Pa Goose's Bedtime Stories - 1

I was leanin' on the fence slurpin' a mug o' joe, Admirin' my neighbor's garden and watchin' Harry hoe. "Harry, Harry", I asked, "What makes yer garden grow?" "I spread oodles of fecal matter on each and ever' row!" Clyde spent an afternoon guzzlin' Coors in his neighborhood saloon. He swore he saw a cat play a fiddle and a cow jump over the moon! He was so sozzled that he was taken to a clinic to recover from his swoon, And it was there that he was certified to be wackier than a loon! Humpty Dumpty fell from a balcony splattered upon the street below! Was he shoved, was he soused or suffered an untimely bout of vertigo? He was a fairly 'bad' egg from what is heard from pals in the know. It was just 'rotten' luck that his fragile shell couldn't withstand the blow! Little Jack Horner sat in a corner devourin' a large pizza pie. He furtively sipped some brew and was gettin' rather high! His momma was aghast at such behavior and confiscated the beer. "Just wait 'til yer Pa gets home" said she and boxed him on the ear!