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Fred the Perv

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A pervert hung silk stockings by the tree With a note saying put a girl in for me He rushed down Christmas morn After watching some p.o.r.n. And found both the silk stockings were empty. He was cursing and so went back to bed Spied a note from Santa Claus and it said For the good girls and boys I bring lots of nice toys But nowt for you cos you're sick in the head. He was angry and unable to sleep Went out looking for gaps in drapes to peep But as he got bolder A cop grabbed his shoulder And said "you're under arrest you sick creep" The next day he went up before Judge Seers As all the charges were read there were jeers Told the pervert to his face You're an absolute disgrace So I'm sending you to jail for ten years. Written 15th December 2021.

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I Am Anaya

Date: 3/14/2022 6:30:00 PM

Benny Hill was just as raunchy! Best known for being chased around. I remember as a kid, too funny but he was never arrested, a good guy! Long live Benny!

Tom Cunningham
Date: 3/15/2022 11:22:00 AM

Thank you very much Anaya, he was a real funny man, bawdy but never crossed the line. Tom

Caren Krutsinger

Date: 12/31/2021 5:29:00 AM

I wish it was sending him to jail for life, Tom.

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/31/2021 9:31:00 AM

I agree Caren, they should throw away the key.. Tom

Lindsay Laurie

Date: 12/21/2021 4:24:00 PM

Hello Tom ... considering for manslaughter these days you'll be out in about three years, this bloke has chosen the wrong profession - thanks Tom - Lindsay

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/22/2021 2:42:00 AM

Thank you Lindsay, as often been said the laws an ass, how true that is. Tom

Connie Marcum Wong

Date: 12/21/2021 10:22:00 AM

I liked the just ending Tom. A very creative limerick. Blessings xxoo

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/21/2021 10:23:00 AM

Thank you very much Connie, I'm pleased that you enjoyed the humour. Tom

Sara Kendrick

Date: 12/21/2021 4:19:00 AM

I think the person who has this illness is seeking help just like a person who is depressed. I would not want to be out and be flashed, nor would most men want to be flashed by a woman in a coat. Good picture to go along with the series of Limericks. You are good with this form. Thanks for your visit. Sara

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/21/2021 4:38:00 AM

Thanks Sara, on a serious note it is an illness and sufferers can be helped if they seek help. Tom

Eve Roper

Date: 12/20/2021 6:53:00 PM

Your poem to cute, that picture is just perfect. Happy Holidays my friend from deep down in the Big State of Texas

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/21/2021 4:36:00 AM

Thank you very much Eve, glad you enjoyed the humour. Wishing you the same Eve and a happy and healthy New year. Tom

Paula Goldsmith

Date: 12/19/2021 2:20:00 PM

Tooooooo Cute. Our stockings are filled with laughs from your cute/fun writes. Have a Blessed Christmas and 2022.......................

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/19/2021 2:38:00 PM

Thank you very much Paula, I'm happy you enjoyed it. I hope you too have a lovely Christmas and good health in 2022. Tom

Sotto Poet

Date: 12/19/2021 12:41:00 PM

Wow, Tom, what a vibrant demonstration of imagination you displayed with this one-of-a-kind limerick. You have an incredible skill to write limericks, as usual. Fred was finally given the retribution he deserved.

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/19/2021 1:41:00 PM

Thank you very much Lasaad, not sure where that came from, my imagination moves in mysterious ways lol. Tom

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 12/19/2021 9:49:00 AM

what an imagination you showed with this creative limerick set, Tom. Awesome.

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/19/2021 10:43:00 AM

Thank you very much Andrea, I can assure you it wasn't based on personal experience lol. Tom

Alexis Y.

Date: 12/19/2021 6:18:00 AM

Lol! Tom, Your string of limericks was hilarious. In the end, Fred got what he deserved. God job. Have a great day:-) Alexis

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/19/2021 9:38:00 AM

Thank you very much Alexis, im happy you enjoyed them. Hope you too are enjoying the weekend. Tom

Jennifer Proxenos

Date: 12/19/2021 12:35:00 AM

Well he asked for it silly man, and he was definitely 'a sick creep'. Ho Ho Ho! HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO EVERYONE GOOD CHEER, WONDER WHAT COVID WILL HAVE IN STORE FOR US IN THE NEW YEAR. Blessings,3xr Jennifer.

