Afraid
Afraid of the cameras
Of the mirrors
And the voice in my head
Fat
Ugly
Not able to fit in
The mould
Into the slim fit clothes
Loud
Annoying
Confidence - a mask I wear
Over the self doubt and insecurities
Unlovable
Unworthy
Of your love
Which is a lie out of your mouth
I feel like you’re looking for a way out
Out of my life
Embarrassing
Unwanted
Unwanted in conversation
Because of how I ruin it
Self centred
Selfish
A protection against the truth
Present a strong front
And they can’t get behind your walls
Into your doubt
Childish
Immature
Jokes that aren’t funny
Can’t be trusted
Just a bit too much
If only I felt worthy
Worthy of love
Of friends
Worthy enough to be myself
To feel confident
If only I could quiet
The voice in my head
Poetry Wheel Challenge:
Theme: Coming of Age
Emotion: Wonder
Color: Black
Season: Spring
Form: Free Verse
Object: Currency
Verb: Break
Created using the PoetrySoup Poetry Wheel.
A penny for my thoughts
would not have bought very much
when I was coming of age... years ago.
I looked at the world with wide-eyed wonder,
not able to see further into the future
than enjoying high school life with friends.
But every bubble bursts, and dreams break hearts
when the innocence of our youth Spring
suddenly turns black and seems to ruin everything.
My love stays strong each passing year,
Sister, you were just like my right hand,
Dying too young, our mother's worst fear,
To see the future, couldn't be done.
Anorexia took your youth and body,
Truly your life had just begun,
Open and shut like a fist in karate.
Our time spent together was too short,
Family and friends were torn apart,
Up in smoke not able to thwart,
To keep appearances nothing left to carte.
The tax on your body you paid the fee,
Predominantly killed both and kind,
Fatal issues that we didn't see,
Disease that clouded both are minds.
accept my uncertainties
I accept my insecurities
I accept me not knowing where I'm going
I accept not knowing who I am
I accept being confused
I accept people not understanding me
I accept being alone
I accept having depression and me not able to explain myself
I accept me being me
Will we crumble for money, for love, for fame.
Fame can be so tempting, it can make us so vain.
Vain like when we are so in love with ourself, that we can’t even feel another person’s pain.
Sometimes in life we crumble, for we love money and stuff, and many other things that make us feel puffy.
Crumble to the ground, giving us no way to grow again, leaving us in the dark forever, not able to see again.
Sometimes in life, choices lead us to a way that is dark and gloomy, and we lose our way.
Don’t crumble, don’t fall, and if you do get back up and make amends.
So do not crumble, be like a bumblebee and move and grow and live life with a buzz that makes you and everything grow beautifully.
Lifting prayers to God, today and always.
Whether the dirt is red,
Sandy or dusty,
You are home with you.
Whether the skies are overcast,
Pouring, Filled with electricity,
Or wide open and blue.
You'll hear everyone's methods,
An opportunity and lesson,
Each connection a paver.
Times will test and confuse,
Heart racing or hands sweating,
Each conflict you become braver.
A road of your own, stones different than before,
Never yet seen by others,
And not able to be comprehended.
There will be times of loneliness, sorrow and pain,
When hope is missing, have faith,
Those things were meant to have ended.
Let go again and again, taking pieces from the road,
One day you'll turn around,
And see the work that felt a chore.
Paving blindly, it seemed,
Now a path to walk others along,
Hold their hands, even if no one held yours.
Let them learn and source their pavers,
That you couldn't comprehend...
It's their turn now, you've done a good job my friend.
A piercing cry in the night,
splitting the serenity of our slumber.
Investigation discovered a poor cat's plight.
She'd given birth, five kittens by number.
Bedraggled and weak she lay quiet as a mouse.
Only one kitten seemed to be moving.
Shining a flashlight on them under our house,
I whispered kind words, intent on soothing.
A piercing cry in the middle of the night,
just like the night they were found.
Jumping on me, she gave me a fright.
Her screams continued to resound.
My husband had fallen and she beckoned me.
Racing back to him with care,
I stumbled after, in the dark, not able to see.
She hurried to let me know he was there.
She refused to leave his side.
He was raced to hospital just in time.
Our wonderful cat is our source of pride.
Thanks to "precious" Bill will live way past his prime.
Once there was a young lad,
Becoming a mentor was a role he gladly had.
Making students learn concepts, showing new ways of teaching,
Making class a fun interaction rather than preaching.
The fire of youth was enough fascinating,
His teaching style made him captivating.
The concern he showed, the love he showered,
His motive was to make students powered.
But people can't see someone rising ,
Because someone who understood students was truly surprising!
Rumours spread judgements done,
Because they were not able to rise ,not even one.
Maybe he is misunderstood,maybe he is wrongly narrated,
But can they match the way he educated?
