Best Quick As A Flash Poems
Bank robber Jim was one unlucky bloke
Went to draw his gun but the holster broke
It dropped on the bank floor
And went off with a roar
The shock was too much and he had a stroke...
Though he was unconscious he hadn't died
Woke in a coffin for his final ride
In a desparate bid
Banged on the coffin lid
But all he could hear was laughing outside...
Written 17th June 2021
Then someone shouted can you hear banging
It was quite faint because folks were singing
The sheriff prised off the lid
And he was so glad he did
Because he thought we'll have us a hanging...
Jim didn't know whether to laugh or cry
Resigned himself to the fact that he'd die
Saw sheriff holding a rope
Realised there was no hope
And for unlucky Jim the end was nigh...
He was taken to the gallows in town
Handcuffed and wearing nothing but a frown
Jim was then starting to choke
But with the drop the rope broke
The crowd screamed as poor Jim came tumbling down..
Unlucky Jim jumped up quick as a flash
As he passed the bank ran in and grabbed cash
He stole the first horse he saw
Then let out a loud yee haw
And for sweet freedom he made a quick dash...
Written 19th June 2021
A bounty hunter called Nevada Slim
Went after bank robber Unlucky Jim
With tracker Spirit Bear
They discovered Jims lair
And Jim's future was now looking quite grim...
Slim called out "put your hands in the air"
Jim grabbed his gun, Slim said "don't you dare"
But Jim was too fast
And let off a blast
Slim fell dead then Jim shot Spirit Bear...
Jim quickly packed his things and rode away
Thankful that he'd survived another day
He decided to lie low
But what old Jim didn't know
Was that Pinkertons were heading his way...
Jim was sleeping in the afternoon sun
And didnt hear the cocking of a gun
He woke up with dread
Saw guns at his head
And a lawman said "Jim looks like your done"...
Jim was handcuffed and they rode back to town
There to meet them was Sheriff and Judge Brown
The charges were read
Jim nodded his head
Sheriff said " this time Jim you're going down" ...
For Jims last request he asked for a smoke
And noticed the hangman had a new rope
He put a hood on Jims head
Jim dangled then he was dead
An escape this time!, there wasn't a hope...
Written 1st July 2021
RIP UNLUCKY JIM
“Send me a pic,” he sent with a smile,
“Share what you’re hiding away.
You’re a beautiful girl, not like the rest,
And you’re never ever even afraid.”
“Hmm, let me think, can I really trust you?”
She replied as quick as she could,
“Sure you can,” he sent, quick as a flash,
“My intentions are all really good.”
So she slipped off her top, behind a locked door,
And numbly stood all alone,
And sent this guy, a photo of her,
Her confused body standing at home,
And this is their life, for new teenage years,
Pleasure removed from the dance,
Intimacy gone, replaced with an image,
Nude selfies replacing romance.
How often does your childhood memories
Haunt you? Deep asleep?
When you awake at dawn? Halfway through
The Rubicon of your daydreams?
In the thick of solitude, or just when
You wax nostalgic with your folks?
Do you hold happy ones so dear you wish to
Turn back the hands of time and relive them?
Do you remember them vividly
Or do they clog your memory like a fog?
How long do they fade into oblivion
Before they spring back again like a boomerang?
Do they keep lingering and floating
In your mind like a cloud, or do they
Steal away as quick as a flash of lightning?
Do the unpleasant ones stick to
Your mind like metal sticks to magnet
Or do they escape like grains of sand do
When squeezed tightly under a clenched fist?
Date written and posted: 01/18/2018
While out on the playground sitting on grass
Teacher asked question of her third grade class
What will you all do
When you finish school?
Little Johnny replied quick as a flash
A tree is what I want to be when I am all grown up
“You cant be a tree” said the teacher stuttering tuts
“Why Not”? he exclaimed
To the teachers disdain
“We both have limbs, trunks and nuts”
The New Sheriff
By Elton Camp
The election had been just the week before
Sheriff Johnson now held the office no more
Some the new sheriff didn’t know how to take
“I just hope we haven’t made a big mistake.”
