Best Cake Poems
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A L
N I
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YIIIPPPEEEEEE!!!
JULY23232323
July 24,2014 10.30pm
Note: This is re-posting my simple gift to our very dear Anne Lise on her
birthday last Month. I hope you will enjoy.
take a frosted walk
clad tip to heel in baked pumps
cupcakes for your feet
My baker’s commissioned to bake
A huge cow shaped iced wedding cake
The groom is a farmer
He sure is a charmer
Its design could lead to heartbreak
When the bride saw the cake how she cried
Her traditional cake was denied
She screamed at the groom
Get out of this room
Then she plunged the knife in the cow’s side
Inspired by but not for contest
02~09~17
You sell yourself for money
Hour lunch two coffee breaks
To punch a card at 5pm
For a cheap watch and a cake
You live on autopilot
A zombie for the pay
Make copies, staple papers
Day, after day, after day
You think you're irreplaceable
Never make it without you
But if you dropped dead on the floor
They'd step right over you
And when your time is over
They blow up some balloons
Toast you with some Diet Sprite
Goodbye they're done with you
Tell me was it worth it?
Did it bring you any joy?
Did you trade your soul,your dreams
To be gainfully employed?
Were you ever happy
Or was it lies , just fake
Do you wish your life was more
Than a cheap watch and a cake?
Toxic Cake
by Odin Roark
How drippingly fine
The words that coat
Such layered density
Icing thick enough
To entice the fool
Along with seasoned critics
Into toxic waste goodness
Persuasion chefs united
Gourmet salesmanship
Learned minds
Street smart minds
Tribal and nepotistic minds
All hawking hidden contagion
Beneath their ever sweet glazing
One day
A global cake will be rolled out
For all to gorge on
Unaware from the top
Might explode layered poison
Well surpassing avoidance
Our own demise
A recipe created by sentient impotence
The giant bite
The final swallow
The sweet tooth seduction
That never was
.
sponge cake sunrise
reveals whipped meringue hillside
marshmallow cooled-down snowcap
weeks before Christmas
will Christmas bring
a snow covered night
miniture sleigh and flying reindeer
who knows, dreams might come true
Sponge cake is made with egg yolks where angel food cake is made from egg whites, therefore, sponge cake is yellow and angel food cake is white.
½ cup sass
1 tbsp eye roll
2 cups suprirotive
1 cup white privilege
½ tsp rudeness
1 brand new car, softened
5 oz brand name clothing
A dash of allof, to taste
Add all ingredients together, while whisking in misinformed news media. Mix thoroughly for pretentious.
It was Christmas time in Anansi’s house
But Anansi was snoring loud and deep
While all the house was up and busy
Sneaky Anansi was pretending to sleep
Anansi imagined lying on the beach
Soaking up some hot Jamaican sun
Christmas time with all its merriment
For Anansi was never, ever fun!
Poor Anansi - it’s such a crime
To not have fun at Christmas time!
Last year whist fixing the Christmas baubles
He was jumping up, extremely mad
Because all the baubles kept flying off
And the crooked angel looked very sad
When he tore off the wrapper from his gifts
He always hoped for a nice surprise
But every year his presents were the same
Eight pairs of socks and two colourful ties
Poor Anansi - the church bells’ chime
No fun for you this Christmas time!
And Christmas dinner was never enough
Because his wife entertained the whole town!
Cold scraps of dinner left on a plate
And a squeeze to find a spot to sit down
And playing party games was such a bore
Card games he never had the knack
Charades would leave him a little confused
Legs tangled with Twister or stuck on his back
Poor Anansi, you can bet a dime
No fun for you this Christmas-time
Never anything good to watch on TV
And the Queen spoke too posh and too slow
He didn’t even have a favourite book to read
Poor, poor Anansi with his Christmas woe
But there was just one thing about Christmas
That Anansi couldn’t wait to partake
Every Christmas his wife would prepare
The most delicious, scrumptious Christmas cake
Every year he sliced the biggest piece
Leaving his family to fight for the rest
Delicious, scrumptious with a scoop of ice-cream
This Christmas cake was always the best
Anansi made sure that everyone had gone
Before he scurried down for his Christmas treat
He looked in the oven, the cupboard the fridge
But couldn’t find any Christmas cake to eat
“Surprise,” said his wife from behind him
“We are having fruit salad for a change!”
