Best Fred Poems
I walked by a snowman named Fred
Who stood on his twigs and his head
He hid both his stalks
With poorly-matched socks
And showed off his snowballs instead.
~ 1st Place ~ in the "Christmas Limericks (New Or Old)" Poetry Contest, Carolyn Devonshire, Judge & Sponsor.
~ 6th Place ~ in the "Your Best Single Limerick Five Lines Only" Poetry Contest, Robert Haigh, Sponsor.
~ 1st Place ~ in the "Upside-Down World - Limerick" Poetry Contest, Eve Roper, Sponsor.
I went to visit Farmer Fred
Found him out in his wood shed
He was splitting up some oak
As I approached, he paused and spoke
“When I was young, I served my country and was willing to give my life for what I believed this country stood for.”
“Today I’d give my life to protect my family from what this country has become.”
I looked at Fred a bit askance
And he could see at a glance
That he should explain his new stance
‘We will bury you’ is coming to fruition.”
“Our country is becoming the very thing I fought against.”
“Pravda had nothing on the propagandist news in our nation.”
“Give it any name or label you will, government control over people has failed “the people” throughout human history.”
“I do not hold that government is evil, rather power which is corrupting and evil.”
“It has always been about power over others.”
“Kings, Emperors, Chancellors, Prime Ministers, and Presidents all abuse it.”
“Using government power to control others by controlling their means of earning and amassing wealth.”
“Feudalism, Socialism, Communism, Fascism, all place government at the top and make all people beholden to government.”
“Free market capitalism was the only exception.”
“Some played it better than others and acquired more wealth and wealth is power.”
“Thus, the role of government should be to check that power by ensuring the playing field and rules were applied equally.”
“All men are created equal, not all outcomes should be equal.”
I hold my hand up
Fred paused quite abrupt
With a pained look like please don’t interrupt
“I will simply say, we are no longer ‘The land of the free and home of the brave’ rather the land of the aggrieved and home of the knave.”
This was all he had to say
Fred dropped his ax and walked away
Fred The Hawk and his wife were most frightening to behold.
No one got away from them; they were in a class so very bold.
They had Fred Junior, most frightening, first time he was around.
But he was something quite unique, it was soon abruptly found.
With one hundred fifty birds to choose, he couldn’t snag even one.
The Ballad of Fred Junior, was soon sung by each and everyone.
His Mom and Dad worked daily to bring him up to his best speed.
But even they had to eventually, concede to their ultimate defeat.
Junior wasn’t like his Papa, and not like his Mama, regretfully, too.
So they eventually left him at our bird feeder, and waved a fond adieu.
Sink or swim little fellow, would become his motto, in the terrible end.
For after missing everything, he saw a nasty squirrel, chattering at him.
By now he was getting very hungry, and a tasty birdie would be nice.
But he set sail, and grabbed that squirrel, and man was there was a fight.
Unfortunately, Fred Junior was finally both: out manned, and out clawed.
Later he was found, soaking his bum, in the birdbath, feeling flawed.
True, he was not like his mama or his papa too, in what he could do.
But he was someone very special, I will say, most assuredly, as I tell you!
For there in my wood pile, he spied a little mouse, and with one pounce…
He had his dinner at last! He became a great mouser… imagine that…
The moral to my story is: We can’t always be…what we want to be…
And you may not find it, on the very first try. But YOU each must…
Find the special someone that… only YOU can be.
Welcome to our barnyard, you can call me Fred.
My job is to get everyone out of bed.
Cheerful by nature, I’m proud to “cock-a-doodle-do.”
A beautiful crow to hear - they act like I shout, “Boo!”
A morning person would think this is the best job ever.
At dawn, I’m sad to say, few appreciate me being clever.
Yes, I know the names they call me... I try to shrug it off.
Cock-of-the-walk really gripes me, who are they to scoff?
Some are jealous of my red cone, it is so beautiful.
Lifting my neck to properly crow is being dutiful.
Believe me, I’ve tried and tried not to strut my stuff.
To be a rooster and not be cocky is really quite tough.
