Q: What is avian forensics?
A: Ornithology pathology.
Q: What's the name of Adam Levine's band when they appear in concert?
A: Maroon Five Live.
Q: What is a submarine that only goes forward?
A: An irreversible submersible.
Q: What was a really fanatical peasant in ancient Greece?
A: A zealot helot.
Q: What kind of small pet dog gets carried around in a designer handbag?
A: A Gucci poochie.
Q: What would you call a consumer review of one of Benjamin Franklin's inventions?
A: A colonial testimonial.
Q: What's another name for a woman's "muffin tops"?
A: A girdle hurdle.
Q: If characters are an author's progeny, what does that make "Dorian Gray"?
A: A Wilde child.
Q: What rules of conduct were Senators in ancient Rome supposed to follow?
A: Forum decorum.
Q: How does film actress Meryl get censored on Jimmy Kimmel?
A: With a Streep bleep.
Q: What are Russian citizens doing to show approval for President Vladimir?
A: They're rootin' for Putin.
Q: What flower is named for a missing legendary aviation pioneer?
A: The Amelia Camelia.
Q: What would the French knight do when he started flirting with Guinevere?
A: Lancelot would glance a lot.
Q: What do you call a ghoul on crutches?
A: A hobblin' goblin.
Q: What does comic actor Ricky have when he is ill?
A: Gervais malaise.
Q: What is a king who is also a lawyer?
A: A regal legal eagle.
Q: What issue does a psychiatrist and his obsessive patient work on?
A: Compulsion repulsion.
Q: What is an internet scammer's attempt to get account information?
A: A phishin' expedition.
Q: What is Lord Grantham considering for Downton Abbey?
A: Mansion expansion.
Q: What kind of boat might a former governor of Texas have used to help illegals get across the Rio Grande?
A: A Rick Perry ferry.
Q: What did the official Vatican CPA discuss with a former Pontiff?
A: Pope Francis' finances.
Q: What is the shudder you feel when you think you've seen a ghost?
A: A phantasm spasm.
Q: What is the best prescription for the nightly news blahs?
A: The David Muir cure.
Q: Who is a columnist who writes about fashion shows?
A: A couture reviewer.
Q: What do you call a really careless guy who accidentally shoots himself?
A: A ballistic statistic.
Q: What do you call a large reptilian predator's temporary replacement?
A: An ad hoc croc.
Q: What is an opera extravaganza in Milan, Italy?
A: A La Scala gala.
Q: How would a waitress explain to a customer why his ham and eggs are green?
A: With a Dr. Seuss excuse.
Q: What was everyone asking when Franz Joseph hadn't been seen for a few days?
A: Where was Papa Haydn hidin'?
Q: Who is the current Chief of Staff?
A: The resident President.
Q: What is an old, lame, deaf, half-blind Sherlock Holmes?
A: A defective detective.
Q: Who is the magician who ate all the pasta when no one was looking?
A: The linguini Houdini.
Q: What is a day in the life depiction of the First Family on view in the rotunda of the White House?
A: An Obama diorama.
Q: What is a doctor who operates on a big fish to remove the roe?
A: A sturgeon surgeon.
Q: What disease did the star of "Veep" get from drinking unbottled water when she was in India?
A: Julia Louis-Dreyfus typhus.
Q: What is a debutante dance for snakes, alligators, etc.?
A: A reptilian cotillion.
Q: How do people in third-world countries view America's "open door" policy?
A: As an immigration invitation.
Q: Selfridge's was a fine example of what kind of department store?
A: A Victorian emporium.
Q: Where would you be if you found yourself trapped between this world and another?
A: In dimension suspension.
My grandmother knew
the exact moment I was born.
She was sitting in the passenger seat
of my grandfather’s navy blue Jeep Wrangler.
Speeding down the New Jersey turnpike,
the windows trembled against rushing air.
She closed her eyes and said,
“I just heard my baby granddaughter cry.”
Every time she tells this story,
I imagine my first guttural wail
transcending miles of houses,
trees, and pavement.
I think what a crude force even then
was my unrelenting fear,
its velocity,
its volume,
its stamina.
