Best Knickers Poems
Here’s a bold tale it will have you in titters
It’s about poor Sheila who lost her knickers
She went for a cruise upon the great ocean
Fell in the water with the boats sudden motion.
She swallowed some water and began to cough
A big wave engulfed her and tore her knickers off
A passing gull dived and took them in its beak
Poor Sheila cried out, “Oh what a damn cheek”.
The fog horn sounded and the ship it slowed down
Everyone was worried that poor Sheila would drown
Someone said “It’s a shame for the poor young lass”
Sheila was more worried that they’d see her bare ass
A lifeboat was launched to rescue poor Sheila
But as she was hauled in they could see her posterior
Cameras were clicking aimed at her anatomy
Soon would be online for the entire world to see.
Always make sure your elastic is tight
Or like poor Sheila, lose them you might
Poor Sheila is still struggling to live it down
Still gets wolf whistled when she goes into town.
“I will not be cruising for quite a long while
I’ve bought some new knickers” she said with a smile.
On the side of a cliff there is a gull’s nest
That is lined with silk knickers of quality the best.
Written 25th March 2018.
(aka "Trump's Bottom Line")
Cartel Jesus launched an old crone
High over Trump's Wall on a drone
Our Border Patrol
Went out of control
Snapping photos with their iPhone!
Poor Pauline was caught unawares when she was in a rush
She ripped the seam of her jeans exposing her enormous tush
People started smiling when she had passed their way
For her tiny G-string panties were clearly on display!
She could feel a cooling breeze around her nether region
Thank goodness it was summer and not the winter season!
Jan Allison
24th April 2016
The clothing she wears is obscene,
And knackered her washing machine,
She washes by hand,
But please understand,
Her knickers are never too clean...
for Jan's Limerick contest
Twenty detectives all hand picked
Trying to find the knickers that have just been nicked
They have searched all day but nothing has clicked
I'm sure this case has got them licked .
They asked me for my pass
As I entered my class
They even had the cheek to follow me to mass
If they think it was me they can kiss my @*>
It seems because the weather had been fine
The knickers were hung on a washing line
in the back garden of a friend of mine
and now these coppers are looking for a sign .
They've looked in my garden shed
under the pillows on my bed
I was so angry my face was red
They were just eliminating me they said .
Now they've gone to have a crack
at the neighbours down the track
He's even made the coppers a coffee and a snack
While they're gone i'll put the knickers back,.
Houdini was a master of illusion it's said
Escaping from handcuffs while chained to a bed
Like the sex games we play
When our partner must obey
Wearing a mask with her knickers on our heads
© Jack Ellison 2015
Last night our kitchen light stopped working
It was intermittent all flashing and jerking
A replacement one was quickly needed
There was one on the shelves – our prayers were heeded
We were both up the ladder – we were drilling and screwing
Oh I am thankful my hubby knows what he’s doing
When the light switch was switched on
Bright golden glowing light gently shone
Everywhere was covered with a fine layer of dust
So I got out the hoover - I cursed and I cussed
I started cleaning the nooks and crannies
My hoover is quite new it’s not like my grannies
I hang lots of washing by the kitchen door
But something had dropped right onto the floor
The hoover sucked up my pink lacy knickers
The light on the hoover went red and flickers
I shouted my hubby please come here quick
The hoover has swallowed my frilly nicks
We started to laugh as we undid the cover
My pink dusty knickers we soon did discover
The moral of this story is hang on to your frillies
If not, your assets may get a dose of the chillies
I’m going to keep a tight grip of my panties
I wonder if my husband totally agrees
30th March 2014
This really happened yesterday!
My underwear brand is called INDIAN
The reason for the name is simple, so listen
They tend to CREEP UP
In the crack of your butt
The commercial shows this guy a-pickin'
© Jack Ellison 2015
God knows what you need
Before you need it
So why bend your knees
To chant or plead it?
Remember when you
Would make such a fuss
Each time your mum asked,
"Clean knickers for the bus?"
Been married three times, - on the lookout for number four
If your hubby meets 'Miss Yo-Yo knickers' it may be outright war
She’s always up for some bedroom action
Like a bee finds a flower its a fatal attraction
Her leather jeans cover her pure white thighs
What lies in between them she never denies
Her purple negligee skims just above her waist
Men are quick to remove it with very great haste
Guys are dazzled by her outstanding beauty
She’s like Beyonce when she shakes her booty
Sadly like a butterfly she flits from man to man
Looking for passion wherever she can
But she can never be trusted to be faithful
If she meets your hubby it could be fatal
So Miss Yo-Yo knickers find someone who isn’t taken
Or his marriage vows may be forsaken
Jan Allison
16th May 2014
'Twas an unpleasant night for Santa Claus
When discovered he had pooped his drawers
From a rooftop he fell
Spread around was the smell
When he frightfully landed on all fours
Poor Santa was in such a lot of pain
For his knees had opened a sewer drain
He was cleaned with a hose
From his head to his toes
But the red pants of his suit had a stain
All the reindeer tried to hide their snickers
Rudolph's nose blinked off and on in flickers
Good thing Santa wore tights
To cover his 'delights'
Which were exposed when he dropped his knickers
Somebody’s stolen her knickers
They were left out to dry in the sun
Why were they so cruel and heartless
Was it done out of spite or for fun
Pink panties, purloined by a weirdo
Did they do it for some sort of dare
Surely they knew, like most of us do
That these were her solitary pair
We watched as she sat down and blubbered
We felt for this big bonnie lass
And then all as one “what is to be done
To cover her huge naked ass”
So we all put in money to buy some
A pair that were pretty, yet strong
But with knickers that size, you will not be surprised
That all we could get was a thong
When the undies were duly presented
She accepted, with style and with grace
And the smile of her **** was only surpassed
By the smile we could see on her face
Her knickers are frilly and red,
she wears 'em except in her bed,
she's known in the town
for yanking 'em down,
and whirling 'em high overhead!
written 12th May for Tania's limerick contest
The old lady made a brew
She called it magic, a potion stew
It made men wise, and made them kind
This little witch wasn’t the evil kind
She lured the wary, into her lair
She cooked up compassion with a flair
For every wrinkle, she had a smile
Her ginger house, was sought for many a mile
Love is magic as anyone knows
Her broom swept away, many a woes
In Ireland she sleeps, long since gone
So witches knickers, in memory, haunt on
I'm looking for knickers and it's a worry;
What'll I do if I'm caught in a hurry?
(These days my signals have got a bit blurry.)
I've looked in the closet and under the bed.
I know that's strange but who knows where I'll shed?
I've found only two and I know there were more.
They're not in the dryer nor in the wrong drawer,
Not on the line or in the fridge door.
(You'll gather by this that I've lost things before!)
What have I done? Have I made a mistake or
Could it be that I've harbored an underpants taker?