Short Jerden Poems

a freak accident

hit by frozen leaking waste

      now six feet under


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  Contest: Everyone Poops
     Sponsor: Roy Jerden...

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All will pass away
Test of time lay unendured
Potter too is clay



12/19/2014
Contest: East Jesus
Sponsor: Roy Jerden...

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I once knowed a poet named Jerden
Who ain't atall stuck on his wordin'
    If they judge 'em unsound
    He may nudge 'em around
And don't atall find it a burden

February 24, 2016...

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Alliteration is awesome;
thanks to thee
it effortlessly erases evidence
of spoonerisms.

Spooky.



Written February 29th, 2016
For the Spoonerisms Contest hosted by Roy Jerden...

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There once was a cougar named Rose

who kept the young men on their toes.

Working in her garden

they'd say "beg your pardon

I'll bet you could use a good hose!"



for Bawdy Limericks Two contest
sponsored by Roy Jerden...

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A Doctor from Old Millinocket
Used his teeth on her bush to crop it
Alas all that he felt
Was a chastity belt
And neither of them could unlock it.

John G. Lawless
6/16/2014

for Roy Jerden
Bawdy Limerick II contest...

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No big deal






Lot of time bushed in the washroom,
His mind was stuck in colonic loops,
Painfully shy was the young groom,
What big deal when everyone poops !





Written July 28th, 2015
For contest by Roy Jerden...

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There was an old lady called Jeanette.
Who wiggled in line for a toilette.
        She said, "I can't wait!
        I fear it's too late.
And my bottoms a bit more than wet."



Everyone poops contest
 By Roy Jerden





....

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In her skirt, she swang high in the air.

Said her boyfriend: “I see underwear!”

Sally just shook her head

and then laughingly said:

"But I’ve got nothing on me down there!"



Written June 21, 2014

For the Bawdy Limericks II Poetry Contest of Roy Jerden...

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Roaming around





Proud of her passionate lover,
Fearless she relished to hover,
Caught one day in a mess,
Crazy not to confess,
How long could stay under cover ?



Limerick- aabba
8/8/6/6/8
Written November 17th,2014
For contest by Roy Jerden...

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Destiny brought them extremely close,
Emotional flame highest arose,
Big tummies failed to kiss,
Cherished moments piped hiss,
Better obese as appetite froze !





Limerick - 9/9/6/6/9
Written on 27/5/14
Contest- Bawdy, Bawdy, Bawdy, Miss clawdy
Sponsor- Roy Jerden...

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There once was a lady from France
Who sometimes would prancingly dance.
One day, it is said.
She fell on her head.
By chance, she now lives in a trance.

Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest: Limericks Clean and Clever - Poetry Contest
Sponsor	Roy Jerden

November 22, 2014...

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Two autos both tried to have sex.
A pity they both were such wrecks!
With great apprehension,
One lost its suspension.
Old banger sex – oh so complex!


12~21~14
Contest: East Jesus
Sponsor: Roy Jerden
Checked using how many Syllables 8,8,6,6,8
~awarded 3rd place~...

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Wilma cried, “We are going too slow!”
But poor Flintstone could no faster go.
Not because of a flat. 
No, for nothing like that.
It was just Fred had stubbed his big toe!

Written Nov. 14, 2014 
For the Limerick Clean and Clever Contest of Roy Jerden
Yabba Dabba DOO!!!! And Boo Hoo Hoo!!!...

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Oft I turn to my friend Doc Mc Neish
When depressed; he just says: Eat a quiche
Hear me out; do not scoff
Missus got barking cough
His advice: Put her quick on a leash!


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10th November 2014
Contest: Limericks Clean and Clever
Sponsor: Roy Jerden...

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There once was a big bloke of a poke
fella’s mom screw’d him if he'd cocke
Hard games still he play’d  
Lil' stick not he let stray’d
went in and came quickly as a stroke


Limerick, 5 lines syllable count 9,9,6,6,9
Rhyme Scheme: aabba
Date write: 10.06.2014
Contest Bawdy Limerick II
Sponsor:Roy Jerden...

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Seven hours now since the curry last night
made a dash for the bathroom as something's not right
amidst the burning and pain and occasional squeals
right now I know just how a piping bag feels


Sailing very close to the wind for contest
 'Everyone poops', sponsored by Roy Jerden.
27th July 2015...

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I once heard of a fisher Luciano,
  who sang bass as he played on his piano.
  Once he fished and cast his line
  by mistake hooked his behind
  since that day, when he plays he sings soprano.

  How many syllables.com
  11, 11, 7, 7, 11
  
  11.11.2014
  Sponsor Roy Jerden
  Limericks Clean and Clever...

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A gent from the South Scottish Isles
had terribly painful large piles
when he tried to sit down
he would grimace and frown
soft cushions he hoards in big piles!


syllable counter used 'how many syllables' 8,8,6,6,8
11~11~ 2014
poem revised for contest 18~11~14
Contest:Limericks Clean and Clever
Sponsor: Roy Jerden...

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And those were the times of our lives,
the late nights and restless dives...
Hope given one shot at a time,
a nickel a tale, a lie for a dime.

And those were our lives of the times,
a charade with partners in crime,
the fading of twilight's last beams
as we watch the waning of dreams...

© Brandon Watson and Roy Jerden
July 6, 2015...

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A very old vessel lined with gold
They tell me it is very old
Within each crack a story told
To fix this treasure mighty bold
And from destruction's door paroled
A new master work to behold
Its future now is not foretold
A keepsake to forever hold
This old vessel all lined with gold

Written 12Jan14 for contest Kintsukuroi sponsored by Roy Jerden...

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Lean beauty a charming craze,
           Can size zero set ablaze ?
             Closer beat the heat,
             Soulful not just meat,
      More than handful goes a waste!







Bawdy limerick - 7/7/5/5/7
Written on 23/6/14
Sponsor- Roy Jerden
Contest- Bawdy limericks - II

Ranked 3rd


Now for contest - Any poem of the week #10
Sponsor- PD A
Entered Today dated 26/6/14
 
Ranked 3rd...

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Pet called Kat “very angry wasp thing”
Kat said if she’s waspish mind her sting
“Do you wear it in tail?”
“In tongue, if talk of tales”
“What, with my tongue in your tail to wring”

                           +++++++

Inspired by Shakespeare’s  “The Taming of the Shrew”, a wooing scene between
Petruchio and Katherine.

May 13, 2014
Form:Limerick
Fourth Place Win
Contest: Bawdy Miss Clawdy by Roy Jerden...

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She’s too titty to be a preacher.
She can’t even bead a rook.
A rental deceptionist?  Maybe.
At my teeth she once look a took.

As a wean clerker, she’ll never do.
I once caught her nicking her pose.
She doesn’t even hash her wands.
And she chews the tails off her nose!

For this lad sass, I see joe knob.
No mouse or honey has she.
Her life has not one pun fart!
I’m glow sad I’m shot knee.

Written march 25, 2016 for the Contest of Roy Jerden...

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The dense fog drapes all like a soft wool shawl
Morn's sun tries to peek through silver gray clouds
But those game roosters crow long_their pride show
God's creatures sing praise some soft_others loud
Rippled clouds (like sands upon a beach lands)
Float upon the eastern sky enshrouded
Caught up in this dense damp fog_ rain's evidence  

Kipling Style Work
First try at this stlye
Sponsor: Roy Jerden
Contest: In The Kipling Manner
Written by: Sara Kendrick...

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