brain.
You may kiss me sweetly if I'm in deep slumber
mistletoe on my pillow, plus telephone number.
I promise to leave you a home-made mince pie,
though the pastry's gone soggy
'cause the onions made me cry.
Myopia means recipes I really struggle to see
though onion in mince pies' is a new one on me.
But the pies are quite tasty as I'm sure you'll agree
and if you're still hungry, then have two or three!
There's a drop of fine whisky which you may try too,
bought by my late husband circa 1952
'twas in an old bottle I found in the shed
my hubby drank most of it afore dropping dead.
I think you're so special, dear old Santa Claus,
now here's what I would like you to leave in my drawers:.
1. A pretty box - so I may store my false teeth so neat,
so I can find 'em when I gets me something to eat.
2. A walking frame 'cause I am liable to fall,
and falling, alas, does you no good at all.
3. Some California Poppy, as supplies now seem so short,
if this scent can't be found I will smell like a horse.
4. A pair of big knockers, for front and back door.
A warm cosy nighty, don't need see-throughs no more.
5. Get me a back scratcher, please, if you can,
I can't scratch that itch since I lost me old man.
6. Also an emergency underwear kit,
as nowadays there's times when I don't quite make it.
7. If you have a big dog, leave it in the back yard,
I'll treat quite kindly, if me it will guard.
Thats all the gifts on my Christmas wish list,
but I'll settle for more Santa, if you insist.
I haven't been naughty for many a year,
when awaking, I expect all my gifts to be here!
Merry Christmas!
Looby Loo x
* * *
Christmas 2020
Dear Santa, it’s Looby Loo, I’m still here
It’s a miracle, have been ill all year
I don’t want you to forget to stop by
As this old gal would then break down and cry.
I need decent bloomers, mine are in holes
And us oldies truly do feel the cold
A box of curlers, the soft spongy type
As the old un’s wake me up in the night.
I’d like a dressing gown, size twenty four
I can’t do mine up, it don’t fit no more
Some new fluffy slippers to match it too
Mine are worn out, so I need them it’s true.
I may be old, but I like to look nice
Lipstick and face powder would see me right
Oh, some perfume too as mine has run dry
I wish to smell sweet when passing folk by.
Walking isn’t easy for me these days
A four wheeled walker would make me feel brave
I’d be most grateful if all this I get
I’m sure I will, as you are the best yet.
Try not to wake me as I needs my sleep
I’ll leave you some wine and mince pies to eat
Slam the door shut when you leave Santa please
I don’t want my presents stolen by thieves.
Bless you dear Santa for all that you do
Merry Christmas and may the Lord bless you
Looby Loo.
Call me 1 Eyed Harry koo loo
From shy town,kalamazoo
No ham and egger here
Just a local yokel yessiree
WRITTEN FOR AND POSTED WITH THE PERMISSION OF LAURA LOO WHO RECENTLY LOST HER CHERISHED DOG BO
I know the day has finally arrived and that soon we are going to lose you forever. I drive the car so so slowly as I take you to the vets. I just want to hold on to you for a few more precious minutes before we part. Weeping silent tears I bury my head in your soft fur and look into those sweet brown eyes for the final time.
Such a loyal pet
Your paws wrap around my heart*
Goodbye my sweet friend
*This line is used with very kind permission of Ed Ebbs – it was in a soup mail we exchanged and I thought it would be perfect for my poem. (the actual line was your paws are wrapped around my heart)
10~12~16
“Okay then, alright then, toodle-loo, bye-bye!”
Sure love to hear that again
My first wife would end each phone conversation
With this familiar old refrain
Once uttering these words of sheer finality
It was over, finis, a done deal
Even though their words are heard trailing off
Time's up, no chance to repeal
Was definitely over when this sweet lady quoted
These charming memorable words
Am I dreaming or did I actually just hear them again
Can't be true, that's totally absurd!
“Okay then, alright then, toodle-loo, bye-bye!”