On the very day the new term was to begin,
Sheriff Roberts entered the office with a grin
“Since none of you deputies voted for me
Now you’re every one out of jobs you see.”
With a voice and actions just that rough
The new sheriff was going to be tough
Crime would never again come to pay
Sheriff Roberts had now come their way
The sheriff then strapped on a black gun
“I’ll soon have all the crooks on the run.”
It took Sheriff Roberts only a little while
To hire new deputies with a sneering smile
“Every one of you boys will do what I say
Or I’ll fire your tails without any delay.”
The sheriff had been in office only a week
When a fight started at the bar by the creek
Sheriff Roberts roared up in a big cruiser
Inside the bar stood an enormous bruiser
The sheriff rushed right on inside
And slugged the guy hard in his side
When another fighter the sheriff saw
It was wham and pow right to his jaw
The sheriff looked around with a sneer
Quick as a flash, the room did clear
When to law and order there occurred a threat,
The sheriff was there to curse, fight, and sweat
All could see that the crime rate went down
From the time the new sheriff came around
Each day when the office did close,
The sheriff put on her dress and hose
She rubbed some rouge onto her face
At home, husband and child to embrace
With Apologies to Keebler
I bit into a cookie, or so I thought
Of the homemade kind, not store bought
Too many nuts for me
Worthless, you'd agree
Tasteless crumbs that would leave you fraught
Tossed into the garbage and bagged as trash
They jumped back up at me, quick as a flash
Brazen balls of dough
Tried to strike a blow
Angered, their teeth were grinding in a gnash
Cookies on computers should be deleted
A worthless recipe should not be repeated
Ingredients should be sweet
For a delicious little treat
Burned are cookies in an oven over heated
The moral to this story, so I've been told
"Don't eat cookies of a chef uncontrolled"
Bake a batch yourself
Don't trust the little elf
Whose cookies aren't good enough to be sold
Though it was as quick as a flash light
And as light as plucked feathers
That even a lazy wind would have
Swept it away with ease
Still on my lips glows your first kiss
A silent audience of multitudinous stars
Witnessed as we held each other tight
On that September night
And can testify how warm we felt
Yet the freezing air of a dying winter
And maybe there were astronomers
Riding on the moon
With cameras and binoculars
To capture that historic moment
And preserve it in great books of astronomy
For we are stars too living on planet earth
Bojosi Ditshwele ©
When I was a mere five years old
An Alsation dog was never controlled
As quick as a flash
It bit me on the ass
It's reaction was never foretold
Since then dogs have scared me quite a lot
A resolution needed to be sought
As I grew to be older
With dogs I became bolder
So a Golden Cocker Spaniel we got
http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/humour-5.php
Grandpa had so many folks and things he cared for;
God's Creation, his family, nation and very much more.
I sorta thought I was special to him, the apple of his eye,
Showering love on me of which he had and abundant supply!
One of his dear possessions in which he took special pride,
Was given to him by Grandma when he took her as his bride.
A handsome railroad pocket watch is was, a Waltham by name,
Exquisitely encased in gold with ornate etching 'round its frame.
Grandpa was always clad in a stylish suit and vest,
With an elegant gold chain and fob draped across his chest.
Asked the time, with a twinkle in his eye and practiced panache,
He'd produce his watch and tell you the time as quick as a flash!
His daily routine was ruled by the watch and it would never fail,
If his meals weren't on time, at Grandma he'd rail!
He'd look at his watch and say, "It's time for my afternoon nap,"
And he'd invite me to join him on his comforting lap!
Grandpa cherished that old watch - it was wound only by him,
But time passed on, he grew frail, his eyes grew dim.
He called me aside one day saying, "This watch is yours my lad.
Pass it to your son and tell him it's from his Great Grandad."