Throughout the day I continue to “cock-a-doodle-do.”
Yes, it does sound like revenge, but wouldn’t you?
Of course if danger arises everyone needs to hear me.
I like them calling me brave and crowding to be near me.
Without me this barnyard would never be on time.
Deep down they all know it, I just wish they would be kind.
Written 2-19-2016
Form: Rhyme Personification
In this vault are a few crumbs of crusty old Fred
He got stuck in an oven and got baked with the bread
A very popular man, his friends didn't think twice
When offered a keepsake, their very own slice.
Written 14 April 2019.
Not for contest.
I can do it Fred always said
he couldn’t and now he’s dead
penned 13/09/2018
It could happen to you its not funny
At the diner Fred had an upset tummy
Headed for his car
He didn't get far
Felt it run down his leg warm and runny...
A group of friends they were passing nearby
They didn't know whether to laugh or cry
One said" Fred you smell"
Fred said "go to hell"
Poor Fred just wanted to curl up and die...
He got in his car and drove down the street
And hoped no one else he knew he would meet
But then things got worse
Fred started to curse
Tried to get out but was stuck to his seat...
There's a moral to this limerick I'll tell
You don't want people to say that you smell
So unlike poor Fred
Please stay in your bed
Don't venture out if you're not feeling well..
Written 4th February 2020.
Dangling on a string in his underwear
Looking ridiculous and without flair
Tempting fate on a simple silly dare
Without a hint of worry or a care
Blissfully too ignorant to beware
Lest he falls flat on his fat derriere
Can he be so dumb blindly unaware
So quickly thrills can mutate to a scare
Giggles quick to vanish into thin air
An evening of fun can turn to nightmare
I swear he hasn't got in hell a prayer
Someday somehow somewhere I do declare
I’ll throw up my arms in total despair
He's a lost cause of blatant laissez-faire
Can you believe our friend's a millionaire
Don't you agree that life is so unfair
AP: Honorable Mention 2021
Posted on January 10, 2019
I'll tell you 'bout my Uncle.
His name was, Uncle Fred.
When he spoke, I always listened,
to every word he said!
He was my father's brother.
They were very close, I'm told.
My Dad was killed in action,
when I was five years old!
He became my, father-figure,
when Daddy passed away.
He could not have done a better job,
I feel, obliged to say!
He shared his skills and know-how,
the most important things he knew.
He inspired me by saying,
this is what "I expect of you."
"Strive for honesty and truth, my boy,
take your time and have some fun,
savor every passing day,
make sure you walk, don't run!"
"Carefully, control your aspirations,
you'll know when things are right.
Have no regrets and don't look back,
but, keep your goals in sight!"
"It's important, that you know yourself,
your feelings and your views,
your beliefs and your convictions,
are the things that make you, you!"
"Value all your treasures,
your family, friends, and such!
If you don't, then mark my words, son,
your life, will not, amount to much!"
I have eternal gratitude,
to my Idol, Uncle Fred!
I've been able to succeed in life,
by heeding, what he said!
Uncle Fred is gone now!
He went to be with Dad.
But, he's in my heart forever,
the Best Friend, I ever had!
A man with impeccable charm, sophistication and grace,
Fred Astaire was at once both marvelous and enchanting
As the twentieth century’s greatest dancer and master artist.
He made his sublime dancing (“hoofing”) seem effortless.
Capturing the American spirit with both panache and verve
Fred Astaire glided across some quite wonderful movie sets:
Top Hat (1935), Swing Time (1936), Shall We Dance (1937)
Done magnificently—all harken back to a different America.
This America tho’ more old fashioned was one of “can-do”
And boasted a gutsy bravado even in times great hardship.
Fred Astaire with others was a sturdy star symbol of the then
Greatest Generation that helped bring peace to a war torn world.
Fred Astaire was part of this Greatest Generation entertaining
Packed audiences and dazzling them with steps of joy and perfection.
Tho’ now gone Astaire’s past accomplishments serve as a prologue
For new generations to come and to seize opportunities for greatness.
Where are you Fred Astaire?
