Shysters Poems | Examples

Christmas Is No Picnic

Christmas in the desert is different you see.
If there is a sandstorm, the camel rolls into a C.
The presents get buried and may never be found.
A desert Christmas is probably not the best around.

Christmas in the Arctic can be nearly as bad as well.
Polar bears sometimes take the packages to sell.
They are shysters, and swindlers, and thieves too.
They’ll eat meats and candies sent to you.

Christmas in the rainforest is no picnic I say.
Pumas and leopards will swipe presents away.
And if a python has your gifts around the neck.
It’s best to run away yelling “Oh, my, heck!”

A New Start For America

Out with infighting and lack of general respect,
Let’s restore our Congressional reputation
Rank partisanship and grandstanding
While padding their own coffers, I expect!

Let’s rid ourselves of all the current trolls
“Let’s throw the bums out,” it has been said,
Not a one of them worth saving, I suspect.
Better off with zombies at the controls.

Let’s start by ditching Mitch; Pelosi, too,
Right down to the bottom of the barrel
Grifters, the shysters, and arrogant fools
Send McCarthy and Schumer to Timbuktu.

Greene, and Gaetz, and dummy Gohmert
Publicity hounds and holier-than-thous
Let’s start with a clean slate this year
Out with Cruz, Cotton, and Lauren Boebert.

Repubs and Dems—all those fat cats alike,
We need to start with a clean slate now
Hire those who will make government run
Let’s tell Madison Cawthorn to take a hike.

All of them! – I’ve just named a very few
But I can’t think of a single one I’d keep,
Clear out the entire House and the Senate
We need to clean up this despicable zoo! 

HONORABLE MENTION
"Religion or Politics No. 7" Poetry Contest
All Poetry.com
April 24, 2022
Written April 9, 2022

Outlaws

The best artists are outlaws
Vandalizing our sanctity,
Our sanctimonious freight trains,
Our parsimonious neglect.

The best artists are culprits
Chiseling our school desks,
Scraping our bathroom stalls,
Doodling our notebooks.

Graffiti spray paints the struggle,
Scribbling defaces the pretense,
Defilement arrests the complacent,
Disfigurement sullies the platitude.

Defacers embody the dialectic,
The opposition to conformity,
The betrayal of uniformity,
The rebellion against authority.

The best artists are pariahs,
Trashing our temples,
Tossing out our moneychangers,
Driving out our shysters.

Some Unsolicited Advice

Turn off the alarm before you unlatch,
Don't count your chickens before they hatch
No two snowflakes, they say, ever match
Sneaky shysters are very hard to catch,
Don't ruin torn jeans with a brand new patch
If your taffy won't stretch, try a new batch.

Written September 6, 2021

Double Your Moolah

Start with a penny, double your money each day
Takes 27 days to become a millionaire, they say
Who are these “they” guys
And how come they're so wise
Real shysters, it can't be true, no way!!!

Double Your Moolah

Start with a penny, double your money each day
Takes 27 days to become a millionaire, they say
Who are these “they” guys
And how come they're so wise
Real shysters, it can't be true, no way!!!

Double Your Moolah

Start with a penny, double your money each day
Takes 27 days to become a millionaire, they say
Who are these”they” guys
Got gunk in their eyes
Real shysters, it can't be true, no way!!!

Joys

21 Aug 2017 - Sonnet

When all the joys you ever chased in life
were bait that NEVER came without a hook -
high-market hucksters charming you with fifes
that drove thirst mad (and all done by the book),
the heart seems more a handle and a hook,
and less a dancing fountainhead of joy,
an open door for shysters, whores, and crooks
to dazzle you with bright and shiny toys.
What sort of life are men supposed to live?
Are we the brute-faced cattle of the rich,
well muzzled, grain they're disinclined to give
kept back since our true fate is just a ditch?
Or are we all Salome, shaking tail
to sell ourselves, and others, straight to Hell?