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired (© All Rights Reserved)
Fast as lightning
quick as a flash
away I went
darting here, running there
like a bumble bee I flew
so fast that I knew
no one could catch me
no they couldn't
cause I'm the fastest
and the baddest
I know that I can run so fast
but the one that can beat me
is my daddy - he's so fast!
In loving memory of my dad; the best friend I ever had, and the fastest man a child has ever seen.
I woke up one morning, still sleepy, still slow
Then dad said “Hey Sam, have you seen the snow”?
“Snow”! I shouted, now in a dash,
I put my clothes on, quick as a flash.
Moving quickly now, sleepy no more,
I grabbed my sledge and headed for the door.
Whizzing down the hills, what fun I had,
Made some snowballs and threw them at Dad.
Face getting colder, nose starting to glow,
“Come on Sam!” Dad said, “It’s time to go”.
Sitting by the fire now, thinking about my day,
I really really wish that the snow will stay.
The first two limericks I posted the other day but Sara Kendrick requested that I write a sequel so added four more, I've included the two from the other day should you wish to read it in its entirety.
Bank robber Jim was one unlucky bloke
Went to draw his gun but the holster broke
It dropped on the bank floor
And went off with a roar
The shock was too much and he had a stroke...
Though he was unconscious he hadn't died
Woke in a coffin for his final ride
In a desparate bid
Banged on the coffin lid
But all he could hear was laughing outside...
Written on 17th June 2021
Then someone shouted can you hear banging
It was quite faint because folks were singing
The sheriff prised off the lid
And he was so glad he did
Because he thought we'll have us a hanging...
Jim didn't know whether to laugh or cry
Resigned himself to the fact that he'd die
Saw sheriff holding a rope
Realised there was no hope
And for unlucky Jim the end was nigh...
He was taken to the gallows in town
Handcuffed and wearing nothing but a frown
Jim was then starting to choke
But with the drop the rope broke
The crowd screamed as poor Jim came tumbling down..
Unlucky Jim jumped up quick as a flash
As he passed the bank ran in and grabbed cash
He stole the first horse he saw
Then let out a loud yee haw
And for sweet freedom he made a quick dash...
Written 19th June 2021
The creatures that could fly, flew out this night
They brought forth their powers, with them their might
The black dragon is largest on the list
They are the strongest, waving their clawed fist
Next would have to be the fairies so trim
Wielding dark talents purely on a whim
The dark gargoyles fly around with great ease
Spreading the fear of death and dire disease
As sure as you think the darkness would win
An angel flies high, way up in heaven
She saves the Earth from all evil around
Drops down some angel dust right to the ground
And quick as a flash evil leaves this place
Angels left to sing the beauty of grace
Russell Sivey
Entrant into Gail Doyle's "Angel Dust" contest
10/9/2012
Thierry Henry, he came back
got us a goal, quick as a flash
to help us win the match
I can gladly divulge, back of the net did bulge.
Thierry Henry Godlike preacher
Theo Walcotts brand new teacher
the tricks he's got, his delicate shot.
Play it, don't waste it
place it, don't lace it
grace it, embrace it.
Breathe the gunners, inhale them deep
Come may, could be top of the heap?
The cabinets full once more,
Thierry's boots are back in the door
Come on Arsenal we loudly roar!!
©John-Ovan.P.Hull
KITTY LITTER
Kittens tumble to and fro,
From room to room, just watch them go.
Attack the curtains at first light,
The sheers put up a mighty fight.
Ninja kitties, assassins four,
Quietly steal across the floor,
Suddenly, quick as a flash,
They charge the loo in one mad dash.
The toilet paper is their goal,
In a furious fight they subdue the roll.
Entering I can't adjure,
They've made the bathroom all secure,
From things that lurk within the folds,
Hiding in the tissue rolls.
Four furry warriors, undisputed,
Whose courage cannot be refuted,
Patrol the house in search of that,
Which could cause harm to ken or cat.
What would I do without this troop,
You must admit, they're just too cute.
Judy Ball
(There's nothing cuter than a litter of kittens)