Then she handed him a large Christmas bowl
Filled with tropical fruits of all range.
Poor Anansi - it’s such a crime
To have no cake at Christmas time!
To have no cake at Christmas time!
To have no cake at Christmas time!
“And you call yourself a bloody cook”, this mongrel shearer said.
“I oughta ram this rubbish down yer’ throat, it’ll kill a bloke stone dead.”
He’s talking ‘bout the stew I burnt, which I hoped he couldn’t focus.
That he’d gulp it down with ‘red-eye’ wine, and he would fail to notice.
But no, my luck was out, he flew raging from his seat
“You’ve put a taste into my ‘gob’, now I need something sweet,
What’s in the fridge;” he yanked the door, took out a plate and bowl,
On one was chunky custard, and one a mouldy sausage roll.
“Look at this!” The shearer screamed, so all the mob could see.
First they eyed the sausage roll, and then looked back at their tea.
“Hang on” I said, “You ‘mangy’ lot, what you’re seeing here,
Is something I can’t be blamed for, they’re from the cook last year.”
“Git’ the boss!” I heard yelled out, and one went for the door.
I need this job and need it bad … to them I vowed and swore.
I’ll clean out the fridge and lift my act; then promised I would bake,
A treat for them on Wednesday ... my special chocolate cake.
My memory’s a little blank, for the ingredients I need,
I’ve got most in the cupboard, with no recipe to read,
Butters scarce but lard will do, and the milks a little sour.
None of them are ‘gunna’ notice, the weevils in the flour.
There’s salt and caster sugar, I need cocoa but there’s none,
There is a tin of milo though; its use by date is March of sixty-one,
That’s everything to make the cake; all I need’s an egg to bind,
Oh yes! There are two in the fridge; last years cook had left behind.
I got down the mixing bowl, and took some water from the tank,
Spooned out a couple of wrigglers … the dead ones to the bottom sank.
I’m not sure about the ounces or the tablespoons and such.
Cups of this with drops of that, but does that really matter much.
The only time I wasn’t sure, and felt maybe should I renege,
When I cracked the shell and found, a half grown chicken in the egg.
But they’re shearers here, big and strong, who’d never get to eat,
Let alone a chocolate cake, but one that’s made with meat.
The oven’s hot, the textures great, I greased the baking dish.
The cake was cooked and it smelt great … every shearers wish.
But a chicken’s foot stuck out the top; I cut out and ate that bit.
You know this chocolate cake of mine, tasted – more – like … ‘passionfruit’!
Holiday dinners coming
Time to sit and feast
Moms afraid of infection
She worries about the yeast
Uncle Bobby wants some Turkey
He's picked out the wishing bone
If he is finally Lucky
He won't have to go home alone
Now the Turkey is boneless
The bread is not rising
The gravy is all lumpy
Grandma cukoo is smiling
Little jimmy is angry
He just wants to eat
But his cousin Elizabeth
Is taking toe jam off his feet
I should have stayed at home
With food that isn't gross
But then I wouldn't have seen
Grandpa riding the pot roast
He thought it was a Bronko
He made a big mistake
It never would have happened
If he had stayed awake
Lucky mom still had the ham
The roast had been destroyed
After it had been ridden
It was easy to avoid
Once the meal was over
I was nothing short of glad
I shouldn't tell you about Father
What he did was really bad
He went into the parlor
To let off some nasty gas
Sounded like an explosion
I laughed off my silly ass
My sad tale is now over
Every story has an end
If you don't really enjoy it
Be kind and just pretend
Christmas Dinner With Humor contest.
Written Dec 5 2012
It is an important cake that I had to bake with out a rake so that it would be
real It has a special filling that the groom himself requested and has not been
tested a flavor that is also a favorite of mine no matter where I dine even with fine punch It must not even come close to being dropped nor even flipped
It is a family specialty both with and with out the decorations with not one
splotch not one drop of scotch although my watch seems to have been some
how misplaced plus every step retraced although perhaps it’s in the van with the
pans of sandy ham maybe even on the can of Pam- wherever it is I can not put
down the cake to look
My book when last seen was next to the cake which was nowhere near the
hooks my watch may have been there too when I was using my decorating tools
with out boos but wherever my watch happens to be I am grateful I have not run
into any yellow bees I hope I am not late regardless of the fee because I have to
make a delivery even if for free
Well whatever the time even if I only get a few dimes and limes this is a
special occasion so this better be the right destination regardless of
instantaneous regeneration of plants with out procrastination or any kind of
hesitation despite some close calls that would make it resemble the leaning
tower of Italy here comes the wedding cake!
