Best Calvin Klein Poems
He pulled up to the Triple "T" Ranch in a shiny Cadillac.
In his trailer was an Arabian steed with the finest tack.
He wore Tony Lama alligator boots and Calvin Klein jeans,
And a stylish Stetson hat - he looked like a man of means!
He strode to the corral where grizzled cowpokes lazed.
They chortled at the greenhorn, each of them amazed!
"Where's the boss?" he asked, "I'm seeking a position!"
"Over yonder" said they. (The boss eyed him with great suspicion!)
The boss sauntered over to see what the hullabaloo was all about.
"I'll handle this! You fellers git back to work!" he said with a shout!
He sized up the lad saying, "Son, I ain't impressed with them fancy labels!
But you're hired! Here's a shovel! Ya kin start by muckin' out them stables!"
Entry for Carolyn Devonshire's "Green Humor Rhymes" Contest
They planted Hank 'neath a lonesome pine when he came to the end of the trail.
Angels ushered him to the Great Beyond and through that Mysterious Veil.
Saint Peter greeted him, sayin', "I've been a-hankerin' to meet ya, mate!"
Hank noted a sign readin' 'COWBOY SPOKEN HERE' atop the pearly gate!
"I want ya to meet a posse of pards that've been awaitin' yer arrival Hank;
There's Zeke and Tex, Fred and Jack, Moe and Slade and Jed and Frank."
"Ain't no bacon er beans here" said they, "On the choicest grub we dine!
If'n ya hanker to wet yer gullet, there's a Feller who'll turn water into wine!
And then appeared his faithful hoss Old Dan a-sportin' golden shoes!
Old Dan neighed as Hank caressed his pal and they had a genial schmooze!
On Old Dan's back embellished with silver and gold was a western saddle.
Right then and there Hank mounted Old Dan and off they did skedaddle!
As the Lord promised in the Good Book, a bunkhouse was part of the deal.
He dwelt in a room fit for a King with TV and DVD, seeming so surreal!
Hank wore a cowboy suit adorned with diamonds, rubies and jade,
Plus pointy-toed Calvin Klein cowboy boots and a vest of finest suede!
Lastly, Saint Peter placed upon his brow a bejeweled ten-gallon crown,
Sayin', "Welcome to the ranch, pard! Ye've rode the range with great renown!"
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
The cows is lowin' in the old corral and all the evenin' chores is done.
Hank scraped the manure off'n his boots 'cause he's a fastidious son-of-a-gun.
He drew his pay, jumped in his pickup and headed fer Clyde's Saloon,
To quaff some brew, grab a gal er two and dance to the fiddler's tune!
There was a hoedown at Clyde's where cowpokes met ever' Saturday night.
There they danced, boozed and let off steam that usually ended in a fight!
There was a band with drums, banjo, fiddle, bass and a steel git-tar,
And the pianer player Mike McGurk (when they could pry him from the bar!)
A gal named Mousy Bush sang with a voice that quivered like Robin Hood's bow.
That's where Hank hung out Saturday nights to blow his hard-earned dough!
Hank was dancin' the Texas Two Step and havin' the time of his life,
When an incident occurred that occasioned another night of strife.
Some dude splattered a Coors on Hank's new Calvin Klein shirt and jeans.
Now, stuff happens and normally this wouldn't amount to a hill of beans,
But this got Hank's dander up and since he never held his hootch all that well,
He punched the guy, bloodied his schnoz and began a-raisin' hell.
A grand brawl ensued with ever'one tossin' punches, chairs and tables.
There was a heap of cussin' with patrons lablin' others with tawdry lables!
Hank arose Sunday mornin' with a poundin' headache and two black eyes,
But he'll be back at Clyde's Saturday next to enjoy a hoedown with the guys!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) 2014 All Rights Reserved
(Not for the contest)
I stumbled drunkenly through Stroud
Passed the kebab van on the hill,
When all at once I saw a crowd
Of ladettes – taunting the old bill;
Just for a lark, just for a wheeze,
Flirting and dancing, dressed to tease.
