Im sorry
I know im a pain but im trying to change
Trying to become what you want
Trying to throw myself away to be what you please
Then when you're done you throw me away and get a new toy
But im always waiting
Waiting for the say you come back and say
“I love you”
Waiting to feel you in my arms
Waiting to feel loved
waiting
Waiting
waiting
She came alive with red blosoms last Spring.
She bloomed and shared bundles of beauty,
Miss hibiscus thrived throughout the Summer.
October has arrived, and now she's dying.
A smug smile after being embraced,
Silence takes over,
filling up the air with grace.
Many talks we share that make my heart ache.
Where has the time gone?
Reflection shows my futures and how they are scarce.
Bone structure with definition
Yet, you’re not here to make an impression.
Wonders and worries,
Accepting what has come.
Is this the end for us?
I see the flowers disappearing
And the bees flying frantically
I see the leaves falling
And I see the birds leaving town
I see the snow falling
And I see the gloomy smiles
I see the bleak skies
And I see the emptiness
I see the clear skies
And I see the morning sun
I see a faint image
I see you in a mirage
I want to fly
I want to see you smile
I want to be by your side
While I'm still alive
“Are you okay?”
No. My best friend of 13 weeks has refused to talk to me, refused to look at me, refused to watch me dance, refused to have any human contact with me and she’s interacting with everyone around her even a person she hates and she’s so much better at dancing now than she was when we were like twist ties and her mom read our texts about suicide and self harm and writing poetry and now her phone is gone for what has now been two weeks and she’s told other people about it except me and I’m scared for my life about what I’ve done and how I’m going to solve it and I hope she’s doing okay even though I’m not because I cant even watch her dance without shedding a single tear and I guess she’s better off without me because she’s improved a lot more than she ever would’ve when we were best friends and I’m now realizing no one knowing her feelings and her thoughts and plans of suicide was good for her because now she can’t talk to the one who knew everything and I’m now seeing that I’m the soil to every problem imaginable.
“Yeah, just stressed about my math grade.”
“It’s okay, it’s just a grade. Grades don’t define you.”
but she does.
Friend, what would you give
To not feel the pain of loss
When a child passes?
Miss Mary Mack, All Dressed in Black:
I have some complaints,
For who created the world.
I want to take it up with the saints,
Cause I want to be a girl.
But sadly I must say,
I think the saints are dead.
I get no reply,
Just voices in my head.
Every one is screaming,
You're a boy.
It sends me reeling,
When they say play sports instead.
The voices sound like water.
They fill my lungs with lies.
Just another hand upon my throat,
Wearing a disguise.
And yet a smaller voice,
Beneath the flood and fuss,
Says I know your name. I know your pain.
And you are one of us.
~Zyra~
I'm finally writing to you a lifetime too late.
I'd hoped to catch you but, sadly, you couldn't wait.
Couldn't wait for me to take a moment out of a busy day,
To let you know I'm thinking of you, and call without delay.
There's a hundred things I wanted to say but nothing came your way,
So I need to write this letter, through tears I brush away.
You were always 'there' for me until the day I knew,
It was time for me to move on and say goodbye to you.
You saw my off on life's adventure when I was young and free.
I know you felt trepidation but nothing frightened me.
I still have that last letter that you wrote to me in French.
I read it often now but my longing it can't quench.
You signed with hugs and kisses and called me your own.
I was serving in the Army then and feeling quite alone.
I need to tell you 'thank you' for being my friend and more.
I feel I lost a mother and my life has closed a door.
If it pleases God, I pray someday to reunite with you.
Until then, I guess these words put to pen will have to do.
Je vous embrasse bien fort.
Why are you so obsessed with ignoring me?
Just let me know you’re still there.
Color me red
And blunt my bangs
Obscure my brows
And shield them from the sun
Replicate your enigma
Polished and shined
A mirror to your soul
Twin pools of gray
With a hint of blue
That's ever growing wider
What is it you see
When you meet your gaze?
Please hold me tight
Enough to leave your mark
Pink crescent moons
Dyeing my shoulders
Serving as your earthbound tether
What was it you saw
When you met your gaze?
Have you lost your place
Among the stars
My Full Moon Queen
My Full Moon Queen?
Your abdicated throne
Gleams pitch-black here
My Full Moon Queen
My Full Moon Queen.
I can't believe you're truly gone
and now it's far too late -
I'll never see your face again
(a thought I truly hate).
I miss the way it used to be:
the way you'd say my name,
recalling how we'd kiss and touch
affects me just the same.
I loved you, Annie, always will,
and tell you from my heart
you were the only one for me -
I knew that from the start.
No way to ease the pain:
I cant have you again.
there's a gentleness in the trade winds
dancing in the palm fronds
just beyond my balcony
where lie the rolling waves
kneading the shore
pelicans gliding those crests aloft
as the magnificent frigates glide above
rare occasions the dolphins debut
racing always southward
past the river and into the bay
thrilling the surfers on the long wave
to have such ocean brethren at play
and the later delights from this view
the setting sun in a disappearing glow
watching continually for that moment
the last gasp of the green flash
but by far my favorite, the descending moon
submerging into a silver highway
a path that beckons me to the other side
where you watch it rise
and as i watch it go
i find happiness in knowing
the joy it brings to one i loved
and still do
the absent one from this balcony
Oregon 9/25/26
MONET WONDERLAND
I remember you
Slowly falling
Cold and soft as snow
Your breath
Painting the glass
Turning the world
A Monet wonderland
You laughed
As my finger tip
Drew a smile
My heart still beats
In your absence
My mind still dreams
Bringing you back
Only to have you leave
When the sun
Melts that smile
I JUST LOVE AND MISS YOU SO MUCH
Loneliness is as a period
Without a full sentence;
It mirrors a riverbed
That once knew water;
Yes, loneliness can be canvassed
As a dried eggshell that has lost all:-
You were my life’s sentence, water, and yoke:
And this life of mine, just misses you so much:-
At dinner today,
My Mommy and
My Daddy
Were being weird
Instead of them
Usually being tired,
They smiled a lot
Too Smiley
And also
My Daddy made
The food today
Mommy is supposed to make the food
The food didn’t taste yummy
The food tastes yummy always
Mommy and Daddy
Are starting to be
Kinda
Sorta
Just a little
Scary
At night
When I got up
To tell them
I had a nightmare
They were not asleep
Mommy was just
Sitting on the couch
Wide awake
Daddy was smiley again
Too Smiley
Daddy and Mommy
Are starting to be
Kinda
Sorta
Super Duper
Scary
I don’t think
That Mommy
And Daddy
Are the right ones anymore
I saw them pouring
Saltwater on my
Flowers
The ones I got from Mommy
I’m scared
This Mommy
And this Daddy
Are not my
Beautiful
Mommy
Kind
Daddy
Where did they go?
Where Did They Go?
WHERE DID THEY GO?
I want them back
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