There once was a girl from Arizona
Who could only fit in a kimona
She vowed to lose some weight
But loved all kinds of cake
Even drawn by pumpkin cake's aroma
She vowed that she would be stronger
Would wear kimonos no longer
With cotton up her nose
From the table arose
Now in leggins she does saunter
Sponsor: Gwendolin R.
Contest:A Limerick In My Pocket
I can die happy, with a great big grin
Knowing that I’m going to submit to this sin
It’s salacious, it’s scandalous - I’m in a tailspin
Chocolate Mousse Cake
Give it up, give in - Dig in!
Each delectable forkful
An endorphin rush
Serotonin gush
My heart races, my cheeks flush
A decadent delectation
A sweeter than sweet sensation
I succumb to the temptation
A morsel of mousse
So silky, so dreamy
Rich, moist cake
So milky, so creamy
Dark and mysterious
I’m giddy - delirious
My oh so perfect lover
This relationship is serious
I fall into your sensual embrace
And lick the plate clean, there is no trace
My mantra is “Mmmmmm”
So I freely partake
Never get enough
Of this divine stuff
My slice of heaven
Chocolate Mousse Cake
For Linda-Marie's "Dreamy Dessert" Contest
What a beautiful, romantic day
Most wonderful day of my life
I soak up the sun, every ray
We're going to be husband and wife
The wedding cake's beautiful but where's the knife?
And where's my dad? He should be here
To give me away, oh my, oh dear!
Oh my God! What a Stag Night
I can't quite remember, what did we do?
Why's there a tattoo on my butt on the right?
And why is half my hair blue?
I'm panicking now about what will ensue
When in the shower blue dye starts to disappear
And the girl's name just dissolves from my rear.
I'm loving the stairs on the cake
A three layer
A triple dare
Of a husband number three
My beautiful day, I swirl for the show
Hubby number three won't be free for a while.
Still puzzling, how did I get here?
A triple trouble stands in front of me
The bachelor party a couple of nights ago
I wish I was free again
The knife in the cake crumbles as the sweet cake is savoured.
As the blushing bride I look all around
My brothers and sisters, eyes open wide
They look at the cake and at the groom frown
But they're smacking their lips but not at the bride
The church doors are locked, everyone is inside
When will the service be over, how long will it take?
Before they can get their hands on that cake.
As the blushing groom I nervously look at a sister
The brothers are scowling, her kids just grinning
Don't think you can back out now mister
My fate is sealed, my head is spinning
The priest calls to order, the service beginning
I glance across at the majestic cake
Like Kilimanjaro no knife could it break.
The wedding day rings dancing on the plate
Waiting to be worn on this forever date
The service ends, the wedding bells still ringing
The now wife and husband each having
A million thoughts running
The groom takes a quick glance at his years of single
The bride not holding back on this mingle.
She loving the stairs on the cake
A three layer, a triple dare
Of a husband number three
He is still puzzling, how he got here
The cake demolished to only one crumb
Just like his chances of being free
(AKA - "Becca Baked My Birthday Cake")
Surprise! Strawberry scents permeated the air.
Mountains of creamy pink lured fingertips.
Bewitching chocolate with fresh fruit inside,
Luscious and succulent tempted watery lips.
Enlivened young children could hardly wait.
Tiny little fingers did not hesitate.
Dipping in the icing, a lip-smacking delight.
To tell you the truth, neither could I wait.
Fluffy and moist, strawberry infused confection.
Delightfully melted on the first tasting tongue.
Four layers baked had delicately arisen.
Delectably glazed before delicious had sprung.
It was that yummy year, and homemade birthday cake,
She showed me through baking how her love pierced my heart.
Fresh fruit decorated cake with special designs.
Chocolate dipped strawberry delight, her loves’ impart!