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There's No Knocking On Heaven's Loo Door

In heaven there’s two toilets of gold
(I’ve not been but it’s what I am told)
And if you need to do
Some urine or pooh
You really must be very bold

I’m advised there are no toilet doors
No excrement gains a round of applause
As it’s real bummer
Cos there is no plumber
Any blockage then God will know the cause

A plunger’s by the side of the loo
To remove any blockage of pooh
Just remember to flush
When you’ve wiped your tush
And hurry in case there’s a big queue

God’s plumbing is far from perfection
But water swirls in a clockwise direction
It’s released ev’ry hour
In a brown and gold shower
From this impact we all need protection!

The Throne in Heaven Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Jack Webster
10/11/21

heavenhumorouslimerick

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Delice Arleen Skelly

Date: 10/22/2021 9:50:00 AM

Thought this was a difficult prompt!You navigated it with style..Delice

Sara Kendrick

Date: 10/16/2021 3:21:00 PM

Creative and imaginative work for the contest. I haven't read about the contest but it must be an interesting one. Thanks for dropping by with congrats. Sara

Terry Flood

Date: 10/12/2021 1:29:00 PM

Yuk! Following on from Tom and Caren’s comments, I understood that the ‘Gold lavvy nicker’ had struck again and both those toilets have been pilfered. The HPD are looking into it but they have nothing to go on. (The old ones really are the best ones). One of your grossest poems, Jan. you must be quite flushed. ;-)

Jan Allison
Date: 10/13/2021 4:45:00 PM

ha ha ha Terry I do worry about my muse lol, I think Looseheel Ball is one of my better efforts lol:-) hugs Jan xx

Rico Leffanta

Date: 10/12/2021 11:18:00 AM

Love your disclaimer, too! Well done! You clearly put some thought (and experience?) into this one!

Rico Leffanta
Date: 10/13/2021 11:30:00 AM

Thanks for the laugh!

Jan Allison
Date: 10/12/2021 1:19:00 PM

just writing my usual poop Rico, it flows naturally lol:-) hugs jan xx

Caren Krutsinger

Date: 10/12/2021 10:38:00 AM

I was thinking the same thing that Tom was thinking, but he is always the first one to comment on everyone's poems so read what he said, and pretend I said it too.

Jan Allison
Date: 10/12/2021 1:18:00 PM

lol Caren:-) hugs Jan xx

Tom Cunningham

Date: 10/12/2021 1:39:00 AM

Now I know where that five million pound toilet stolen two years ago from Blenheim Palace went lol. Tom

Jan Allison
Date: 10/12/2021 1:18:00 PM

hahaha:-) hugs jan xx

Victor Buhagiar

Date: 10/11/2021 11:01:00 PM

No wonder this world is full of pee and poo. Hugs.

Jan Allison
Date: 10/12/2021 1:18:00 PM

Thanks Victor:-) hugs Jan xx

Arthur Vaso

Date: 10/11/2021 8:33:00 PM

LOL great!

Jan Allison
Date: 10/12/2021 1:17:00 PM

Thanks Art:-) hugs Jan xx

Lindsay Laurie

Date: 10/11/2021 7:15:00 PM

Hello Jan ... is the quote 'waste not, want out' apply to heaven as well. Makes me wonder where I should go when the grim reaper calls - thanks Jan - Lindsay

Jan Allison
Date: 10/12/2021 1:16:00 PM

I'm being cremated so i know i will be going somewhere hot:) hugs Jan xx

L Milton Hankins

Date: 10/11/2021 5:57:00 PM

Oh my. This is a real stinker! I love it, but I'll bet someone takes exception to the line "God's plumbing is far from perfection," since God is supposed to be absolutely perfect. Who knew??? I can't come up with a single-ply thought for this one!

Jan Allison
Date: 10/12/2021 1:16:00 PM

If anyone takes exception then so be it - Amen to their negativity and lack of sense of humour lol:-) hugs Jan xx