Short Babysitter Poems

my brother
my mother
my bartender
my psychiatrist
my babysitter
my best friend

my instrument
my music......

Read More

Spent hours choosing 
    my wife’s wedding ring

 Years later, for a babysitter
    made a couple calls
      got our kids a ding-a-ling...

Read More

they were staying at grandma’s when mama had her litter
She was knitting a green sweater, their sweet babysitter
Who is the yarn puller? She asked both of the kittens.
If you keep doing that, you will not get any mittens!...

Read More

I'm home from the war.
I throw my kit down,
piss in the sink,
kick the cat,
smash the fine china teapot,
order you to stop hiding,
threaten to kill your mother,
demand sex with the babysitter.
My stiff face screams:
I love you....

Read More

Need A Babysitter Horn Limerick

Should have seen all the Trump litter
No wonder supporters became a quitter
After all his nonsense putting up with
Separating truth from lies and myth
Has been know to need a babysitter.

Jim Horn...

Read More

My monsters live under the bed, the five-year-old said.
I remembered those days, those nightmares.
Mine lived in the closet too, I told him.
His eyes grew eight inches in diameter.
Not the wisest move for a twelve-year-old babysitter....

Read More

Sometimes sweet 
Sometimes bitter 
The babysitter
Watches over naughty kids
While parents dine on steak and wine
And upon return the children wake
For Mum and Dad to tuck them in
Destined for La La Land
As Mum and Dad make love as planned...

Read More

She lived just behind us
on the cross street.
We were young and poor,
our children, mere babies.

Now, our youngest is 48,
she's a bit older.
We're approaching senility
but she remembers . . .

changing diapers,
heating formula,
bedtime stories,
and fried bologna sandwiches....

Read More

Let’s play charades!
No. Tic tac toe.
No Pictionary!
Okay, time for Cranium Cadoo.

A game that combines logic,
Chardes
Tic tac toe
and Pictionary!

New argument.
I want to be green!
No. I  am green.
I am always green.

The babysitter gives up.
Not realizing when Mom is here 
she is always green...

Read More

Comedian
—————
funny
bunny

Imposter
———-—
phony
coney

Addiction
—————
rabbit
habit

Illegal Aliens
———-———
foreign
warren

Tooth care
———-—-
flossin’
hasen

Babysitter
———-—-
au pair
kit care

Bad trip reservations
—----————————
hare air
fare err

Stopping
---—————————
it takes
hare brakes...

Read More

He called me mom,
he shouldn’t have, as I am not
his mother, nor his grandmother,
aunt, or babysitter.  But I am his 
friend, and he sees me more than
his own mother.  She drops him at our
center at seven a.m. and picks him up
at six p.m. only to take him home to
put hi m to bed.  No wonder
he calls me Mom.




Originally written on paper 1986....

Read More

He’s home from the war.
The young marine throws his kit down,
piss’s in the sink, kicks the cat,
drinks a remaining fifth of J.D.
In a drunken rage
smashes her fine china teapot,
orders her to stop hiding,
threatens to kill her meddling mother,
demands sex
or he'll fork the babysitter.
Eyes wet with a mute sorrow
stiff face screaming:
I love you....

Read More

Melvin was enthralled with three sisters so fine
I will keep careful watch oas if they are mine.
The sisters were Marigold, Mercy and May.
They were readily watched by Melvin O’Shay.

He is a wise owl. I completely trust him.
Said the girls’ mother Mrs. McKim.
Entrusting her daughters to the care of the owl.
Who was an incredible babysitter, a marvelous fowl....

Read More

She heard a commotion
A woman’s plea
A woman’s scream
A loud thud
Silence

Her heart was beating rapidly
She pretended she was asleep when he came in
The children’s father paid her twenty dollars
He took her home
She never saw their mother

This was the first time he had driven a babysitter home
She could not stop shaking
Wondering when he would stop the car
And kill her too...

