A sudden drizzle gushed along the street,
That I wiggled out , romping and playing
In my cotton jumpshirt as summer cooled,
To allow a downpour of monsoon rain.
Swerving through puddles where debris
Gathered around little tots' feet,
Our lithe bodies slip-skidded, glided
On a roller-coaster ride of muddy suds... what fun!
Then, I picked dingy ferns coiled by reeds,
Merrily smiling past waters, unclear…
Till Mom and Dad yelled "kids , clean up...”
O youth's play of bubble-pop made us blush.
Then soft winds crooned among the trees
Where only spellbound laughter can recall
This whimsical atmosphere: A time to reel,
To cherish the frolic in heat of summer days
Which spangled my childhood sprees aloft!
My basset puppy ran off with my essay
She even stole my mail
She cleaned out all the fridge
and wagged her funny tail
She went through all my papers
and threw them on the floor
Oh that crazy basset
She almost broke the door
I did not stop her
I wanted to find out more
And that is when I realized
Her tongue could clean the floor
She brought me so much joy
I really couldn't complain
This crazy basset dog of mine
Put sunshine into my life and kept away the rain
Whenever I was sad
She'd lay her cute head on my lap
She wouldn't eat or move
Until I took a nap
I couldn't believe my eyes
When she ran off with a broom
She skidded all over the tiles
And brought new meaning on to how to clean a room
I grew tired of those Montana mountains
was ready to give up that life for good
So I packed up my kit and kaboodle
and headed off to a new neighborhood
They loaded me onto this cattle car
went flying faster’n poop through a goose.
Then we skidded down in New York City
the place that is famous for their big fruit
That place was supposed to be all fast paced
I could hardly wait to see all the sights
But after three hours in the taxi
hadn’t found the place I was staying the night
As I was riding in that yellow car
the man said unemployment was real high
I was pretty sure he was joshen’ me
there‘s ‘help wanted’ at each place we went by
If there’s one thing I learned about that trip
if I should again get the itch to roam
I’ll just tuck my money into my mattress
cause it’s best to just keep my butt at home
I walked into my closet last week
dressed in naught but socks and underwear
I bent over to pick up my boots
surprise-- a furry creature was there
So I yelped and jumped back a few steps
I’ll say he nearly scared me to death
I flung my right work boot at him
after I had finally caught my breath
Well I missed him by a country mile
and he quickly scampered out the door
That’s when I took aim with my left boot
it thumped and skidded across the floor
I chased it round and round the kitchen
by now I’d armed myself with a broom
I swiped at it Wayne Gretsky style
sent it flying into the dining room
By now the dog had joined in the chase
we were set to show this mouse his tomb
When he ran into my wife’s office
while she was in a meeting on Zoom
Somehow I managed a screeching halt
No view of my boxers or the mouse
But my angry wife has banished me
from playing mouse hockey in the house
As for the mouse I have not a clue
just where he disappeared to that day
I hope he went home and told his kids
It’s too crazy here for them to stay
The sound of metal scraping on asphalt, echoed through the frosty morning air, as the trailer slid and skidded, leaving chaos and destruction there.
The semi-truck came hurtling fast, its trailer swerving, out of control, I felt the impact as it struck my car, a moment that shook my very soul.
My mind was racing, filled with fear, as I fought to keep control, the truck careening all around,a scene that was beyond my goal.
The trailer flipped, in slow motion it seemed, a moment is frozen in time, my heart was pounding, my breath was short, as I braced for what I feared was my last climb.
Though I walked away, the injuries were real, more than just a few bruises to reveal, my back was sprained, my pelvic bone cracked my life was forever changed, my future attacked.
Vlad Putin was dealing with state affairs
On his way back he skidded down the stairs
You could smell the foul gas
Cos' he ruptured his a.s.s
No get well wishes because nobody cares.
He'd fallen over and broke his a.s.s. bone
A guard rushed over when he heard a moan
Hard luck you commie jerk
Cos' it's karma at work
Start praying now for your sins and atone
Written on 2nd December 2022.
I read a poem of Hank’s and something caught me happy
Suddenly my own poem came flipping out of my mind.
She skidded down my nose and skipped onto the page, slip slappy.
I watched her progress; she was a marvelous new find.
The pig has flown, she said with a laugh. Shown, hone, cone, bone.
I would have to be an idiot not to follow her creative thinking.
Loan, groan, tone, zone I whispered; I wrote down pinecone and alone.
Let’s get it on paper quickly she urged me, her hazel eyes still winking.
Been running like the devil with his pants on fire.
Tearing up a rutted road with no spare tire.
Racing toward the sunset in a reckless mood
While the tension turns my knuckles white
And I grit my teeth, got no time to waste,
‘cause I’m still a quarter mile from a stale green light.
My baby called to say she needs a big, strong man.
I need to get there fast, you’ve got to understand.
Skidded ‘cross some black ice on a hair-pin curve;
Almost took a short domestic flight,
But I can’t let up, no I can’t slow down,
‘cause I’m still a quarter mile from a stale green light.
It could change to yellow in a heartbeat.
A change to red just wouldn’t do,
But my baby has me colorblind.
I’m comin’ through.