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/19/2021 1:08:00 AM

Thank you very much Jennifer, those creeps are a menace to society. They should have it chopped off lol. Tom

Kim Rodrigues

Date: 12/18/2021 8:36:00 AM

This is so funny! He literally got what he asked for! LOL

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/18/2021 8:50:00 AM

Thank you very much Kim, im glad you enjoyed the humour. Enjoy your weekend. Tom

Mike Gentile

Date: 12/18/2021 5:19:00 AM

Well, there's a twist on holiday gift giving Tom!! Quite a humorous imagination! Well done, Happy Saturday !!!

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/18/2021 5:21:00 AM

Thank you very much Mike, glad you enjoyed it. And hope you too enjoy your weekend. Tom

Valsa George

Date: 12/18/2021 3:53:00 AM

Ha.... ha ! This old man is a limit ! He is rightly meted out Justice.... ! Let him be there for ten years and by the time he comes out he will be too old for any such mischief ..... Chuckles....:) :)

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/18/2021 5:18:00 AM

Thank you very much Valsa, hopefully after ten years it will have dropped off and he's no longer a danger lol. Tom

Demetrios Trifiatis

Date: 12/18/2021 3:37:00 AM

Amusing, my friend, Tom. Here justice prevails. Santa has treated the creep accordingly! Much enjoyed! Merry Christmas!

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/18/2021 3:39:00 AM

Thank you very much Demetrios, he certainly got his reward. Hope you too have a wonderful Christmas with your family. Tom

Terry Flood

Date: 12/17/2021 12:04:00 PM

Ha ha, Tom. You wouldn’t find me looking for a girl in silk stockings… I can’t get them past my knees. Terry

Terry Flood
Date: 12/19/2021 4:37:00 AM

Nah, just knobbly knees!

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/17/2021 1:54:00 PM

Lol Terry, you must be quite tall then. Tom

Janice Canerdy

Date: 12/17/2021 12:01:00 PM

He'll probably spend his ten years in the slammer writing dirty letters. Funny, Tom. Janice

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/17/2021 1:52:00 PM

Thank you very much Janice. Tom

Rico Leffanta

Date: 12/17/2021 10:28:00 AM

Ah, another college prof with tenure!

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/17/2021 1:52:00 PM

Lol Rico. Tom

Joanna Daniel

Date: 12/17/2021 6:30:00 AM

Served him right, Tom, great limerick story yet again:)

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/17/2021 7:15:00 AM

Thank you very much Jo, glad you enjoyed it. Hope you're well. Tom

Delice Arleen Skelly

Date: 12/17/2021 2:33:00 AM

I think Judge Seers was lenient. A fun limerick...Delice

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/17/2021 3:54:00 AM

Thank you very much Delice, im sure the other prisoners will administer their own brand of rough justice. Tom

Victor Buhagiar

Date: 12/17/2021 1:07:00 AM

And well he deserved them. Excellent poem.

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/17/2021 3:53:00 AM

Thank you very much Victor, if you commit crime expect to do time. Tom

Jan Allison

Date: 12/16/2021 4:50:00 PM

excellent ink Tom I love the limerick form giving poets the ability to write both on a witty or a serious subject:-) hugs Jan xx

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/16/2021 11:48:00 PM

Thank you very much Jan, Im happy that you enjoyed them, and I have you to thank for the inspiration. Tom

Lin Lane

Date: 12/16/2021 3:23:00 PM

Too bad perverts like that are called Peeping Toms. Lol. Love your ability to create limericks !

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/16/2021 11:43:00 PM

Thank you very much Lin, im trying to sway people to change the name lol. Tom

Deb M

Date: 12/16/2021 2:45:00 PM

You are a wee bit cheeky Mr Cunningham! !! A very naughty funny light hearted poem….really enjoyed Tom! Debx

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/16/2021 2:47:00 PM

Lol, thanks Deb I'm glad that you enjoyed it Tom

Vijay Pandit

Date: 12/16/2021 2:11:00 PM

You sure know how to write Limericks, Tom. Fun read. Fred got what he deserved.

Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/16/2021 2:46:00 PM

Thank you very much Vijay, im happy you enjoyed the humour. Hope you're keeping well. Tom