When we first saw Columbus struggling ashore,
we were mildly amused.
Later, more well marinated mariners
brought with them
garlic, olive oil and tomatoes,
all of which we had no use for -
the tomatoes gave us acid reflux.
When they offered to feed us
an ugly and bitter edible
they called ‘broccoli,’
we knew
that we had to make war upon them.
No use!
In the end, we were defeated;
their garlic breath was too strong,
their pizza pie way too delicious.
Lenny the Lush and Stoner Steve,
Headed for a party on the Hill.
With a couple hours before it started,
They stopped at a local Bar and Grill.
Hours later, they were feeling fine;
After several drinks and a pizza pie.
Before they made it to the party,
Lenny was drunk and Steve was high.
Going down an old country road,
Lenny was driving way too fast.
With both men having bloodshot eyes,
They didn't see the Cop they passed.
When the cherries flashed and siren blew,
Lenny decided he wouldn't stop.
So leaning forward and pedal down,
The Lush prepared to outrun the Cop.
Doing Eighty with tail end swerving,
Dust and gravel hung in the air.
Braking too hard at the corner,
The Policeman rammed into the pair.
With broken glass and twisted metal,
Their cars crashed into the ditch.
Running towards them with pistol drawn,
They heard, "Don't you two even twitch!"
With cuts and bruises on their bodies,
Missed the party but could tell the tale.
Lenny the Lush and Stoner Steve,
Today reside in the County Jail.
Depart from your accustomed
typically usual routine.
Specialize in being a generalist.
Immerse yourself fully in the whole entirety
of the complete volume.
You’ll be surrounded on all sides
by a myriad and multitudinous plethora
of permanent and long-lasting linguistic verbiage.
Feel like a pedagogical school teacher.
Have an impactful influence on events.
Fly above the earth.
It’s deceptively mendacious,
and fine as French champagne!
Here’s a sneak peek advance preview of
Colonel J. D. Waxwood's Harmonious Concordance
of Repetitive Redundancies, Sufficient Enough Tautologies,
and Irrational Non-sequitors, from BadSeedPress:
AKBAR THE GREAT
AMERICAN INDIAN
ATM MACHINE
CENTRAL CORE
CHICKEN COQ AU VIN
CONCISE SYNOPSIS
CORRUPT POLITICIAN
FLESH COLORED
FREE GRATIS
FRESH FROZEN
GUEST HOST
HAWAIIAN LUAU
MORE PERFECT
ORIGINAL COPY
PIN NUMBER
PIZZA PIE
PRE-REGISTRATION
SELF-CENTERED NARCICIST
SILENT MUSICAL
TINY LITTLE [ANYTHING]
TUNA FISH
WISE-ASS SOPHOMORE
Fuzzy socks and crocs, oh my
Try some, buy some
Wear them high
Pair them, share them
To be nice
Take them home
For half the price
Crocs on socks are best displayed
When you lead
A big parade
When your socks
Are clean and pressed
Other folks
Will be impressed
Wear your socks to beat the crowd
Fuzzy socks
Will make you proud
When you have
A bite to eat
Crocs on socks
Will guard your feet
When they clamor for some meat
Give them something
As a treat
Rubber ducks
And plastic snakes
Pizza pie
And chocolate shakes
Wear them on a rainy day
Keep the snails
And worms away
Soak them well
Where gutters run
Dangle them
To have more fun
When your day is incomplete
Walk them down
A busy street
When the rest of you
Is nude
Socks reveal
Your attitude.
Submitted to the
Fuzzy Socks and Crocs Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Francine Roberts
On June 10, 2021
CAUTIONARY COUPLETS
I hazard it has many times been said
That we have never lived if we’ve not bled
If you attest a life of no regret
I’ll wager you have never placed a bet
If in your time you never crash and burn
You miss an opportunity to learn
If you forever seek to others blame
Well they may seek to ever wipe your name
If you choose peace at all cost you may see
A subjugated life of tyranny
If love is all, in truth I promise that
With careful seasoning I’ll eat my hat
If you aver you never told a lie
I’ll guarantee the moon’s a pizza pie
If you contend you never commit sin
Then join this club of one, they’ll let you in
My doctor said, "Take a pill and call me in the morning".
I'm no medic, but I think I took the wrong pill.
My wife said, "Learn to listen to your body and obey it".
I said, "I'm hard of hearing and my body speaks quietly".
My Cardiologist says, "Your heart will talk to you if you
should drink a lot of caffeine coffee or soft drinks".
My boss called and said, "Don't blame the daylight or
morning star if you should decide to watch TV all night".
My new car said, "I demand that you keep me mobile".
She was well pleased after I drove her 150 miles.
At half-past midnight I said, "Please don't bother me,
I am very busy eating pizza, pie, and drinking Pepsi".
After a wonderful night, I fell asleep this morning at 7:30.
My boss called again at 10 am to tell me that I was fired.