Read More

Santa Badger can handle it Mrs. Badger said.
She was in charge, and this is not in my head.
I have seen the two together, she gives him no leeway.
He cringes from her directions by the end of their day.

Santa Badger was a pushover and gave much away.
Bunnies, hedgehogs, and mice soon showed up to play.
Let’s go out and eat, one of the mothers suggested.
By end of the day Babysitter Badger’s nerves were sorely tested....

Read More

Brilliant minds still grapple with deep thought
Mortality, God and what's beyond the cosmic wall
The babysitter thinks on other levels here and now
How much rent to pay, toppings on a pizza, diaries
Boys, bubble gum and what to wear to school
Religious people think that sex and food are evil
They think too much
What good does it do them
I'll have a coke and pizza with my babysitter
Please pass the salt and hold that thought...

Read More

We have never had a babysitter that was a bunny!
What are your concerns? I asked my pet cat Honey.
Does she have a sense of humor? Will she be funny?
My spaniel Henry had no questions, he is always sunny.

Babysitter arrived driving a pretty pastel bike.
Hey! Said Henry. Let’s take a little hike!
I have a better idea! Let’s see if you two fit in my basket.
She gave them the ride of their lives, their new babysitter, Miss Hasket....

Read More

Daddy Mike,
What were you like?
You were gone 
when I was a very tiny tike.
 
Daddy Mike,
Was it because of me? 
Was leaving me all you could see?
Surely, you knew how much pain there would be.
A little girl needs her daddy.
 
Daddy Mike,
From abuse and pain
I shed many a tear.
Without you here,
I always felt fear.
 
Daddy Mike,
Abusive babysitter, playmate,
bullies, and family.
Nowhere for me 
to flee.
 
Daddy Mike,
Why were you 
not here?...

Read More

The 4 year olds were all invited
For a cup of tea,
Though whether they will drink it
Is a mystery to me.

A get-together after school,
With only girls allowed,
Seems like a perfect setting
For the ballet-dancing crowd.

The babysitter runs the show
With toys and games and snacks 
So all the moms and nanas
Have some time to just relax.

Though calling it a tea party
Brings Alice to my mind,
In modern lingo, I would guess
It's differently defined....

Read More

I saw a report on the news today,
about what Social Media did.
People were yelling and screaming how,
they’re not babysitting our kid.

If you can’t control what your children watch,
while you live with them all day long.
Why are you blaming Social Media ,
when something they might see goes wrong.

If you don’t want them exposed to some things,
that some evil people might say.
Perhaps you should not give them a cell phone,
As a gift for their 5th birthday.
...

Read More

Mother, Granny,Wife,and lover
First one hat and then the other
Babysitter, will she enlist?
Not only that she will insist

She cooks my meals and cleans the place
Welcomes warmly my embrace
Listens to poetic endeavors 
Solves the who's what's or whatever's

Feeds the dog and that old stray cat
Says what I need and where it's at
Updates the list for shopping 
Writes checks for bills non-stopping

Puts up with my every quirk
But when she's asked says, "I don't work!"...

Read More

(This is a true story)

A man called a babysitter and told her to go upstairs and look in on the children.
She ignored the man so he called again and again.
She finally got fed up and asked the operator to trace the man's call.
When the operator traced it, it made the babysitter's skin crawl.
The operator told her to get out of the house because the calls were coming from 
upstairs.
The man had already killed the children and he was going to kill her when she 
came up there....

Read More

Tired babysitter thought she’d have some Post Toasty cereal.
The milk knocked her flat, she fell asleep in their papa’s chair.
When parents came home, they called her Mom Miss Merrial.
Could she spend the night? She was already asleep and there.

Babysitter’s mama came over and picked her daughter up.
She knew these children woke up at the crack of first light.
Babysitter was glad she was home,  hearing bark of her pup.
I love you Mom she said. “never ever let me spend the night!”...

Read More