Sure love to hear that again
Life has moved on but love to hear them once more
That familiar sweet old refrain
© Jack Ellison 2013
white Easter Lily
in church celebrates Pure One –
in fields love - not toil
Written/Composed Good Friday Morning, 14 April 2017.
The Loo Seat.
Oh no it’s that time once again
Beware out there all of you men
It's time to look out
When you hear the shout
‘Who left the seat up once again?’
© 15/07/2013
Competition Entry
WATER LOO
Water water everywhere*
and oh how it did stink
water water everywhere
and all my undies pink
alone amid the rising tide
of baby toys and diapers
I stand in brownish bubbling surf
wondering which is riper
my mutinous crew has left the ship
fleeing from the putrid stench
I’ve also been abandoned by
my “ever-faithful” wench.
Alas as Captain I must endure
consequences of this blunder
hold my nose as I await
my rescue by - the plumber.
John G. Lawless
3/30/2016
My apologies to Samuel Taylor Coleridge for stealing this line from his poem
“The Rime of the Ancient Mariner”
For we are but a vapor soon to be invisible
floating onward past earth’s antipodal
Of the things, one could say in times of mourning,
It could be said, "one day we will see them again"
or "times like these come every now and then"
but whether death strikes with or without warning
you can't go wrong with words that are warming
For death is a defeated opponent in the game of life, amen
Even though this is
a poetry soup contest
forget not, humanity
With much care, I send
my condolences to you
Blessings, poet Laura Loo
Written April 19, 2017
The release, our body’s mystical excretion
The seat you perch for success or redemption
A subconscious practice we fulfill everyday
But not a favorable topic to vulgarly say
With or without candles we make it plunge
The emptiness is fulfilling, shall we once again munch?
Once is enough, thrice means dehydration
Discomfort is the name for what relates to constipation
The loo keeps more than a confession
It has immeasurable perseverance from odor sedation
So sit with a new perspective
Everybody poops, therefore honor its objective!
Thomas Cat Loo
Have you heard the tale of a rabbit, whose name was Thomas Cat?
You might think this a little strange and I must agree with that.
But Thomas you see was adopted, by a feline named Kitty Loo.
She saw Thomas in a little basket, and knew what she must do.
She took poor Thomas as her son, and watched him as he grew.
She knew one day he’d leave the den, and that had made her blue.
Thomas had known he was different, after all how could he not.
But he had a lot of good friends, one named Iron Pot.
Now Iron Pot he was a tortoise, with a shell as hard as stone.
When he was young, he was very little, but then he had grown and grown.
They hung out with two rabbit friends; one a girl and one a boy.
The boy, his name was Peter, while the girl, was known as Joy.
They called themselves ‘The Cool Four’ and I’d agree with that.
For cool is what I’d call four friends; two rabbits, a tortoise and a cat.
These friends had a dream to be musicians, and so they formed a band.
They played each night in a meadow field, and I think that’s just grand.
Who am I you may ask. Why I am Kitty Loo.
And I couldn’t be more proud of my kitten, my boy, my Thomas Loo.
I have never met the lovely Laura Loo in person.
But she's a wonderful poet, of that I am certain.
Her comments on my poems are warm and sincere.
Poetrysoup is lucky to have her here!
10/9/16
Written for CB Tribute Contest-Laura Loo
Sponsor: Andrea Dietrich
Awarded 1st Place
In heaven there’s two toilets of gold
(I’ve not been but it’s what I am told)
And if you need to do
Some urine or pooh
You really must be very bold
I’m advised there are no toilet doors
No excrement gains a round of applause
As it’s real bummer
Cos there is no plumber
Any blockage then God will know the cause
A plunger’s by the side of the loo
To remove any blockage of pooh
Just remember to flush
When you’ve wiped your tush
And hurry in case there’s a big queue
God’s plumbing is far from perfection
But water swirls in a clockwise direction
It’s released ev’ry hour
In a brown and gold shower
From this impact we all need protection!
The Throne in Heaven Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Jack Webster
10/11/21