Storms came to shake him, doubts tried to call,
But every dawn found him standing tall.
They built their noise, he built his grace,
And truth alone lit up his face.
What does it take to live inside
Is there a shelter it provides?
In case it does, what shall I find
That’ll make me change my tortured mind
Presumably I’m not that kind
Like others do, I go outside
To change my sight I need to hide
From that notorious inside
But then my time goes running wild
It runs downstairs and climbs too high
Till I’m not able to define
What’s what, whose voice I hear inside.
Church so quiet,
only HIS children prayers are heard sitting quietly waiting to be healed.
All lined up against the wall, praying quietly to their Father silent pains of sins waiting to be heard.
His door is closed, as I edge closer to my turn, I can feel 40 days of unshed tears deep down inside, “My Jesus I trust you” is all I can say.
The door of the confessional healing is finally open, yet my feet are not able to move..so dark , so quiet, screen of dignity separates me from My Jesus.
“Father forgive me as I am broken, my body is willing yet my soul is weak” my words I cannot speak, my waterfall of pain, envy, anger, as a daughter of God, my breath I cannot catch, my body trembles as I unleash my mask, falling crumbled in front of my Father’s knees.
My time is up, my tired body I slowly rise, “after 55 years, I finally sat in “in my Fathers Chair”.
I think I loved you.
I think I still love you.
Not in the way I loved her.
It’s indescribable.
Not able to fit in any box.
It’s different.
Heavier.
Deeper.
But it’s real.
Heavier than platonic.
Lighter than romantic.
Yet it still holds weight.
Though I could never name it.
Couldn’t even place it.
I felt it.
I knew your place was different.
I loved you.
I still love you.
I’ll always love you.
It’s a soul kind of love.
Like a keepsake
Reminding me of home.
Like a souvenir to a tribe,
To a place I know will always be home.
Never found a name for it.
Never managed to fit it in a box.
Only knew what it felt like:
Familiar but not quite so.
Love, but on a different caliber.
I cannot remember the exact day
Though it wasn't that long ago to note
When I get home to tighten up my say
Like I wouldn't have said that rote
But I haven't been able to change it
Slippery airstream brings it without permit
Teach my tongue
Not always the usual song
When unseen is not able
Let hearty praises be stable
Story may not win hearts
Words are very core to arts
What inspirations sought
Define what minds fought
But often, muses are ÀBÍKÚ
Though words remain àìkú
Teach my words ever young
To never be old unsung
When light heals quickly, time
Let darkness dare its worth to the prime
Hero don't just fight
To show his might
But for a dream
Beyond self-esteem
To redeem his call
Even it takes him to fall
Teach my nozzle
Firing and causal
To view in smell
The aroma heaven shell
A newborn; I a newborn
Everyday's cool wordsbourne
Whose stories are often reared
In blissful nature's style sneered
For body to feed into mind for soul
Allowing new character be made whole
Teach me to use
Not only to deduce
By tongue to also pronounce
And authoritatively do denounce
261.
My 41st Leaf
Removed thee from twig
That is not so big
If closely observed
It's stylishly curved
Unfamiliar one!
A Nuk-Nuk owns thee
Not able to see
I am with classmates
Enriching our faiths
We're with our teachers
From beach I've just been
Where sunrise I've seen
Beautiful morning
So fresh everything
Ninth day of third month
On Baybay seaside
Domicile beside
On landscape simple
Ad mired by nimble
Adjacent to porch
It's our Retreat Day
This pretty Sunday
MAT Soc. Sci.
This moment we're nigh
As Filamerians!
-03/09-10/2014
(Dumarao)
*My Toladas Collection
Iv been praying, is anyone there?
Iv been praying, does anyone care?
I need some peace to balance the chaos
I need someone to hold a seance
I'm lost in the water, can't get free
Oh how I hate being me
The noise is loud, scary at times
The silence deadly with blurry lines
Not able to leave my house
My body moves slow as a mouse
My legs are heavy, almost locked
Everywhere I go there's an invisible block
Sitting in the window, music on
Smoking a cigarette In the sun
The heat warms the window , sounds of the cars
It's the calmest iv been, no thoughts of self harm
Curtains blocking me, I'm safe here
I'm so different from this time last year
Mania and physical illness leading the way
4 years now iv been in this pain
Iv been praying but none are answered
Some questions are best left unanswered
Iv got to get through this blackness
Iv gotta rid all this madness
Sitting alone in my window seat
I just wish I felt complete
So much to deal with, no way out
I wish I knew what all this was about
Everyday I live, I am a prisoner
There is freedom but I am caged
There is happiness but I am sad
heavily my heart bleeds for nothing
Not able to place my fingers on what is bleeding my heart
Or should I say I lack of self continuity
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