Gary Bateman, Copyright © All Rights Reserved, Schoeningen, Germany
(September 2, 2014)
A pervert hung silk stockings by the tree
With a note saying put a girl in for me
He rushed down Christmas morn
After watching some p.o.r.n.
And found both the silk stockings were empty.
He was cursing and so went back to bed
Spied a note from Santa Claus and it said
For the good girls and boys
I bring lots of nice toys
But nowt for you cos you're sick in the head.
He was angry and unable to sleep
Went out looking for gaps in drapes to peep
But as he got bolder
A cop grabbed his shoulder
And said "you're under arrest you sick creep"
The next day he went up before Judge Seers
As all the charges were read there were jeers
Told the pervert to his face
You're an absolute disgrace
So I'm sending you to jail for ten years.
Written 15th December 2021.
Fred Seegmiller
1871 - 1907
You never met a man who loved my town.
As I much as I did.
Coming here in ’90 by the train.
It nearly killed me, but I stayed on my knees.
I prayed and prayed I would not go mad.
For 15 years I played the organ.
In the magnificent church on Bailey Street.
I played the passions of Bach and the soothings of Handal.
And I served refreshments in the churchyard.
One night in Mid March
After services had concluded,
Rebecca walked into my life.
She coyly received my flirtatious wink
And a family of five was the magical result.
For twelve years I moved lumber by horse and reigns,
And drove the wagonload to the flowering homesteads.
I worked hard, prayed to God
And never forgot to kiss my wife goodbye.
I lived on the end of Olive Street.
Hidden by tall Elms,
Inside my house with the white shutters,
I brought two of my brood into this world
And I watched one leave it in the winter of ’99.
It was in that same room,
The one in the back by the myrtle tree,
That I too tasted death.
I had the cancer
And it was eating me like a cannibal unconverted.
And now I am dead and buried in Clark Cemetery.
And my living soul longs to spend just one more minute.
Just one more minute
As a dying man.
My soul is not dead.
My soul is not sad.
Let me sleep now.
Little Davy wanted a puppy for Christmas
His parents, though, were totally against it
Davy whimpered and whined til he was breathless
“Please,” he wrote to Santa, “bring a puppy, Mr. Clause”
The big day drew closer and Davy said a prayer,
“Please, dear Lord, let my puppy be there”
He went to bed on the night before Christmas
With hope in his heart and a tender kiss from Mom
Bright and early the next morning, Davy arose and running,
Went downstairs to the Christmas tree to see what was coming.
The first thing he noticed was that the puppy was not there.
He felt a tear sting his eyes but promised not to care.
All the presents were unwrapped and all that seemed to be left…
Was carrying out the wrapping paper to go into the trash bin.
Davy knew it was his job to do this simple task and wasn’t asked
When he began to carry the leftover wrappings to the kitchen.
It was then, in the kitchen, that he noticed a familiar sound
The sound of whimpering and digging beneath a cabinet there in the corner.
Davy rushed over to the cabinet and began to pull at its doors.
Out came a big black lab with one ear flopped over against its head.
“Mom, Dad,” Davy screamed with excitement, “Santa left a puppy…
He just left it in the kitchen cupboard, but it is there and it loves me!”
Davy was grinning his biggest grin as Mom and Dad came in…
“Well,” they began, “It looks like you have your wish.” Then they began
To tell him all he had to do to care for this new member of the family.
“You’ll have to feed him and walk him and take care that he stays warm”
“You’ll have to care for him with all your heart and make sure you love him”
“You’ll have to see that he has all his shots just like you had to have.”
Davy laughed with surprise at the ease of all they said and smiled with such pride…
That his puppy would be called Fred!!!
Children's Christmas or Holiday Tale - Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Carol Eastman
Uncle Fred always hated his weight,
So, he resolved to put less on his plate.
It was hard for him to see,
Looking down to go pee,
And he almost crushed a hot date.
For the limerick in my pocket new years resolution limerick contest.
Bald Fred
Dr. James E. Martin
©March, 2014
They simply called him Fred.
He had not a hair on his head.
He was bald as a ball
From the bowling mall
But not quite as round it was said.