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THE WINDOW CLEANER

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Window cleaning is my trade and I want to tell my story Like the time I saw the Vicars wife in the bath in all her glory Or when I saw the Vicar tied up, I thought there'd been a slaying I called the police but it turned out, t'was a game that they were playing. And Mrs Smith from two doors down, well she is kind of hot Always leaves big gaps in her drapes just to show me what she's got Next door to her a stripper lives, well she just doesn't care She walks around as I try to clean and yes she's totally bare. Then across from her a nymphomaniac lives, she's always wanting more Whenever I call to clean her glass there's men queueing at her door I always cringe when I knock her door to ask her for my money She always offers payment in flesh; winks and calls me honey. Next door to her is 'Dirty Pete' watches movies all day long Not Hollywood films you understand but titles like King Dong Well I'm no prude each to his own but quadrophonic sound! The first time that he blasted it, I fell off my ladder to the ground. Round the corner is Jim and Sue, she always calls me handsome I heard it from the man next door they want me for a threesome Well maybe to some weirdy folk, it is their fantasy Not my thing I assure you 'cos she is eighty three. The sorority house I'd leave till last ' cos I found it hard to cope They always leave the windows ajar to let out the fumes of dope Then the world around me, would turn colourful and bright My eyes would see some very strange things and I'd fly high as a kite. See that's what I have to endure, to make an honest living I never tell my wife you know, she'd be so unforgiving When I get home she always asks, "Darling how was your day?" I tell her each time same old same old, but it helps me pay my way. Written 8th November 2020.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2020




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Date: 4/5/2022 7:20:00 PM
Such a hilarious read ! How all these weird characters have come together in one locality.... I wonder..... one pair beating the other ! However so glad for the great laugh you allowed me, Tom.
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 4/6/2022 12:13:00 AM
Thank you very much Valsa, I'm happy that you enjoyed the humour. The world needs more of it. Enjoy your day. Tom
Date: 5/23/2021 2:15:00 PM
Good flow, rhythm, and rhyme in these lines. A little risque' I would definitely say. It takes all kinds to make up our world even though some of the kinds are definitely on the wrong road leading to destruction. Thanks for the visit to my page. Sara
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 5/23/2021 2:40:00 PM
Thank you very much Sara, I know its a bit on the bawdy side but I can imagine some things like that a window cleaner would encounter. Tom
Date: 12/13/2020 1:18:00 PM
This is a laugh out loud read! Your writing is so enjoyable. I imagine the window cleaner never has a boring day at work, thank you for the fun read, Annette
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 12/13/2020 1:25:00 PM
Thank you very much Annette, im happy that you enjoyed the humour. Tom
Date: 11/21/2020 10:19:00 AM
Tom so many fringe benefits lol.
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 11/21/2020 11:36:00 AM
Thank you very much Michael, lol, he certainly loves his job, rain, snow or shine. Tom
Date: 11/13/2020 5:58:00 PM
Haha brilliant!! Really enjoyed reading this. Well done!
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 11/21/2020 9:51:00 AM
Thank you very much Lisa, glad it gave you a laugh. Tom
Date: 11/13/2020 4:14:00 PM
G’day Tom … it seems like a great neighborhood to work in Tom. Do you get danger money? - thanks Tom - Lindsay
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 3/17/2021 7:23:00 AM
Thank you Lindsay, danger money and perks, life is good. Tom
Date: 11/11/2020 10:51:00 AM
Tom, a fun read, and the music is perfect _Constance
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 11/11/2020 10:53:00 AM
Thank you very much Constance, im happy you enjoyed the humour. It was the song that inspired me. Tom
Date: 11/11/2020 3:53:00 AM
- A wonderful humorous story, Tom :) - What we do not know ... we have not hurt :) - hugs // Anne-Lise :)
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 11/11/2020 5:22:00 AM
Thanks Anne, so true, hope you are well, just taking a break from painting. I'm on the home straight now. Tom
Date: 11/10/2020 4:11:00 PM
LOL What a tough life it is to be a window cleaner! Your creative approach to this already witty topic had me in stitches, Tom, especially "King Dong." A delightful poem for my favorites!!! Hugs, Carolyn
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 11/10/2020 4:16:00 PM
Thank you very much Carolyn, im happy that you enjoyed it, thanks too for the fave, I hope that you are keeping well. Tom
Date: 11/10/2020 10:09:00 AM
I would imagine window cleaners see a lot of things, and I think your imagination could've kept writing all sorts of scenarios. Good writing, Tom!
