Best Knickers Poems

Some people wind up with twisted knickers
When they get insulted by nitpickers
Words are sticks and stones
Causing moans and groans
When they hear heckling whispers and snickers

Women used to call knickers 'underpants'
They'd get them twisted with tauntings and rants
Causing quite a rage
No matter their age
As if their...

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Here’s a bold tale it will have you in titters
It’s about poor Sheila who lost her knickers
She went for a cruise upon the great ocean
Fell in the water with the boats sudden motion.

She swallowed some water and began to cough
A big wave engulfed her and...

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(aka "Trump's Bottom Line")

Cartel Jesus launched an old crone
High over Trump's Wall on a drone
Our Border Patrol
Went out of control
Snapping photos with their iPhone!...

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Poor Pauline was caught unawares when she was in a rush
She ripped the seam of her jeans exposing her enormous tush

People started smiling when she had passed their way
For her tiny G-string panties were clearly on display! 

She could feel a cooling breeze around her...

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The clothing she wears is obscene,
And knackered her washing machine,
She washes by hand,
But please understand,
Her knickers are never too clean...

for Jan's Limerick contest...

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Twenty detectives all hand picked
Trying to find the knickers that have just been nicked
They have searched all day but nothing has clicked
I'm sure this case has got them licked . 

They asked me for my pass
As I entered my class
They even had the cheek to...

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Houdini was a master of illusion it's said
Escaping from handcuffs while chained to a bed
Like the sex games we play
When our partner must obey
Wearing a mask with her knickers on our heads


© Jack Ellison 2015...

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Last night our kitchen light stopped working
It was intermittent all flashing and jerking
A replacement one was quickly needed
There was one on the shelves – our prayers were heeded

We were both up the ladder – we were drilling and screwing
Oh I am thankful my hubby knows...

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My underwear brand is called INDIAN
The reason for the name is simple, so listen
They tend to CREEP UP
In the crack of your butt
The commercial shows this guy a-pickin'


© Jack Ellison 2015...

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God knows what you need
Before you need it
So why bend your knees
To chant or plead it?

Remember when you
Would make such a fuss
Each time your mum asked,
"Clean knickers for the bus?"...

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Been married three times, - on the lookout for number four
If your hubby meets 'Miss Yo-Yo knickers' it may be outright war

She’s always up for some bedroom action
Like a bee finds a flower its a fatal attraction

Her leather jeans cover her pure white thighs
What lies...

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Somebody’s stolen her knickers
They were left out to dry in the sun
Why were they so cruel and heartless
Was it done out of spite or for fun
Pink panties, purloined by a weirdo
Did they do it for some sort of dare
Surely they knew, like most of us...

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'Twas an unpleasant night for Santa Claus
When discovered he had pooped his drawers
From a rooftop he fell
Spread around was the smell
When he frightfully landed on all fours

Poor Santa was in such a lot of pain
For his knees had opened a sewer drain
He was cleaned with...

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The old lady made a brew
She called it magic, a potion stew
It made men wise, and made them kind
This little witch wasn’t the evil kind

She lured the wary, into her lair
She cooked up compassion with a flair
For every wrinkle, she had a smile
Her ginger house,...

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I knew a gal when once a lad,
she took me to her bedroom,
glad,

and when our love, its breathless 
sigh was spent, over to her draw 
she went, 

and in the beech wood, soft square
cave, her dancing pants, the wood 
did pave,

with pants a plenty, ...

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