Sipping her tea without any visible relish,
Her crumpled bag of shopping at her tired feet,
Alone she sits in the cafe and isolatedly apart
Stranded in her sorrowful sea of sadness
Only to raise momentarily her sightless eyes
At the sound of the peripheral trivial vivacity
Portending the levity of another tomorrow
Before relapsing into her inward gaze
To consider not the future but endless eternity.
That picture echoed in her hollowed out cheeks
Her funereal clothes, lacklustre look and lifeless lethargy
Spelling out a life no longer enjoyable
More of a sentence to be endured.
She drags herself out of her chair
Gathering her belongings together
For her unsteady exit
To enter upon the remaining days
Of her final moribund pilgrimage
I'm surpassing my limits imagine the vision,
Of grasping intentions to master existence,
A savage I've witnessed bedazzled by gimmicks,
I laugh but I meant this I ask for forgiveness,
My past interventions were passion resentments,
Relapsing and quitting soul nagging from interest,
So sad had to end this what I had is not a friendship,
My mask being lifted surpassing my limits,
Within found a Light there my Savior waiting right there,
As I prayed to It found a way to It cause ego never fights fair,
It's my only weapon in Spirit small voice at times I can't hear it,
But It told me to not fear It just persevere and come near It,
With one step I start coming to a slow jog now I'm running,
Can't procrastinate cause I want It with fascination I'm hunting,
My imagination undaunted to face the demons that haunt it,
With a small knot in my stomach surpass my limits I'm coming!
Cinnamon and smoke;
The cologne I taste
all over your neck
it swims in my mind;
Intoxicating;
Phantom smells
just out of reach,
Aromatics;
I’m relapsing;
Ravenous
withdrawal
consumes me
I drown
inside
you.
Woke early from bed, picked up the daily reader right away
To keep those insidious cravings at bay
After that I knew just what to do
I picked up the phone and called my sponsor too
We talked about the na program and some of things she said
Helped to clear those nagging cravings in my head
For some reason my mind goes to addiction
Making up stories that are purely fiction
It tells me to pick up a drug
That always yanks out the rug
Beneath my freshly clean feet
And if I use I will feel defeat
Sponsor said do the next right thing
And examine my motives before relapsing
Into a world of darkness and gloom
I do not want to go there so I make room
To do what I know is best
Practice the program with a little Zest
By the time the conversation ended
A solid plan was mended
I became of use today
And because of that stayed away
From the evil I’m accustomed to
Replacing it with service to do
My daily activities of life
Feeling no more or little strife
My Thoughts On Protests
(No Matter the Reason)
Miracle Man’s Opinion
6/4/2020
Spring has sprung and temperature is rising,
silly season is here and protest’s become energizing.
It’s a time to air any first amendment whines,
many gather in hordes, some carry indecent signs.
Anarchist never let a peaceful protest go to waste,
they pillage, loot, and leave property defaced.
Seems today we’re relapsing to the past time of fools,
when the man who held the stick made up the rules.
Days are found littered with turmoil and unrest,
and each sunrise brings, something new to protest.
The media isn’t conducive to restful hours of sleep,
when our dreams are exclusively ours to keep.
The English proverb, “The best things in life are free”,
wasn’t meant to infer that you can take it from me.
Smart minds seek solutions for the fix we’re in,
overlooking the deep rooted cause- man’s collective sin.
Relapsing Vacation
They say change of air be good
They don’t quite know about me
Thought to catch sunrise at ridge
Then, what if its just like any other
Thought to take a stroll on beach
Gosh, what if tide is always high
Thought will pick a few souvenirs
Gee, wonder where to keep them all
Thought will buy gifts for some
And, what about others, I can’t
They say vacation will be relaxing
They don’t quite know about me
I’m learning now that the fears always grow
The idea of myself becoming so low
Relapsing into an older side of me
To which I have and hold the key
Yet life doesn’t always go as planned
As people leave, I become unmanned
Due to the anchor which held me here
I can’t help fear the fear which which pushed me so near
Near to brink of extinguishing my existence
Holding ones life in the palm of your hand
Through different methods you eventually understand
That your life is so fragile more so than yourself
As it only takes a few seconds to destroy oneself
To cease to exist and cease to be
The everlasting satisfaction of eternal peace
This is the prize of despair, the prize of letting go
The prize you have to deny while secretly wishing it to grow
Your hidden secret that nobody knows
The desire to die is always there
During the good and bad it needs to be handled with care
Otherwise i’ll slip and with it i’ll fall
Into a place where there is no more
Looking at it now, I see it’s twist,
Revolve, sit back, corner, stand tall,
The passion of tinge,
Direct in it’s senses.