I and John who wrote 'suitcase Charlie' were texting long...
Distance, on twitter? Or fb? Thoughts flowing free and strong' he was
Born in a concentration camp, this Guzulwazski.' Professor and
Emeritus.' and an atheist you see.' I said i was resting when
He asked me, what are you doing i think.?? When i re-served him that question
He replied.. Just had a drink.' He is partial to red wine about
Two every day.' He informed me sitting in England he was
Finishing one, there in Chicago and choosing another one'
But hey.' I said come on big John, you know should tell me the
Truth..You are choosing a book off your shelf; Up Aloof'
No answer recieved i.? for a minuute or two.' I give him
Great credit for the answer he gave I'm telling you.' he said
He'd checked through his window, yet saw no one around
Who could have informed me.? Of that book that he had; just taken
Down.!!
when speaking the truth
becoming an offence in
some folks' eyes, speak loud.
September 19/2023
Inspired by a moving conversation in a show. Some people appear incapable of expressing or feeling emotions. But, oftentimes they shut themselves down because of trauma.
The volume is turned way down low
By Michelle Morris
28/08/2023
You may not be normal
But normal doesn't really exist
You do have human feelings
They're just a lot more difficult to access
The volume is turned way down low
You just have to listen more carefully
I know that you can experience love
I know that you are capable of empathy
Don't dismiss the hands of friendship
Some people are capable of being trusted
Remember that normal is an illusion
And that everyone needs someone
Tune in to your deepest heart
Learn to detect the movement of the dial
Over time you'll turn up the volume
And become more acquainted with human life
© Michelle Morris, 2023
A new book
seal broken
virgin page.
Hastily
scrawled in red
volume loud
the word SAVE.
Now slowly
close cover.
Tricube
turning down the noise within allows one to hear another-clearly
A basketful of pennies, true,
May be less than a handful of quarters
Children will take the basketful every time
Because as any little kid can tell you
Volume always means more value.
written July 3, 2021
When the deafening volume of love subsides, and is no longer heard. The softer melody of simply liking another, needs to replace it, being felt and expressed to another by more then a word. Otherwise in a vacuum of silence, who can be acknowledged and known? If interest in the humanity of another exits, how can it be shown?
I’ve read too many
Words – adjectives and adverbs
Poetry and prose
Both delicious with color
And captivating with feeling
Like music, they have charmed me
My mind absorbs their excuses
Benefiting from their reasons
Justifications that count
Me one of the spellbound
One of the awestruck
One trapped by names
Styles and expressions
Terms and verses
Disputes within the passages
I have read them
Devoured them with a hunger
That is almost a living thing
Forcing me to wolf them down
Like the glutton I am
Here we are yet again
Talking about my second home
Let me begin
On the drive there I get a tummy ache out of excitement
I know the way around like the back of my hand
You can never make me ask for help
I rush through the aisles on my electric wheelchair
I will not hesitate to run over other shoppers
I tell people I have diabetes so I don't have to walk
I mock the other shoppers for being so slow
After I'm finished I go to the garden section
I peer through the vines looking for a lady
I try not to look too shady
When I realize I'm out of their league I skip the line and get in my car
On the way home I down a beer
And try to stay sober so I don't hit a deer
God is the author I am The scholar with His book of rhymes in Psalms
Seen by many reaching for his arms this poetry of alms through sound
With eyes watching and minds learning sitting in awe while peering.
Cast not your thought’s into empty space but upon his book of grace
Traveling not down this dead end road on life's one way streets to nowhere
Be not deceived by silver or gold mankind's precious rocks and stones
For they shall stay after you pass away leaving nothing but man’s bones
After is the end of all life, before is the beginning of life that he created
As he spoke this world into existence he shall also silence mankind
Be not deceived by the death of man, reach out to the soul that lives on
Become a scholar offering to others what has been promised to all
Your silence comes after death but your voice can be heard through life
You are the Authors speaker speaking these sounds that they may be heard
Sing loud these words of Psalms from his poetry written down
This great creator of all words with harmony and grace though his word
God is the greatest poet of poetry with his sounds placed into Psalms
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