061220PSCtest, Sleepless, Carolyn Devonshire. 3P
two
and
a half
slices
my eyes
were more
then i figured
bigger than a
pizza pie
but
that's
amore
Ricotta and meat cannelloni,
a pizza pie (pepperoni)
with cheesy macaroni,
followed by spumoni.
Holy cannoli!
Roly poly
full of glee
you’ll see
me!
Nov. 7, 2019
for the Rhyming Nonet Poetry Contest of charles messina
I was leanin' on the fence slurpin' a mug o' joe,
Admirin' my neighbor's garden and watchin' Harry hoe.
"Harry, Harry", I asked, "What makes yer garden grow?"
"I spread oodles of fecal matter on each and ever' row!"
Clyde spent an afternoon guzzlin' Coors in his neighborhood saloon.
He swore he saw a cat play a fiddle and a cow jump over the moon!
He was so sozzled that he was taken to a clinic to recover from his swoon,
And it was there that he was certified to be wackier than a loon!
Humpty Dumpty fell from a balcony splattered upon the street below!
Was he shoved, was he soused or suffered an untimely bout of vertigo?
He was a fairly 'bad' egg from what is heard from pals in the know.
It was just 'rotten' luck that his fragile shell couldn't withstand the blow!
Little Jack Horner sat in a corner devourin' a large pizza pie.
He furtively sipped some brew and was gettin' rather high!
His momma was aghast at such behavior and confiscated the beer.
"Just wait 'til yer Pa gets home" said she and boxed him on the ear!
A mouse stole my fluffy blue slipper this morning and wore it all over the kitchen
In an arrogant teasing “ha ha” way.
I was so mad!
I ran after him at first,
But I am getting fat
And old and
I am tired of chasing
After my slipper every HUCKING morning.
So I stopped and threw
Magazines, and a pizza pie, and a banana at my slipper.
What are you doing? My husband asked,
Because he is weirdly “normal”.
So I threw the lamp that was supposed to crush the
mouse at his head.
Used to this totally, he caught it in mid-air
DRAM it!
Date: 12-14-2018
Contest Name: Make Me Actually LOL
Sponsor: Nina Parmenter
G-reeting comes once in a year, making you feel so fine;
E-very warm wish is sent, as the sun starts to shine.
C-ake, ice cream, and pizza pie
A-re brought to the table;
L-et's begin to celebrate,
A-fter the dusk and nightfall.
M-ay twenty-fourth early morn
O-pens the Wednesday with cheer;
H-appy birthday is spent,
O-nce in a
Y-ear.
Your life is like a pizza pie,
With wisdom you should long or yearn;
It is not just a food to eat,
But also a lesson to learn.
With different sizes it is
Available just anywhere;
When you leave your house to buy one,
As you return it is a square.
Eager to see the bread inside,
The package with care you handle;
The moment you open the box,
What you have found is a circle.
It's so hard to turn a blind eye
To this tasty, delightful dough;
As you begin eating a piece,
It's triangle, you ought to know.
Constant change is in the world,
From good reason to alibi;
Your behavior improves in time,
Your life is like a pizza pie.
When I think of pies
I think of my son Kev,
when it comes to baking pies
he is a master chef,
when I think of pies
I think of my younger sister Eileen,
my Dads nickname for her
was "Pies" when she was 2 or 3,
when I think of pies
I think of Wal-mart,
with their bakery aisle
tempting us with the
different varieties and aromas,
when I think of pies
I think about Thanksgiving,
and how we Americans
love to give thanks
by scarfing down
about half a dozen,
when I think of pies
I think of pizza,
with Dominoes,
Little Caesars, Papa Johns
and Marcos and their
customers coming and going,
when I think of pies
I think of Dean Martin,
crooning to us his song
about the moon and
pizza pie in "Thats Amore,"
and last if not least
when I think of pies I sigh
and thank God I'm not
a mathematician,
because I think of pies enough
as it is and worry I'll soon
be fat instead of thin!
I am the enchanted poetry biscuit
No gravy, no butter, I look so bland
Staring at the fridge, will you risk it?
Sweep me away in your hot hands!
I’m so much more than last night’s pizza pie
Come on now, I dare you, take a bite
A radiant magic awaits inside
To quench the burn; set your soul aright
Whether you nuke me, boil me, or bake me,
I’ll satisfy your cravings the same
And like life, I’m as good as you make me
Let the flour and baking soda set you aflame!
“Poetry Biscuit” was an irresistibly compelling suggestion…
5/1/16
© Thomas W. Quigley
For contest: Poetry ______
Sponsor: PDA
The night santa almost got busted.
I often wondered about that night in 1954.
When santa almost got busted.
The tale goes that santa was wanted for 250 million breaking and entering charges.
But they could not catch him in the act.
The town was slight that Christmas eve.
When the police were eating their nightly doughnuts.
Then out on the streets they did see ..
Santa was drag racing a ford pickup.
When all of a sudden here comes supper trooper in his hopped up chevy.
He caught the ford and santa too.
He was going to lock him up.When out of his bag
Came the biggest pizza pie you ever seen.
But as santa drove out of sight.You could hear him say Merry Christmas and please call my lawyer.
Related Poems