Bedecked with bling, drinking cheap wine,
A clowder of cats out to play,
Perfume and bags by Calvin Klein
All you can eat slapper buffet.
Looking for violence not romance,
Tossing the V’s in fighting stance.
The plods approached askance, as they
Ignored them and crouched down to pee;
The deluge nearly washed away,
The council’s prized floral display!
I gazed – amazed - at just how short;
Their skirts were and indeed how taut.
Often now – I sit down and cry
(Sometimes it puts me off my food)
When I recall what I did spy
The female form so crass and rude;
Those harpies in search of cheap thrills,
Stooped - pissing on the daffodils.
(apologies to Mr Wordsworth)
Danny was a smart fellow,
he always seemed mellow...
some thought he was gay
and became an easy prey.
Danny spoke with an accent
very distinctive to an extent;
even the wealthy derided him,
and one of them was Mr. Skim.
" Bastards!" He yelled with much rage,
" Hard times destroyed my elite image
and they insult me by tossing dimes...
while they munch on Chicken Fries! "
" Even in brutal weather, I holds sign
that reads," I wear no Calvin Klein'
jeans and sneakers, no Gucci' jewelry;
I have lost my job...have a little mercy! "
A good-hearted man approaches his sill
and kindly offers him a hundred dollar bill,
" Buy yourself a warm blanket and food,
some Coors to blast away your sad mood! "
Written on 10/24/2018
What's all this fuss about
Haven't I furnished all your dreams
Wildest and the untouched ones
You Cantankerous bullheaded moron .
Your beastly charm woos me so much
So that I completely asphyxiate myself
Bent on obeying all errands .
You cry rupturing my passion loaded heart
Guess what ?I buy that ****
Turn myself into an ATM machine .
Touring every sale at Macy's
Stock some more of your wardrobe
Abercrombie, Guess ,Calvin Klein,Chanel it is .
Next day frenzy switches off to other things
Now we want new apartment ,new vicinity
Then follows my makeover , hair and teeth
Transforming myself to suit your beliefs
I Plump your spirit soaring high in the sky
I realised I have become a slave you reign on .
Hell I am erasing all blues and grays
At last giving way to the gyre of dilemma
That so long had tossed my thoughts into fray
Now no more ,let me start up my liberation
Shackled by menaces of turmoil and dejection
I wonder ,after a decade or so when your head greys
Someday you may trail backwards to my dynamism
Swearing for sure to yourself, if not alone
Flinching a bit,forcing a smile as the wind blows by the
Ocean side , where we used to lie for hours
And a Teardrop would come out of your eye .
He drove up to the Triple "T" Ranch in his brand new Cadillac!
In his air-conditioned trailer wuz his Arabian steed an' the finest tack!
He'd dreamed uv bein' a real workin' cowboy since he wuz a tad,
So he fitted hisself out with the latest fashions there wuz to be had!
On his Tony Lama alligator boots he wore a pair uv silver-plated spurs.
Over his Calvin Klein jeans he wore deerskin chaps to stave off the burrs.
He wore a hundred dollar Stetson hat an' fancy vest uv top-grade suede,
An' slung low on his hip wuz a 44 in a leather holster uv the finest grade!
His git-tar wuz slung on his back - across his shoulder wuz a coiled rope.
The grizzled cowpokes chawin' their terbaccy saw in this feller little hope!
They wuz loungin' 'round the corral railin' not believin' whut they saw!
He strolled their way remindin' them uv rhinestone cowboys on Hee-Haw!
First thing he said wuz, "When do we dine and I prefer silk sheets on my bed!"
An ol' cowpoke in scruffy boots an' jeans asked, "Whut wuz 'at you said?"
(The thoughts crossin' them cowpuncher's minds had best be left unsaid!)
"Son, you'll sleep in the top bunk tonight an' beans an' bacon you'll be fed!"
The ranch foreman trotted over to see whut the hullabaloo wuz all about.
"You fellers let me handle this! Ya'all git back to work!" he said with a shout!
He sized the lad up sayin', "Son, I ain't impressed with all them fancy lables!