But the feelings I feel now are senseless,
Dire, despair, dread, demonic,
Excuses made, guilt held, rewind I may?
Trusting a vision, but hue-less seen.
In the morning I’ll see it,
Direct in gaze, indirectly,
For powerless, but a peon I am, one among,
Drifting ever slowly, sea-less, un-driven.
In only vague emotion I’ll take it in,
Sheltered, relapsing, patterns of lemon,
Breathe in the only color that makes me blue,
And fall over, edge-less, but gone and gone.
sweet old lady with the oxygen tank
telling me stories with morals that i would never even think to think of
i keep her company at times when the pain of her regrets become too much
i keep her from relapsing on the addictive drug of herself
i do not dwell on her self damage
rather, i focus more on what she wants to do next
right now she wants to take a short walk down the sidewalk and back
together, we wave at everybody and make their day in some way
we then walk back home where you collapse on the sofa and eventually fall asleep
however this time you did not wake up
your stories will now become legends in every part of heaven
i will live my life by the sweet inspiration of you forever
you were like a blossoming flower inspiring me to bloom and grow
when god called you Home, it did not give me a blow
instead it gave me Hope for one day your memory will be on a mighty pedestal
sweet old lady with the oxygen tank
i breathe life for the long overdue preservation of you
Polyphagia on board is forbidden and not welcome ---------- when
Everybody knows that should we ran out of food ---------- crickets
Probably will not feed us anyhow and most of us will ---------- cry
Pensive about victuals whilst starving madly. No ---------- seamen
Ever should go through famine. That's why we must ---------- stop
Relapsing into gluttony in this ship. I approve of ---------- yodeling.
Pepper spray is going to be one of the ---------- calamities
Any glutton will endure as a punishment. Thus, ---------- every
Real seafarer will chant these words now: ---------- "Bearded
Captain wants no fressing within his ship! Yes, ---------- captain!
Every single gob will ration the food. Frugality is a ---------- must!
Lashes and pepper spray those who fail shall ---------- undergo!"
i take a bite to a thing called "life"..
sweetness...
shared with friends and families
on occassions where there are joys
though it doesn't involves toys...
bitterness..
as failures, disappointments flows..
at times sanity and mind blows
for it leaves tears and sorrows...
face-to-face with these maladies..
dear, let me be your one & only lady..
i don't have silver nor gold
nor do i have a hot body or beauty..
all i can assure is my deepest sincerity..
and of a heart containing purity...
stay by my side, i'll try to abide..
lifting your downcasted hurt pride..
together, we will share a slide..
dancing on waves until relapsing tide..
i will not speak...
nor will i try to peek .
those crumbling emotions at peak..
let it fall, make them weak...
i will share my strength..
i will render my care..
i will try to shine a light..
in your world, you said to be dark..
as the wind beats against me, you cover me,
the storm too trecherous to withstand, you hold me in place,
and with your awesome hand you extend to me grace,
messing up once, than twice, and over again,
but still you brace my heart and gently take my hand,
where did i go? i ask myself as my heart begins to fade,
how could i forget relapsing again to remember the foundations you've laid,
your stillness quiets my soul, and your comfort once again sets in,
forgetting the sorrow, your peace makes me whole, leaving behind all rotten sin,
as the light enters in im safe, and i view your powerful mercy,
the love you give can match no other, through you no one can hurt me.
In Real Life
By Nathan Hannen
Cold and Wind, Ice and Snow, Freezing everything I know
Something and nothing, Everything to show, Wind taking everything to go
Contemplating guilt, Buried to the hilt, A thousand tears are spilt
Ticking and elapsing, Infrastructures collapsing, All the while a constant relapsing
People talking and laughing, Times walk by passing, Years amassing
Systems of hate and love, Ever flying above, The winding flight of a dove
What is real life?, A painful battle of and through strife, Or a story told in so many
ways, Its rife
The End.
Broken promises
Dagger through the heart
Silent heaving sobs
Why did it start?
Healing wounds
Comforting words
Relapsing Pain as
Photos return.
Haunting love
Tainting its name
Dagger through the heart
Overwhelming shame.
I play with razors
I watch it bleed
I help it scar
I keep it close,
So you might never know
I'm relapsing again,
Hold on tight
You’ll regret that night
But anyways,
Back to that
Better hold on tight
That’s right,
Hold on tight
I’m relapsing tonight
Yeah, it’s so cute
It’s so cute,
When you pretend to care
It breaks my heart every time
You’re a good actor
But I’m better
It’s so cute,
It cuts like a knife
Sew it up tight
Take a deep breath,
I’m relapsing tonight
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