I fondly recall lovely Spring mornings!
Breakfast was light, cup of fresh brewed
coffee, enjoyed on our airy back porch --
You suggested lunch, why not straight from
the garden? We tasted, spoke of the advantage
of no pesticides while gathering greens and
fruits. Dinner was with fine wine at a local
Italian restaurant we often frequented.
The chief’s daughter played on her violin
our favorite, Meditation from Thais --
Life was no less complicated but easier
to navigate, with pilot and co-pilot taking
turns. Maybe Heifetz and Massenet in Heaven?
My mother’s Eggplant Parmesan!? Dad said he
would never make it. Like to think we all
eventually do? Put in a good word for me.
See you soon.
Im sorry
I know im a pain but im trying to change
Trying to become what you want
Trying to throw myself away to be what you please
Then when you're done you throw me away and get a new toy
But im always waiting
Waiting for the say you come back and say
“I love you”
Waiting to feel you in my arms
Waiting to feel loved
waiting
Waiting
waiting
A smug smile after being embraced,
Silence takes over,
filling up the air with grace.
Many talks we share that make my heart ache.
Where has the time gone?
Reflection shows my futures and how they are scarce.
Bone structure with definition
Yet, you’re not here to make an impression.
Wonders and worries,
Accepting what has come.
Is this the end for us?
I see the flowers disappearing
And the bees flying frantically
I see the leaves falling
And I see the birds leaving town
I see the snow falling
And I see the gloomy smiles
I see the bleak skies
And I see the emptiness
I see the clear skies
And I see the morning sun
I see a faint image
I see you in a mirage
I want to fly
I want to see you smile
I want to be by your side
While I'm still alive
“Are you okay?”
No. My best friend of 13 weeks has refused to talk to me, refused to look at me, refused to watch me dance, refused to have any human contact with me and she’s interacting with everyone around her even a person she hates and she’s so much better at dancing now than she was when we were like twist ties and her mom read our texts about suicide and self harm and writing poetry and now her phone is gone for what has now been two weeks and she’s told other people about it except me and I’m scared for my life about what I’ve done and how I’m going to solve it and I hope she’s doing okay even though I’m not because I cant even watch her dance without shedding a single tear and I guess she’s better off without me because she’s improved a lot more than she ever would’ve when we were best friends and I’m now realizing no one knowing her feelings and her thoughts and plans of suicide was good for her because now she can’t talk to the one who knew everything and I’m now seeing that I’m the soil to every problem imaginable.
“Yeah, just stressed about my math grade.”
“It’s okay, it’s just a grade. Grades don’t define you.”
but she does.
Friend, what would you give
To not feel the pain of loss
When a child passes?
Why are you so obsessed with ignoring me?
Just let me know you’re still there.
I can't believe you're truly gone
and now it's far too late -
I'll never see your face again
(a thought I truly hate).
I miss the way it used to be:
the way you'd say my name,
recalling how we'd kiss and touch
affects me just the same.
I loved you, Annie, always will,
and tell you from my heart
you were the only one for me -
I knew that from the start.
No way to ease the pain:
I cant have you again.
there's a gentleness in the trade winds
dancing in the palm fronds
just beyond my balcony
where lie the rolling waves
kneading the shore
pelicans gliding those crests aloft
as the magnificent frigates glide above
rare occasions the dolphins debut
racing always southward
past the river and into the bay
thrilling the surfers on the long wave
to have such ocean brethren at play
and the later delights from this view
the setting sun in a disappearing glow
watching continually for that moment
the last gasp of the green flash
but by far my favorite, the descending moon
submerging into a silver highway
a path that beckons me to the other side
where you watch it rise
and as i watch it go
i find happiness in knowing
the joy it brings to one i loved
and still do
the absent one from this balcony
Oregon 9/25/26
MONET WONDERLAND
I remember you
Slowly falling
Cold and soft as snow
Your breath
Painting the glass
Turning the world
A Monet wonderland
You laughed
As my finger tip
Drew a smile
My heart still beats
In your absence
My mind still dreams
Bringing you back
Only to have you leave
When the sun
Melts that smile
At dinner today,
My Mommy and
My Daddy
Were being weird
Instead of them
Usually being tired,
They smiled a lot
Too Smiley
And also
My Daddy made
The food today
Mommy is supposed to make the food
The food didn’t taste yummy
The food tastes yummy always
Mommy and Daddy
Are starting to be
Kinda
Sorta
Just a little
Scary
At night
When I got up
To tell them
I had a nightmare
They were not asleep
Mommy was just
Sitting on the couch
Wide awake
Daddy was smiley again
Too Smiley
Daddy and Mommy
Are starting to be
Kinda
Sorta
Super Duper
Scary
I don’t think
That Mommy
And Daddy
Are the right ones anymore
I saw them pouring
Saltwater on my
Flowers
The ones I got from Mommy
I’m scared
This Mommy
And this Daddy
Are not my
Beautiful
Mommy
Kind
Daddy
Where did they go?
Where Did They Go?
WHERE DID THEY GO?
I want them back
I left the curtains open for you
Just in case you decide to visit
If you ever decide you want to see how things are going,
I left the curtains open for you.
If you ever want to see how far I’ve come since we last spoke
I left the curtains open for you
The curtains are always open
But the window is locked.
And so is the door
I don’t want you to come back in
I didn’t want you to know you were welcome
The curtains are always open
Even though I doubt you’ll ever pass by the window.
Perhaps I'll Know Your Love
Perhaps the light of day comes with a golden ray,
to push the heavy shadows to the side...
Just let me come on home.
Let me finally unload this pain.
Perhaps you'll look past these scars...
and the tears I try so hard to hide,
emotions of a weary soul
hurting deep inside.
Perhaps a life will have love,
not pretending to be...
Every word rolls off the tongue
to carry me, or pull me to your side.
Perhaps someday these pieces will mend,
with reaching arms that can hold
this fragile love that we know.
Perhaps someday my smile no longer fades,
or falls exhausted by my side...
screaming I'm alright.
Perhaps I write these words of love,
praying that you will finally see
the love I've held for you...
Perhaps, someday, I won't pretend to be someone you knew.
Perhaps, someday, you'll love me too.
Debra
It's already been a month.
I am stuck in one place,
yet they march forward.
They are so content
to keep marching forward.
I can't figure out how
it's only been a month, and
I can't march. Can't speak.
I can't find it in me to move forward.
I can't march. Can't speak.
it's only been a month, and
I can't figure out how.
to keep marching forward.
they are so content
yet they march forward.
I am stuck in one place,
It's already been a month.
Soft sun that I can't feel,
Tell me that this isn't real.
Wind whipping at the ends of my hair,
But it doesn't linger there--
No, it doesn't linger there.
I could walk down the same streets, could
Play songs you like on repeat,
But it doesn't linger there--
No, it doesn't linger there.
Metallic and violent, blood on my tongue,
Am I immature, or am I just young?
These things I do, my day-to-day,
Nothing makes it go away.
I carry it with me, heavy like a burden,
Leaning hard against the railing,
Folding in,
I'm folding in,
Wishing I would have lingered in the doorway;
Maybe I wouldn't miss you so much that way.
Standing one foot in, the other out,
I don't even remember what we talked about.
Heavy like a weight,
I can't set you down in this state,
Deformed and misshapen,
Because I didn't linger there--
No, I didn't linger there.
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