Long Vicars Poems

Noise ,Noise, Noise
Bickering and ''whoremongering''
Dirty money for campaigning
repudiation and gallivanting
mudslinging and maligning
Brainwashing and false promises

How did you get on this bloodstained road 
Who advice you to  follow Uncle Pan's  path
A path that is...

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Fires at a blue pills lab threw up a cloud
Settling over the town like a great shroud
And this gigantic mushroom 
Created a baby boom
Because all of the men were very proud...

Tom Cunningham 

It’s no wonder...

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Adolescent infatuations...never consummated

Greetings reader from a cross between an aging seventy inch long (ringing ding dong) haired pencil necked geek and a Norwegian bachelor farmer wannabe; meaning yours truly actually a virtually married Pennsylvania man,...

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Look out lads here we come
Couple of wild girls out for fun
Perfect hair and makeup's fine
Brand new perfume, we smell divine
Skin tight jeans, mini skirts and skimpy knickers
Can't wait for the party its theme is...

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Call it what you may
But I will not go back the other way
Call it what you may
I did not come here to dance or play
I have the keys to the golden box
And I would like...

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(A LIFE TIME IN A DAY)
                      I
So! This is what it’s all about,
to think...

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There’s a party tonight so I bouffe up my hair
Pamper and powder my sweet derrière,
Arrive at the door, all done up to impress.....
Oh man, I forgot! Invite said “fancy dress”!

Pete and Sue are here, seems...

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As Women now have more power and rightly now have a voice
In the western world there are many more opportunities
Than there used to be and so much choice.

While men are today unashamedly in touch with...

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At the edge of the town, hidden amongst the trees
Is a nudist camp where folks walk around as they please
They all go about their business strutting their stuff
And as you've probably guessed, they're all in...

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Window cleaning is my trade and I want to tell my story
Like the time I saw the Vicars wife in the bath in all her glory
Or when I saw the Vicar tied up, I thought...

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We are going to dig to bury our dead:
Mother, father, sisters and brothers,
Uncles, aunts, friends and strangers.
We are going to inter our dead:
Archbishop, pastors, Houngans and vicars.

The altar boys in a row are profusely bleeding.
The...

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Little town do not frown, this is no country circus, there are no smiling clowns,
   please wear that pretty party gown
   One road in and one road out to get us...

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OLD MA.

Old Ma always gave the kids a nice treat
Always nuts and never anything sweet
But they soon found out why
Nuts were in great supply
Choc nut bars she'd only suck cos no teeth...

NO HIDING PLACE.

An old...

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We were invited to a party; the theme was tarts and vicars
Though I better get in the part and get some skimpy knickers
Well I can’t go out in my ‘Bridget Jones’ drawers
If I give them...

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I don't believe in Santa Claus
The way that I once did
I know dad brings the presents
Cos I found where they were hid

Don't be silly said my mum
Santa's not your pop
I said I found a wig...

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In aquamarine ran off my warmth traversing 
mild meadows with swallows of ash 
past the pink sunset 

Three cherry cardinals swooped past partly pleased 
the brook trickled near 

Evading were than icon imaginings 
the following...

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My auntie wears 'Bridget Jones' knickers
But last week at tea at the vicars
She’d purloined MY lace thong
It was morally wrong
T’was the cause of very loud snickers

My thong’s wedged between her butt crack
Stuck firmly between front...

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A day in the life of the Evening News
Headline stories and various views
Robson Green, stole the vicars wife
I forgive him said the vicar, that's just life
An aeroplane, is hit by a drone
A girl is mugged...

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Our Religious Inheritance 

Our cultural Christianity has become Meaningless 
Don`t think about it
God is all forgiving 
Lukewarm morning piss has our beliefs became 
We make fun of vicars
Other denominations laugh at our religion
Try telling a...

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Yesterday:
Ant-hillers danced within the sky 
(Pig-watchers and men clashed!)

Today:
(The sky still cloudy for ant-hillers)
Every ant is summoned
To departmental communions
Where pot-bellied acolytes
(Armed with their mater’s song)
Meet the hungry lads & lasses –

The vergers
Spoke like verslibrists
Their lines...

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hear the happy skittle 
knows he isn't brittle
laughs at flying spittal 
from the vicars

see the sullen dancer
living fearing cancer
seldom wants an answer
always bickers

smell the Christmas fairy
legs and arms so hairy
makes me rather wary
nostril pickers

man who's...

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Everyone listened, but nobody talked,
  as the Vicar rode on by

His horse an old swayback, loaded with bibles
  stove hat pointing up toward the sky

Everyone listened, but nobody smiled,
  as the Vicar...

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And the cemetery was a  picture of serenity
A heavenly place your descendants resting place. 
An angel with a broken wing stared down reverentially
on lost generations and delivers her final grace 
Gods acre, where a...

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