Begin yer career with this here manure fork!" an' he sent him to the stables!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
You never wear cologne to work
But there you go
Out the door
In your tie
Smelling like Calvin Klein
I want to ask, "For whom?"
But I just wave good-bye
My heart is racing
I'm afraid of
The Why
I watch you pull away
Looking for clues
A sign
I take a deep breath
Smells like Calvin Klein
(This poem is my favorite because I feel like it really captures the fear. the instant panic, the denial, and ultimately back to the fear he's cheating. )
Received 2nd place in "Your (OWN) favorite poem" contest
Received honorable mention in "Your Favourite Form" contest
Designer underpants are the rage
With Hanes and Joe Boxer too
Fruit of the Loom and Calvin Klein
I can name more than just a few
How about Banana Republic
Also Navy and Tommy John
They're the same but different
Try some Katz or Aussiebum on
Call them knickers, shorts, or underwear
But don't be fooled by the song and dance
What they are for, is always the same
To keep the poop off of your pants!
Concrete bedroom w/ lights & sound.
People gather across wet streets --
The click of a women’s heel --
Many clicks like horses trotting.
Herds of clunking mares fighting
for the prize.
Recognition in being the first horse
across the finish line
The first blue suit from Calvin Klein.
Our country is at war.
Kids are dying!
I know those things but do you know
when the Rolex store closes?
That dormant feeling of insecurity arose,
when travel journal got thrust adjacent
to my tattered (holey tattooed) clothes
while I knew with crossed eyes
aroused anger from peaceful doze
my younger sister felt about her
globe trotting exploits, an over expose
jour ever since voyaging out on her own
after graduating top of her class
where mine hatred glows
indirectly snidely sneering
at ma dough less brother hoboes
(a 1979 Methacton High School alumni),
unanimously chosen valedictorian
dressed in Calvin Klein
Harris tweed, couture
and silk panty hose
like me prolonging, promoting
on par with quasi staff sergeant, who knows
artful disciplinarian gingerly launching rules,
asper formerly commanding G.I. Joes
and pronouncing, predilection
exhaling natural highs no lows
traveling solo, with surviving Wilburys,
or just mows
zing nonchalantly
(though a foreigner) with swarthy skin color
easily camouflaging as civilian
all points on the compass,
where minute needle doth nose
upon returning home (being honorably feted
at once glorious estate of Glen Elm,
where she did propose
to the Lord Taylor (swiftly), which location
situated at 324 Level Road, Collegeville,
Pennsylvania 19426),
thence a great huzzah a rose
an immediate nauseousness welled
within from me head tummy smelly toes
I did not want to here, or see any details,
which would accentuate personal woes
popping, snapping, and smarting,
and slapping skin raw tib bits,
ache'n to yanked strings
of mama's heirloom yo-yos!
Poet Script:
trials and tribulations,
visited upon head of young
concocted ("FAKE") gusty and gutsy
kid sister enterprising ingenue,
christened easy on the tongue
Sharodd (not her real name),
to top off talents sung
like a professional opera singer, which rung
a shiver along small hairs of spine did tingle
heard all the way to Lake Woebegone
where bachelor farmers did mingle
every Christmas, a decreasing
number donned Kris Kringle
hit with blitzkrieg of yawping brats
hoof pranced to bell weather jingle!
Above the clouds and disappearing skyline
I was jetsetting on an international airline
That’s when I met a handsome Mr. Einstein
No kin to Albert, nose most perfectly aquiline
Said he was looking for a concubine
The whole thing to be utmost clandestine
I accused him of bringing onboard some moonshine
Then he just whined and became somewhat of a swine
So I moved and sat next to charming Clementine
Offered me truffle chocolate I did decline
She then casually asked me to invest in her gold mine
Slipped me a form I refused to countersign
‘Twas awkward but the damage had been benign
I discreetly moved on to an empty seat just fine
Where I was greeted by glamorous Calvin Klein
Pointed to his window at a view sublimely alpine
Not another word was spoken, ‘twas utterly divine
I almost commented on the beauty of his ring so opaline
But opted to avoid a dialogue with risk to end up asinine
The silence was as grand and majestic as any shrine
I slept and rested with the help of a bit of wine
Got home in time to greet my favourite canine
And join in to sing Auld Lang Syne
Home Sweet Home, starshine of my lifeline
AP: 1st place 2020
Posted on February 18, 2018
All people see is what they put in their minds
And what they put on their heads is being controlled
But who cares? We are living in an imaginary world
An imaginary world that is totally created by others behind
You don’t wear pants, you wear a Colcci
You don’t drink because you’re thirsty
You drink because the best always drinks Sprite
You don’t wear shoes, you wear a Nike
Why? Because you are the best
They say you are the best
So buy, buy and buy
Fill out your emptiness inside
Read their magazines,
And see what beauty is
Lip-gloss and lipstick
Pink, such fashion color, isn’t it?