Her mother’s getting slapped around.
You know it just ain’t right.
The ******* she’s been with is goin’ down tonight.
Ain’t no Sunday driver. I’m a man on fire,
‘cause I’m still a quarter mile from a stale green light.
It was a good morning until I went to the bathroom and fell,
slipped and skidded across the floor in my hubby's hair gel.
In pain, I tried descending the stairs to scramble some eggs,
but I tripped on my dog's chew toy, and broke both my legs.
I got home from the hospital, sporting two knee high casts.
Suddenly, my house trembled from thunderously loud blasts.
I turned on the TV news to discover what the cause could be,
and saw the warning; a supercell twister headed right for me!
I couldn't hobble to the cellar. In my eyes, tears began to well.
I screamed as my roof blew off. This day is a nightmarish hell!
Everything I owned had been destroyed, and when help arrived,
Someone softly said, "No one inside could've possibly survived."
February 15, 2021
It Was a Good Morning Until...
Contest hosted by Tania Kitchin
There was a plumber called Billy O'Toole
Hired a dimwit who turned out quite a fool
Soil pipe he didn't secure
There was a stench of manure
And all the downstairs became a cesspool.
The owner came back and said" whats that smell? "
By his face he was angry you could tell
The dimwit ran for the door
But then skidded on the floor
And face down into raw sewage he fell.
Written 28th November 2020
Make Me Laugh with Some Humor - Any Form - New Poems Poetry Contest.
Sponsored by Tania Kitchin.
A fine August day to be a dragon, Blackberry thought
He was playing in the sun with his friends, the forget me knots
Nasty Blueberry dragon had been kind of mean to them,
So Blackberry Dragon showed he was truly their friend.
About three o’clock the wind changed everything
The snap dragons hid, and the robins left with a zing.
The sky turned dark, and the day turned terribly gray.
Blackberry Dragon saw Kraken Storm Dragon right away.
Oh no! He said to no one as they had all left.
She is coming fast, and she looks bereft.
Kraken skidded to a stop just over his head.
I’m bringing lightning, she said, and you’re dead.
Blackberry Dragon was scared in a big way.
She was a meanie, and she did not play.
But Luck Dragon returned and took her down.
and the sky turned light, losing all its brown.
The forest cheered, hoping Kraken was gone.
But she had a sister, and it would not be long…
Until sister came by to ask about her sibling.
The whole forest began their fib-ling.
O'Dowd
An old hunter by the name of O'Dowd
Shooting tigers for fun made him feel proud
Had trouble with his gun
There was no time to run
Now lies covered on a slab with a shroud..
Jed
There was a frisky old man known as Jed
Took red pills so he wouldn't end up dead
But his notes were misread
He got blue ones instead
Now no longer does he fall out of bed...
Meat Pie
You ever thought what goes in a meat pie
I'll tell you and its no word of a lie
See the finest of meat
Is stray cats off the street
So give it serious thought 'fore you buy...
The Milkmaid
A milkmaid worked on a farm on Dartmoor
Had long blonde hair and her skin was so pure
Late for work she did hurry
Failed to see some fresh slurry
She skidded and went face down in manure...
Surfing
Some young lads went for a surf in the dark
To them it was a just a bit of a lark
But in the moonlight
They had a great fright
When they spotted the giant fin of a shark...
Written 23 August 2020
BIN JAMAL
A pervert by the name of Bin Jamel
Was charged with bizarre sex with a mammal
the charges were read
Bin Jamal went red
Cos the charge was bonking a fat camel...
JOHNNY McGOOS
Did you hear about young Johnny McGoos
Had a misfortune regarding his shoes
The neighbours dog left a load
In the middle of the road
He missed it and skidded on doggy doos...
OLD FREDDIE
Old Freddie was choping wood from a tree
Was hurrying to get home for his tea
It didn't end well
He let out a yell
Missed the branch and the axe stuck in his knee...
BILL BEST
A young man by the name of Bill Best
Thought he'd put his girlfriend to the test
But she shattered Bill's dream
When she started to scream
They had layed down on top of an ants nest...
THE JOCKEY
A horse jockey was in the steeplechase
Was galloping at a very fast pace
He misjudged the tall jump
Hit the ground with a thump
Was left with egg and fresh mud on his face...
Written 29th July 2020.
I came upon a spring so fresh and clear
Water washed the pebbles clean
Tiny fish swam so happy and free my dear
Shimmering in the sun gills all a glean
And I closed my eyes and reached down low
A searching for a pebble not a stone
To propel across the waters’ surface all aglow
I the master caster all alone
It felt just right I closed my eyes
I turned my hand a bit sidewise
It skipped across the springs clear edge
Remarkable as if it were possessed
And revolved itself in the whirlpool
A hapless pebble skipped back to a fool
I cast it out but again in awe I watched
It skidded the surface a marvel unmatched
A wondrous sight to my eyes alone
A pebble skipper quite at home.
There was a young fellow called Joe
Who loved to play out in the snow
But he skidded on ice
Somersaulted twice
And broke all three bones in his elbow.
February 16th 2018.
Entered in walking in the snow contest
Sponsored by Kevin Shaw.
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