I translated this from German to English. Which unfortunately makes it less elegant.
To share my love,
nothing more painful can I imagine,
than to tear my heart in two.
To be bound to someone eternally,
but never fully belong to him
There is neither yes nor no,
just endless desire.
To be betrayed, in the
most cruel way, is not
with the body, but
with the heart.
Chaos of emotions, Love and
Suffering have never been closer to
each other.
How will this End, no
solution in sight
With pain and tears?
I don't know
The obligation, to have to make a decision
weighs heavily on my Shoulders
I miss you
I MISS YOU (how to let go?)
Why can't I be with you?
Every day like the sunshine.
They say time heals all wounds,
But my Heart is
for all eternity to yours
Bound.
I have to comprehend,
I can't see you..
It sounds like a joke,
But to miss you this much,
It really breaks my heart!
For Pierre.
Stay a child of the sun in your life
Because whosoever hath the sun
Can give the sun!
If you love wealth, do not love me
For there are many who are richer than me
If you love beauty, do not love me
For there are many who are more beautiful than me
Yet if it is love that you love, only love me
For there is no one who loves you more than I.
I would never be understood by any man
I can't put up a pretense of who I am
I'm very simple and want very little
But they can't seem to handle my mental
I'm not sure if the rejection would cause me to change
I'm not sure I'm appreciated or want to remain the same
I could try to be that average woman for that average man
Wrapping them around my finger and screaming demands
Just take everything for granted including their pride
Take every moment as a joke and just go along for the ride
Playing head games and toy with them while leading them with lies
Treating them like a puppet for what's between the thighs
No one seems to like or want the person I am within
Sincerity and Faithfulness just flows beneath my skin
Do I need to change the person I am just to be accepted
I'm tired of being misunderstood and getting my emotions affected
It's only so many females like me that are left in this world
Who request from you little or nothing just to be your girl
If I start to come off different, it's the men I'm going to blame
You're the reason I doubt myself and wonder if I need to change.
(“Dragon’s Eye”, 2024, original encaustic)
Great sadness weighs one down
From the inside,
A heart heavy with the loss
Of great expectation,
An oppressive weight that only lifts
When one lets go.
Great sadness follows what was once
Great love and joy,
Now past, held tightly still
In great attachment.
(3/29/26)
Sometimes loving you hurts me.
I’m asking for a miracle
I’m not even trying to make work.
I’ve been silent for way too long.
I wish you felt my feelings
so I wouldn’t have to name them.
I wish I could read your heart
so I’d know if I should reach or retreat.
I smile when I see your name on my screen,
and on the days you decide to ignore me,
everything comes crashing down.
Sometimes I wonder why I’m pulled in.
Why am I obsessed with someone
who doesn’t communicate clearly?
Do I choose people who are incomplete
because there’s still something missing in me?
I wish I could call you and talk all this out.
Can we be adults and have a conversation?
They say you’re stressed, but you’re still up.
You said you need time, but you’re outside.
I’m folding my cards with the wrong person.
Is it too late to withdraw from this?
I don’t know if I should keep playing
or leave the table and keep what I have.
healing balancing
emotional state of being
left my conscious
with phantom grief
hard to explain
the feeling of a despair
of released attachment
to worry stress anger
no longer holding space
to those emotions in heart
gaining a momentum
to feel something
different as a new
way to conjure thoughts
with the feeling of joy
I learned you first in fragments—
not trust, not fear, but both at once,
a trembling compass spinning
toward the very hands
that taught you how to flinch.
Your heart kept two ledgers—
the one who comforts
and the one who harms—
yet both wore the same face,
spoke the same lullaby.
So love became a fire exit
sealed shut in every dream.
You ran toward safety,
but the path bent back
into the burning room.
I watch you now—
how you brace for impact
even in a gentle voice,
how you search my eyes
for storms I do not carry.
Child of scrambled signals,
you were not born in chaos—
it was given to you
like a map with no north.
But hear this softly:
your nervous system
is not your destiny.
There is a door
no one showed you.
Take my hand—
we will walk slowly.
The past can be rewired;
even shattered patterns
learn new rhythms.
And someday
when someone reaches for you
with honest, steady palms,
your body will not mistake
their warmth for danger.
You will not run.
You will not freeze.
You will simply stay—
and call it home.
It is time.
I’ve had enough.
I see it, I feel it,
I recognize.
Risk versus benefit —
and I know the answer.
I have plenty of work to do here
The heart yearns
The heart wants
It pulls you in
But don't get too close because
Close means vulnerability
Vulnerability means chance
Chance of hurt
Chance of change
So here the heart stays
Silent
Fearful it is not the heart
But the only heart.
Sentimental Attachment
There is a mosquito in my room, it’s slow and
Fat, when it comes near, I’ll kill it even if all
Life is equal; the damn thing may carry Dengue
Fever and, anyways, it isn’t possible to have
A meaningful relationship with an insect and feel
Distraught when it drowns in your coffee.
My neighbor has a lamb in his shed, it’s baaing.
All day, misses its mother, the company of others.
Lambs, to jump in the air, on a field, and look.
Cute; now it is being fattened up for slaughter in
In about six months, I’m looking forward to
Be invited for dinner, I have made mint sauce.
Dogs would be difficult to eat, though. There is
Something cannibalistic about it, they have been
Close to us through history, emotionally, they are
A part of us, this is partly true, people in China
Eat dogs, only a few through, the rest are like us.
Give their pet silly names like… Fofino.
More than a soft toy,
Is a childhood friend of mine,
He's been here for ten years,
Maybe even eleven,
Why do I feel such connection,
Towards you?
You've been in most of my memories,
Grown beside me,
Is that the reason why?
When i sang a song for the first time,
Or when you consoled me in the darkest nights,
Is it because, i shared my everything with you,
Even my childhood and heart?
Oh my dear lovely jaguar,
I still remember when I hugged you while sleeping,
On the day I got you when I was five,
I just want you to know,
I still do this now.
You're my snuggling partner,
My first friend,
And my whole childhood,
My dear friend.
i try and paint you in a bad light inside my head
to create a reason to get over you but no matter how hard i try
all i can think of is you
you consume my mind
take control of my speech
i will always drift back to you no matter how hard the universe can rip me apart from you
you have my heart
my lungs
my blood
my mind
you have my soul
do you need anything else
i’ll give you all you need of me and still love you the same as you leave me to rot
so you can feel better
i would carve holes in my skin if you wanted to touch my bones
all for you
i would do anything for you
you are like roots wrapping yourself in my chest,
coiling around my heart,
puncturing holes in my flesh to encase me in your grasp.
i’ll bleed out if it helped you
i’ll bleed out and die without your touch or love
without your kisses or hugs
without you
i’ll watch you like the mona lisa
loving from afar
Run it deep, run you words through me,
You make me feel right, I still recognize myself to be the wrong guy cos I'm still in doubt.
The sky is bright in the dark, o my god look at that,
Aren't you the reason for bright days and night that I have?
Making me to relax, feel good and feel alive.
Run those whispers through my ears,
Switch it up, switch up my nerves to every bit of your steps.
Roll the dice, roll it till I fold , you already won before and it was no luck.
Put me in your arms or fall in mine whichever you like as long as you have no doubt.
I breathe you in like I feed on your scent,
Its like the rain a farmer needs before the harvest,
And I want you so deep that I could have gone down to the bottom of the ocean.
An obsession I don't wish to have but an objection I don't seem to have either.
So whether I like or fight it, you still keep the control of me.
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