Sitting on my couch TV on
Nothing on, don’t even care
I take a drink of water
I am now grasping for air
Run to my wife hands to my throat
Fear in my eyes, what do I do
She sits me down, calls 911
Quick as a flash I’m in ICU
Pneumonia is what they say I had
The water pushed phlegm to my lungs
My throat got blocked
The results were bad
The room across the hall
His light turns blue
Nurses and Drs run to his side
Damn, this could have been you
The scene goes quiet, not even a sound
The Drs and nurses standing around
Once again I am faced with the question
Why does GOD keep me around
The dinner was ready, all handled with care,
when she opened the box with the nice silverware.
She let out a sigh
then started to cry
'cause a fork was no longer there.
Up jumped her husband as quick as a flash
and, bringing a torch, hurried out to the trash.
He did find the fork
but he looked like a dork
when he knocked down the trash with a crash!
Whilst pensive and serene
and seated on the loo
contentedly having
my morning number two
my serenity was shaken
torn asunder
by a massive mistake
a terrible blunder
someone had installed a new toilet-roll
hopelessly bungling this very simple op
the paper, oh horror of horrors
was not being fed from over the top
as quick as a flash
not missing a beat
I swopped it around to feed as it should
restoring my serenity with this simple feat
business now concluded
with a nod of approval I watched it unroll
but, this glaring absurdity
had taken its toll
with hands properly washed
and soap in its receptacle, right side up
I saw something else that had my nerves all ajangle
another absurdity whose jig was now up
the towel on its rail
was not folded in two
but haphazardly bunched
and hanging askew
drying my hands
I folded it neatly as it will be on show
then hung it back up
ends equidistant from the tiled floor below
leaving the bathroom a tad overwrought
I immediately felt my sanity slipping
with a nice cup of tea and some toast on my mind
my senses were assailed by the kitchen tap dripping.
A serpent disturbed in the grass
Slithered up the hose of a lass
But quick as a flash
It made its last dash
A victim of Isle of Man gas
One night during the Great Mosquito Wars
After a three-hour struggle
Using subterfuge, with candles, lights, "gas" -
There was not a single sighting
About the third hour, into the wee-est hours
I felt a movement (by the enemy)
Quick as a flash, my hands slapped my knee:
Not a Mighty Mosquito, not even a fly, just a flea
Complete in itself with a start, heart and end,
It explained all in her mind,
One sentence she uttered provided her truth,
One sentence was all she replied,
And there was no retort, no snappy comeback,
There was nothing to argue against,
Because, her statement, it cut to the bone,
The way it was quickly expressed,
So he turned and walked, fled from the scene,
He had his answer which wasn’t “hello”,
She’d stated her thoughts as quick as a flash,
In a sentence with a smoothly said “no”.
“Send me a pic,” he sent with a smile,
“Share what you’re hiding away.
You’re a beautiful girl, not like the rest,
And you’re never ever even afraid.”
“Hmm, let me think, can I really trust you?”
She replied as quick as she could,
“Sure you can,” he sent, quick as a flash,
“My intentions are all really good.”
So she slipped off her top, behind a locked door,
And numbly stood all alone,
And sent this guy, a photo of her,
Her confused body standing at home,
And this is their life, for new teenage years,
Pleasure removed from the dance,
Intimacy gone, replaced with an image,
Nude selfies replacing romance.
How often does your childhood memories
Haunt you? Deep asleep?
When you awake at dawn? Halfway through
The Rubicon of your daydreams?
In the thick of solitude, or just when
You wax nostalgic with your folks?
Do you hold happy ones so dear you wish to
Turn back the hands of time and relive them?
Do you remember them vividly
Or do they clog your memory like a fog?
How long do they fade into oblivion
Before they spring back again like a boomerang?
Do they keep lingering and floating
In your mind like a cloud, or do they
Steal away as quick as a flash of lightning?
Do the unpleasant ones stick to
Your mind like metal sticks to magnet
Or do they escape like grains of sand do
When squeezed tightly under a clenched fist?