~

Perspective

If mosquitoes ate fat
instead of blood
there would be rows
of overweight people
laying out at night
like beached whales
coated in oily attractants
hoping they present
a savoury snack
soon salons would offer 
overnight specials
"Lose While You Sleep"
shysters would schill
packets of special eggs
"Bred To Suck Harder"
until the fad fades
with the discovery
of some previously unknown
disease for which mosquitoes
are the unwitting vector
however ...
mosquitoes suck blood
(like salesmen)

18 Brumaire

(On November 9, 1799 Napoleon Buonaparte
launched his coup d'etat in Paris.  It made
him a dictator, and corrupted him beyond
salvation.  18 Brumaire was the date of the
coup, by the revolutionary calendar in use
at the time.)

As climbing greasy poles habitually goes, 
this wasn't (one must say) exactly polished. 
To be roughed-up – but by politicos! 
Can't blame them: no-one likes to be abolished 
(especially not these ego-bloated shysters!) 
What else? Oh, in a paroxysm of rage, 
in distant climes, eccentric Kapellmeisters 
were gouging (scoring?) through a music page. 

For all his smiling talk of ease and glee 
(tomorrow), his eloquent implorings, 
unfailingly, this moment always comes. 
The pipes are always drowned by the drums. 
and that sleek sloop named self-regard so sleazily 
slips free of all that nurtured it – its moorings.

The Dating Game

If you like adventure you will like Match.com,
But many of them you won’t want to take home to meet your Mom.
Each guy you see is a brand new slate.
It's like an interview, looking for a potential soulmate.

Some dates have a good sense of humor and seem great,
Then some on the first date have been real cheapskates!
I’ve had some dates that I could not wait to leave,
As they whined about their ex, wearing their heart on their sleeve.

One professor met me on the first date with roses, and was so sweet.
But I discovered he had a love for his drink, and I couldn’t compete.
There have been school administrators, men in business, and sales,
Some that seem very easy-going, and some as tough as nails.

One of the most interesting by far was a farmer…
Living a country life with his animals, he was a real charmer.
There are many shysters on match too, pretending to be single,
But married… and just looking to intermingle.

There are those that are looking for money that are crooks,
That will wine you and dine you with their good looks.
To protect yourself, get a background report before you date,
Then you don’t have to wonder if you will meet an inauspicious fate.

Political Scatology

Thankfully, the mid-term elections have come and went.
Thankfully, we'll suffer no more TV ads related to that event.

Thankfully, we'll not receive any more phone calls from politicians.
Thankfully, we'll receive no more mailers outlining their positions.

Thankfully, the prognosticators will find something more productive to do.
Thankfully, we'll hear no more political twaddle for another year or two.

Wouldn't it be novel if the promises made by those shysters came true,
Or will it be politics as usual and 'twas only undiluted scatology they spew!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) 2014 All Rights Reserved

Mall Shysters' Magic

mall shysters’ magic

for the more mature women. . . 

face lifts in bottles


Written 7/22/14
 for PD's One Solo EPIC Senryu or Haiku- In A Bottle - Poetry Contest

Baloney

Baloney….
Bully others cause by masters strength and poses.
Fall your faces and first to grounds because dirt may good.
Filthy men have nothing pretty only there may be forces and might confer or hired from masters.
China tyrant some with china shysters take the tastes of swine.
China jester out on life is like a snob to live and count.
China flunky henchman wants a lot.
Who will seek their fringe benefits shamelessly?
Things that Indeed are buying also selling tickets but there are illegal fringe benefits. There are cook account books. Credit accounts mixed with some debit one is blend for self interests.
China syllogisms want the real of wars and loot of spoils.
What to fit in china tyrants wishes are evil men with evil acts.
-------------Cheung Shun Sang=Cauchy3----------

Planned Obsolescence

You must have heard of “planned obsolescence”
But manufacturers say it ain't so
A devious mind surely thought this one up
Must be absolutely rolling in dough!

An automobile could be made to last forever
If these guys would play by the book
But once they discovered the money involved
They're decidedly hopelessly hooked

And what about toner for your printing machine
Imagine if it lasted a lifetime
You could buy a yacht with the money you save
You don't have to be an Einstein

To figure out what these shysters are doing
Their bottom line is all that's important
So what if they have to be a wee bit underhanded
It's disgusting and absolutely abhorrent

Well hello, great masters of devious deceit
We're on to your tricks and games
But we carry on with our thumb up our bum
We've only ourselves to blame!


© Jack Ellison 2013

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