Short Kosher Poems

Pretty black woman
I talked a bit to her
Should I keep kosher?...

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women did not travel alone
it was not done in 1856
not kosher or safe
which is why she left at dawn
to travel west to become a mail-order bride...

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In King Herod's Antipasto Test
Salome's Salami came out best
Though John lost his head
Her, "King's Kosher Spread"
Was heads and tails above all the rest!...

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If you love eating pickles,

cause on your tongue they tickle,

eat a large kosher dill,

oh green juice, don't you spill,

for down your chin it trickles....

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Orange marmalade jam
may be quite tasty on ham
   Yet I prefer gravy
   on roast leg of lamb



  Laugh out loud! I keep kosher.
  What do I know about ham?!...

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When was the last time 
  you heard "butter brickle"
or saw the hammer and sickle

I'll bet you a wooden nickel
  it's about the last time
you ate a non-kosher pickle!...

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There once was a man who loved garlic dill
Holding them in his hand gave him a thrill
Doorknobs are fermented
With garlic tormented
His wallet and all of his precious bills  ...

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For those of us who can't eat pork
    or non-kosher birds, like a stork 

  We've suffered for decades reading Green Eggs 'n Ham, 'n
    Dr. Suess, please change that Ham, 'n to Sam, 'n...

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My kid gets smarter every day
She queries in a thoughtful way:
"Are two M.D.'s a paradox?
Are kosher fish in spring 'May lox'?"
"Go ask your Mom". She says, "I did!
She said to ask another kid"....

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This man in Brooklyn named Isadore,
some big sandwiches he would adore.
Corned beef and pastrami,
and kosher salami.
He can’t fit in his clothes anymore.


Who says a limerick has to be Irish?...

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I certainly enjoy a delicious ham on rye ut  
Yet my father used to shop often at the kosher butcher 
There was one pretty woman there 
Whom I felt really good about seeing 
But she was married 
Damn it!...

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When did it become kosher to show your butt
Jeans hanging down showing your you-know-what
The crack in your hide
And the hairiness besides
Should be a law to control these guys as they strut...

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When the Internet goes down, it's basically over
Gives permission to injure the neighbor's dog Rover
Other things are permitted
Such as infidelity committed
But murder's off-limits cause that's not kosher...

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When did it become kosher to show your butt
Jeans hanging down showing your you-know-what
The crack in your hide
And hairiness besides
Should be a law to control these guys as they strut


© Jack Ellison 2015...

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the heart is not kosher
the mind is a carb
the blood is alcoholic. 
                              .i'm sick.
           .you're crazy.
intention is lazy
direction is hazy
lost in a mAzE I Owe U
              (sometimes, whY?)...

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the sweet season is never over
as long as the fruit is sweet
as long as the meat is juicy
the tenderness of it all is so fulfilling
makes me want to jump right into the clouds and take in the blue sky from up close
the main reason is forever kosher...

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Ketchup


Keen tastes tomato sauce
Kosher on near all foods
Knockout drenched on french fries
Kindred to the mustard
Kept recapped in the fridge
King size bottle a must
Kindly pass the ketchup

3/9/2017



Pleiades K - Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Kim Merryman...

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There's a cute gentile pig lives in New York
Pleasingly plump, she's a fine piece of pork
   Shows a Rabbi her knuckles
   Rabbi's knees, they do buckle
Says, 'I'd eat you, but I've just kosher forks'



          July 16, 2019
  Entry: State Limerick Contest
       Sponsor: Kevin Shaw...

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My dog chews through cars
And houses and ditches
My dog chews through underwear
Spitting out delicate stitches

My dog chews through anything moldy or kosher
My dog Buddy chews like the blades of a dozer
We love him no matter that he just ate the house
At least it got rid of the cat and a mouse...

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'A Tale of Two Weeps'
       ~ 'Limerick-Style'* ~ 
 
Sarah Palin met Kamala Harris in a bar, said
I'm kinda wond'rin,' lady, just how you are
  Kamala broke down
  A tear fell in her beer
Replied, if I weren't holdin' back, this drink here would drown



_________________________________________________
*'Limerick-Style' is to 'Limerick' as 'a ham sandwich is to a 
   kosher pickle.'...

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Salt of the earth
Salt of the sea

Paid in salt

Salt without fries
Salt without pepper

Cubes
Grains
Packets

Kosher
Pink
Liver

Condiment

Old fish wife's tale cure
for cramp
Fast forward to today
Comes with a health warning
apparently bad for you

Salt is the greatest metaphor
for life

For salt is everywhere

Osmosis

8th March 
For Anthony Biaanco
Salt Poetry Contest...

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sugar brown and onion powder
garlic, cumin make it louder
smoked paprika, kosher salt
pepper red, too hot? my fault
rub it down into the meat
overnight the flavors seep
throw it in the smoker early
fragrant wisps all white and curly
swirling round that butt for hours
magical transforming powers
gloriously crunchy, dark
the delicious outer bark
when it’s done, out slides the bone
time to eat! you’re on your own…...

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There are numerous kosher wines, and they are usually sweet.
Without them, a Passover seder meal cannot be complete.
Among the flavors of wines are blackberry.
Another popular kind is made with elderberry.
If you want a sweet red wine, choose cherry.
Sweet cream concord comes as both dark and white.
Anyone can make a selection that is right.
As long as any rabbi considers them kosher,
they can be served at any Passover seder.
...

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Used to cook delicious kosher lamb chops 
Played the piano - classical and pop 
We all got to sing at times 
Shot hoops into his seventies 
The way people used to shoot them 
I mean set shots 
Listened to the Eddie Fischer song about his father the other day 
Broke down in tears
But I must continue on 
Our fate is to leave this blue earth 
and face eternity 
Someone is missing 
who brought music to many 
who lamented the Holocaust in his later years 
Someone is missing...

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Past the bodegas 
the House of Sages 
    Past the children playing 
in the yard 
Past the drugstore 
     chains
Past the basketball 
hoops - - which remind 
    me 
of a class at Brooklyn College 
Past the ice cream trucks 
   and the kosher bakery 
Past the supermarkets 
   Hearing people 
discuss old politics 
   I head to my home 
The Lower East Side 
    seeing my friends, avoiding my enemies 
   Looking for peace - as night falls  
        on Losaida - my home on the Lower East Side...

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