Need
I'm at a loss. I can't escape
It grips me as soon as I awake
The want the need I wish would go
I'm feeling weak I'm at a low
I never thought I would need a crutch
I never thought I'd need so much
How did I ever end up here
Not long ago my head was clear
I would ask for help but I'm ashamed
Of what I am my soul decayed
Destroyed by loss Destroyed by me
What will it take for me to free
My underlying want to feed
My soul destroying want to need
I am soul destroying black,
Life has painted me like that.
I no longer see the sun,
Nor starlight in its nightly run.
I live in achromatic gloom,
Caged by walls I cannot see.
No longer is there poetry,
Though I once new Calliope.
Fairest of all Muses,
Why hast thou forsaken me?
my dad's dad would tell him tales
from the war
so many strangers who fought
stories from ordinary men
who washed up heroes on the shore
he told my father
they were sold a dream
a golden scene
they'd save the world
at only nineteen
but no
that wasn't the case
bullets flew by overhead
like the planes dropping bombs
on unsuspecting nurses
preparing the beds at base
horrific
soul destroying, with men deploying
for politicians trying to save face
horrific
Mouth dry, face numb.
My eyes feel like exploding.
Back and forth between dark clouds,
halfway between heaven and hell.
I'm tired of fighting. I need a hand.
The feelings are toxic and soul destroying.
Trapped within the labyrinth of this betrayed mind,
I'm under attack from an unrepentant enemy.
Elements that speak of decay and decline.
A supernatural infused horror.
Snapped bones, smashed noses, inhumane experiments.
Human depravity and cruelty on such a vast scale.
Desperation, self destruction, exhuming loathing and fear.
Renouncing faith through vile persecution.
A sickening procedure that hasn't been without its casualties.
This is certainly no place for the faint of heart.
Yet, like a modern day Lazarus,
I continue to count my blessings each and every day.
Yes, this is the measure of my God given lot,
but nobody ever proclaimed that life was to be easy.
Persevering against the odds,
It's time to step out of the shadows.
Digesting truths, no more secrets.
Space to rebuild the Spirit.
Journeying towards acceptance and understanding.
Never allowing the darkness back into the realm.
Maybe that's why I'm a Survivor.
Gone are the splendours of simplicity
when youth and innocence did life portend;
now my days are filled by complexity
and sweet utopian dreaming at an end.
Thus I am not a man unversed in sin
nor a beguiled fool to splendorous love -
truly within I feel unforgiven
and each sober thought this reminds me of.
Soul-destroying are the long stolen years -
its conscious slow death, its visceral grief
that cheats me of all my passions and cares
and robs my identity like a thief.
I am alive and broke no hallowed vow
but cold the kiss of fate upon my brow.
Written: October 1991
A sad time for children in foreign parts
for they have no super stores to be lost and found in.
Sad for inflatable Santa's gunned down by B.B pellets.
For all the cute pets and reindeer that do not make
the fuzzy ‘feel good bit’ at the end of the 6 O’clock news.
I’m working on my happiness, not forcing anything,
being considerate
to people and their wrong opinions -
it’s what the baby Jesus would want.
While shopping,
I avoid those soul destroying yuletide jingles
by singing opera arias badly and very loudly.
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Tribulation always has been in the world!!
You can literally choose to rise above it.
Ever notice,there is agreement how
terrible life is, in a dark, black swirl?
Well, then, what are you going to do about it?
Dare to express joy or peace, my friend?
Your friends will send you emails about
how the sky is falling.
You, yes you, determines your joy that never ends.
As a poet, to lift souls, is a most divine, propitious calling,
Mind clutter as delivered by the media?
Endless, evil, totally soul destroying,
We are the ones listening rabidly to all
this, searching for life's answers in Google or Wikipedia?
Turn off the news,and discover life is still incredibly beautiful
and spiritually, quite soul- buoying!
Oh, do create miracles for others right now!
Do not crush souls, by being a negative media twin!
It's on our power as poets to lift souls
out of the mud, with the Spirit of Light, somehow!
July 22, 2020
Years of heartache
Living a soul-destroying life,
While being a child and
Somebodies wife.
Isolated from the world
Feeling trapped, but not kidnapped.
Found my way, I shall not sway
I know now, all will be okay.
Time to heal
Time to repair
Focused I am,
Now that I care.
Strong I am,
stronger than you,
with all that, I’ve been through.
I forgive, forgive for all
This is the new me
And this is my call.
Free I feel
No burden no more
I’m free to live
happy to the core.
Forgive those, who do bad
In the end, their life will
Be sad,
And a clear conscience
you will have.
Terabithia
The grief of loss, when death is the cost,
Is soul destroying, when you know they are gone.
We used to cross the water together;
We ran so fast in any weather.
We will have our place, forever and ever
And nothing will replace those memories.
We built a bridge to cross the river.
We created a land called Terabithia
And now I walk here with my sister,
Where once upon a time my love walked with me;
Now I only miss her.
I haven’t cried this hard in ages.
It breaks my heart to turn the pages.
I want to see beyond this end,
But the story has not finished yet.
I cannot talk to her anymore;
Where once we ran through our own world
And now she is gone, the beautiful girl.
The Dragon Flies that kept us safe; they are flying no more.
(C)2018 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
Trying to find your self worth is the most rewarding, yet the most soul destroying desire. You know there is something within you that is worth the search, but it seems so impossible to find.
~9/11/18~
A collection of ‘Love is…’ Poetry - Radio
Love is falling.
Love hurts.
Love is soul destroying,
Without her.
(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
It was late November, as I now remember,
In that fearful autumn as I lay in my room,
Dreaming of a lost love, a love now gone forever,
Whose body lies so still and quiet deep inside her tomb,
When I saw before me (oh, soul-destroying vision!)
The nightmare gates of Hell and all who therein dwell,
Sent as a warning by one within that prison,
Sent by her who’d loved me from out that burning Hell!
Writhing souls and flaming skies then spread out before my eyes;
Countless was their multitude, deafening were their cries!!
And I could see, as if a god, all, ALL their thoughts and memories,
Heard ALL their hopeless lamentations, felt ALL their agonies!!
Memories of a billion wasted empty lives flooded through my shattered mind,
While the screams and the pyres of a billion souls drove me deaf, DROVE ME
BLIND!!!!
Now I've been in this room ever since then.
I try to keep quiet, I try to be still,
Still as a tomb when the doctors come in.
One with a needle and one with a pill,
I sit very still in the room that I’m in,
The big room downstairs where they put the mad men.
(Sept. 12, 2016; Scare Me Good contest)
taunting oh the night
together move gracefully
soul destroying dawn
© Harry J Horsman 2015
Longing to have someone to share my life with
One special person just for me
Nobody around to love me for who I am
Everybody needs somebody
Living on my own is so difficult
I crave company… I just need someone to talk to
Never felt so alone and isolated
Envious of others who are in a relationship
Solitude is so soul destroying
Someday I will find someone to share my dreams… someday
10th May 2015
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