Date written and posted: 01/18/2018
While out on the playground sitting on grass
Teacher asked question of her third grade class
What will you all do
When you finish school?
Little Johnny replied quick as a flash
A tree is what I want to be when I am all grown up
“You cant be a tree” said the teacher stuttering tuts
“Why Not”? he exclaimed
To the teachers disdain
“We both have limbs, trunks and nuts”
With Apologies to Keebler
I bit into a cookie, or so I thought
Of the homemade kind, not store bought
Too many nuts for me
Worthless, you'd agree
Tasteless crumbs that would leave you fraught
Tossed into the garbage and bagged as trash
They jumped back up at me, quick as a flash
Brazen balls of dough
Tried to strike a blow
Angered, their teeth were grinding in a gnash
Cookies on computers should be deleted
A worthless recipe should not be repeated
Ingredients should be sweet
For a delicious little treat
Burned are cookies in an oven over heated
The moral to this story, so I've been told
"Don't eat cookies of a chef uncontrolled"
Bake a batch yourself
Don't trust the little elf
Whose cookies aren't good enough to be sold
I woke up one morning, still sleepy, still slow
Then dad said “Hey Sam, have you seen the snow”?
“Snow”! I shouted, now in a dash,
I put my clothes on, quick as a flash.
Moving quickly now, sleepy no more,
I grabbed my sledge and headed for the door.
Whizzing down the hills, what fun I had,
Made some snowballs and threw them at Dad.
Face getting colder, nose starting to glow,
“Come on Sam!” Dad said, “It’s time to go”.
Sitting by the fire now, thinking about my day,
I really really wish that the snow will stay.
Horse catcher I said she looks down at me don't you mean wrangler said she, but then quick as a flash I'm back at that bloody track down at the start waiting for all to load almost all done then one throws its midget and runs, off in the pickup I leap to go corner the big black beast
and there we are with me breathing deep I have him corralled of sorts cutting down the angles closer I creep, then I see the twinkle in his eye
I've got no protection for my head or knobbly knees and he fancies his chance of running through me, back in the stand with the delay all eyes are watching the big screen with glee.
Then round the corner walks his lass and makes me look a silly ass, for off he trots head held high snorts in my direction as if to say did you see what he did to me, so my dear I prefer my steed to be made of metal and come with a key.
The Owl saw the vole and thought there is my tea
The vole saw the owl and thought he better recognise me!
Now Owls they are a.wesome and Hedwigs the be.st, But a vole for your tea is sim.ply the be.st.
with a swish of his tale and a fast speedy dive.
The voles life flew before him, as he thought he would die
But as quick as a flash and a loud sounding bang Sirious black appears out the ground
Now Hedwig loves wizards but wishes they would stick to the shapes that don't taste so good.
If only you knew
about the things I do.
The secret life I live.
By day I'm your wife,
honest and true,
by night I'm 'Seductress Queen Viv '
It's seven a.m.
I make your breakfast again,
just before you go off to work,
I wave you off as you go
and before you know,
my wifely duties I shirk.
I get online and strip in time
for the men who want to pay.
They're all really nice,
pay the price
and say they want to meet me one day.
So, on go the stockings and
lipstick .... shocking red,
then I do a lap dance
whilst balancing on my bed.
Some of the men I talk to,
if they want to pay,
I speak in a husky voice
and say what they want me to say.
Uh oh, I hear your car coming up the drive,
off with the stockings
and as quick as a flash
into my jeans I dive.
I run to the kitchen
just as you get out of your car,
as you open the door,
I say with a smile,
'hi hunny,there you are.'
Would you believe if I told you of my secret
Would you care to pretend that, my meaning you do get
How absolutely blissful it was
Even if its shadow is filled with scars
Love shone down on me from heaven
Love mercifully asking me to be no more heartbroken
It came and went as quick as a flash
And it did calm down my agonizing rash
And I would give anything for one more such experience
For, the common man does not get to enjoy this essence
Meanwhile, let me write of it, so you may read
And spread the fruits of its seed!
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