You don’t need a bag, you need a Prada
A jewel is not beautiful if it’s not from Agatha
A perfume is only good when it’s Dolce & Gabbana
Real art is propaganda
Buy also Veroslim,
And be forever thin
Feel the glamour and fashion reading Discovery Girls
See on their neck the American Pearls
Do you think those girls have looked at the mirror once?
I tell you yes, and they still think they are fat
They also feel inside the absence
The same they make everyone have
It doesn’t matter if you are on the standard or not
If you agree with them, you are still one more idiot
With fashion, they just want you to feel worst
Because a Calvin Klein is expensive and the money to buy it you have not
Maybe then you look at the sky
And see the so much beautiful that’s behind
Maybe you notice the sunshine
And start seeing the world with other eyes
Then you might see how beautiful is the sunset and sunrise
See the clouds which are above
Or the stars in a limpid sky at night
It seems like they’re smiling to us
I want to show you the nature
Not as they present it, that you must save it buying things
But these things come also from industries
If the industries pollute it, then how can you save it?
I want to show you the eagle flying above the mountain
I want to show you the ants doing they work
I want to show you the trees, not as paper raw material
But as home of many mushrooms, insects and various animals
There is so much beauty beyond what they show
It’s like opening the window
After a terrible nightmare during the whole night
And seeing the clarity outside
Maybe one day you’ll think about what I write
And open your eyes
To an amazing world that’s being left behind.
A chronological anthology
Of legends, folk lore and mythology
There’s no one called Eric
Or Ethel or Derek
For which I shall make no apology
Samson just got himself sheared
Delilah had cut off his beard
She cut off his hair
Then headed ‘down there’
And cut off far more than he’d feared
The Romans detested Boudicca
She never would be a boot licker
That feared Celtic lass
Stuck a spear up their a.s.s
And that made them march a bit quicker
According to legend and fable
Merlin was slightly unstable
His spell came apart
So ‘a wheel for a cart’
Turned into a bloody great table
In years gone by Lady Godiva
Had no car... she wasn't a driver
No licence of course
But show her a horse
She'd whip off her kit for a fiver
Robin Hood’s men were all merry
They'd guzzled a flagon of Sherry
With Marion pissed
Young Robin got kissed
And then they got all missionary
A fella who’s called Calvin Klein
Is a legend in his own time
Those rich city slickers
Wear Calvin Klein knickers
But wouldn't be seen dead in mine
But stand aside Canute and Midas
For legends still amble beside us
Not witch nor soothsayer
Nor some Dragon slayer
But mortals who get rid of Spiders
Perchance it’s your husband or wife
Who acts without sabre or knife
They might be an Eric
Or Ethel or Derek...
(And might be in fear of their life).
Contest: Your favourite legend
Sponsor: Chantelle Anne Cooke
27 February 2020
Crystal Noir by Versace
Truth by Calvin Klein
Eau de Cartier
Armanis Life
Oscar de la Renta Oriental Lace
Chanel Coco Mademoiselle
Nina Ricci Belle de Minuit
Vera Wang Princess
Dolce & Gabbana The One
Lancôme Hypnôse
Guerlain Insolence
Dior Midnight Poison
Calvin Klein Euphoria
Estée Lauder Beyond Paradise
Cacharel Amor Amor
Anna Sui Romantica Exotica
AP: Honorable Mention 2020
Posted on February 21, 2019