there is another retirement party for me tomorrow.
I was wondering how in the world I could attend.
After all, I have a new puppy and there is an old angry dog here.
She is less than thrilled about this new interloper.
Luckily, Buddy has adopted Beau, the new puppy.
They are frolicking in the yard together,
chewing on sticks together, sleeping alongside each other.
As a trial I left them alone for an hour today.
They were cuddled up asleep upon my return.
I could not even think about leaving tomorrow
if I did not have Buddy, a big boy who has become Beau’s brother.
I am thrilled that this is working out!
I saw a report on the news today,
about what Social Media did.
People were yelling and screaming how,
they’re not babysitting our kid.
If you can’t control what your children watch,
while you live with them all day long.
Why are you blaming Social Media ,
when something they might see goes wrong.
If you don’t want them exposed to some things,
that some evil people might say.
Perhaps you should not give them a cell phone,
As a gift for their 5th birthday.
We have never had a babysitter that was a bunny!
What are your concerns? I asked my pet cat Honey.
Does she have a sense of humor? Will she be funny?
My spaniel Henry had no questions, he is always sunny.
Babysitter arrived driving a pretty pastel bike.
Hey! Said Henry. Let’s take a little hike!
I have a better idea! Let’s see if you two fit in my basket.
She gave them the ride of their lives, their new babysitter, Miss Hasket.
Tired babysitter thought she’d have some Post Toasty cereal.
The milk knocked her flat, she fell asleep in their papa’s chair.
When parents came home, they called her Mom Miss Merrial.
Could she spend the night? She was already asleep and there.
Babysitter’s mama came over and picked her daughter up.
She knew these children woke up at the crack of first light.
Babysitter was glad she was home, hearing bark of her pup.
I love you Mom she said. “never ever let me spend the night!”
Melvin was enthralled with three sisters so fine
I will keep careful watch oas if they are mine.
The sisters were Marigold, Mercy and May.
They were readily watched by Melvin O’Shay.
He is a wise owl. I completely trust him.
Said the girls’ mother Mrs. McKim.
Entrusting her daughters to the care of the owl.
Who was an incredible babysitter, a marvelous fowl.
She heard a commotion
A woman’s plea
A woman’s scream
A loud thud
Silence
Her heart was beating rapidly
She pretended she was asleep when he came in
The children’s father paid her twenty dollars
He took her home
She never saw their mother
This was the first time he had driven a babysitter home
She could not stop shaking
Wondering when he would stop the car
And kill her too
The babysitter could barely read the book, this being the wild.
For a screaming, squalling baby was on her lap, wailing and stuff.
But she was determined to conquer this irritated unhappy little child.
She was supposed to let her cry herself to sleep, but she was not tough.
She could not stand the wailing, sobbing, anguish of baby.
She walked her and rocked her, and she finally fell asleep at her neck.
Would she ever be back to babysit? She was not ready to say maybe.
But the family came home and paid her four dollars, so she said. What the heck.
Vibrant vigorous vexing virginal vampire name of Amanda Lou
Could transmogrify, materialize, reincarnate and shapeshift too.
Other trick-or-treaters would get a shimmery, shivery, shocking shock
When she changed from a vamp to an imp to a fairy on one block walk.
A charmer, this darling girl named Amanda Lou, so she enchanted them.
Changing from ghoul to ghost to witch to Frankenstein again and again.
She was incredibly peppy, hilarious, and fun to be with on Halloween.
Mothers stayed home, and let her walk their children finally, her best dream.
No one bothered kids when Amanda Lou was on babysitting watch of the wee.
Bats, snakes and enemies of state were scared of her power you see.
The quintessential guardian for all of the tricksters on Halloween night.
When she walks with them, you can actually feel a perpetrator’s fright.
As a giant spider she once ate one perp’s head off and spit it into a ditch.
Turned into a cauldron and burned up a mean-to-children-gingerbread witch.
Amanda Lou is not to be messed with, made fun of or annoyed in any way.
Want to tease children? Better pick another vampire, another day.
Death of dating started to happen on a Wednesday.
We had eaten a lovely supper at a favorite restaurant
Loved it going down.
Not so much two hours later as it came back up
Death of dating continued to happen the next Friday
When a disgruntled employee who was fired put shards of glass
Into the chunks of blue cheese that got put into my salad
At another restaurant.
Final straw which insured death of dating happened after we
Got married, had three children and realized we could buy a lot
Of groceries, diapers, and formula with the money we used
To use while dating.
Decided to bury dating and begin eating at home where we
Discovered neither of us was a bad cook; as a matter of fact
We like our cooking better than anybody else's
And we can stay safe at the same time.
Besides have you paid a babysitter lately?
Besides their pay there are Christmas bonuses and you
Have to pay their car insurance.
She yanked Sue by the belly,
She pinched Lou on the nose.
She shoved us from the telly
And she trampled on our toes.
She went through the cupboards, snooping
And she stole our paper clips.
But the worst stench was her pooping,
Then she ate our potato chips!
I have had it, I told my siblings.
Go find a long rope, and scissors too.
We dragged her from her scribbling,
And we lost her saddle shoe.
She was screaming like a banshee,
Neighbors ran out to take a selfie
Nothing posed, nothing fancy
Quick shots, lean and healthy.
We marched her to a locust,
In our best friend Marco’s yard.
He ran out to help us,
His brother Beau stood guard.
When our parents returned home
From their little night on the town
They wondered where the babysitter had gone.
Luckily, for us, she was never ever found.
Sometimes sweet
Sometimes bitter
The babysitter
Watches over naughty kids
While parents dine on steak and wine
And upon return the children wake
For Mum and Dad to tuck them in
Destined for La La Land
As Mum and Dad make love as planned
It's another lazy day
My room has had its fill
of darkness and its play
The baby's sleepin' still
I'll run on up the stairs
and pour my morning tea
that is if no one cares-
I'll flip on the T.V.
Watchin' all the game shows
(I know 'em all by heart)
When 11 quickly goes
I guess it's time to start
So shut the T.V. off
and turn the music on
It's time to do my job
(right after this next song)
But first I gotta eat
so throw some bread together
Man, I gotta kill this heat
go downstairs to cooler weather
...I must of dozed off awhile ago
Gee, I wonder if the kids are up?
Oh I'm sure they'll be alright
while I pour me one more cup
It's already goin' on 5!
Where HAS the morning gone?
If the kids will watch T.V.
I'll just get the dinner on
At 5 I shall retire
only two more hours to go
there's a rumor I'll get FIRED
but for WHAT I'll never know
Need A Babysitter Horn Limerick
Should have seen all the Trump litter
No wonder supporters became a quitter
After all his nonsense putting up with
Separating truth from lies and myth
Has been know to need a babysitter.
Jim Horn
My parents said I could not keep the black, stray cat.
They explained our canary would not survive that.
Parents out, a sitter, and my four-year-old mind
Let the cat in and hoped for the best in due time.
I am ashamed to have plotted murder when four,
Sad an innocent bird died cause I liked cats more.
The whole family loved that sweet cat, “Little Bit”,
Plus, I promise, I never planned another death hit.
She lived just behind us
on the cross street.
We were young and poor,
our children, mere babies.
Now, our youngest is 48,
she's a bit older.
We're approaching senility
but she remembers . . .
changing diapers,
heating formula,
bedtime stories,
and fried bologna sandwiches.
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