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 11/10/2020 12:06:00 PM
Thank you very much Jenna, I only clean my windows and never see anything lol I might add some more when time allows, still knee deep in paint but hopefully tomorrow I should be done. Have swapped my lance for a paintbrush. Hope you are well. Tom
Date: 11/10/2020 5:15:00 AM
LOL Tom. This is funny. I was cleaning windows at my house the other day. Thankfully, just my home, nothing else to contend with :)
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 11/10/2020 5:39:00 AM
Thank you very much Heidi, bet they have some stories to tell lol Tom
Date: 11/9/2020 6:48:00 PM
Tom, this is SUCH a classic! What a bawdy, wink-wink romp! Just love it. Thanks for the laughs this evening, my friend. Here's to your funny-bone. Keep 'em coming! Grins wider than chins, Gershon
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 11/10/2020 12:19:00 AM
Thank you very much Gershon, im happy that you enjoyed it. What a job eh, lol Tom
Date: 11/9/2020 11:14:00 AM
Way toooooo cute and funny. I am still laughing. What a great job you have washing all the windows. You are a great story teller/writer. I also love the picture. Have a great day writing away................
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 11/9/2020 11:16:00 AM
Thank you very much Paula, im happy you enjoyed the humour. I hope you are well. Tom
Date: 11/9/2020 11:06:00 AM
Tom that’s just hilarious, gave me a good laugh, a window cleaner would never get bored if all that’s going on behind closed doors. Loved it, Belle
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 11/9/2020 11:11:00 AM
Thank you very much Belle, I think I chose the wrong profession lol Bet they see many unusual sights Tom
Date: 11/9/2020 7:59:00 AM
This is hilarious! Well crafted and I got a big kick out of it. I'll be giggling all day. Superb writing. Chantelle hugs
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 11/9/2020 8:44:00 AM
Thank you very much Chantelle, im happy that you enjoyed it. Tom
Date: 11/9/2020 4:14:00 AM
LOL, absolutely brilliant Tom, this was a laugh out loud moment for me and is a sure fav too, Hope you had a good weekend, Emilia : )
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 11/9/2020 4:18:00 AM
Thank you very much Emilia, glad you enjoyed the humour. Thanks too for the fave, up to my neck painting at the moment, another couple of days and it should be done. Hope you're well too. Tom
Date: 11/9/2020 2:03:00 AM
Lol! Tom, I really enjoyed your humorous tale. That is one interesting neighborhood. Well done:-) Alexis
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 11/9/2020 4:15:00 AM
Thank you Alexis, I only clean my own windows but those that do it for a living, I bet they've seen a few sights lol Tom
Date: 11/8/2020 10:03:00 PM
Very witty poem. Your neighbours are something to remember. ~~
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 11/9/2020 12:58:00 AM
Thank you Victor, heard that blast from the past George Formby, when im cleaning windows and it inspired me. Tom
Date: 11/8/2020 5:23:00 PM
This is quite a story, Tom--vividly descriptive and hilarious Janice
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 11/9/2020 12:56:00 AM
Thank you very much Janice, im happy you enjoyed it Tom
Date: 11/8/2020 12:54:00 PM
great humorous writing, Tom. I really enjoyed this. (such a neighborhood. haha)
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 11/8/2020 12:55:00 PM
Thank you very much Andrea, it will put our neighborhood on the world map lol. Tom
Date: 11/8/2020 12:26:00 PM
ha! i can always use a good laugh, tom - thanks for supplying me with one today...
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 11/8/2020 12:28:00 PM
Thank you very much Ilene, im happy you enjoyed it. Tom
Date: 11/8/2020 12:26:00 PM
I agree with Bill and I think there was something similar to the carry on movies about a window cleaner.. you always make me smile...
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 11/8/2020 12:30:00 PM
Thanks S.O. I met Barbara Windsor once in Lewis's in Birmingham. I used to love watching them, classic British comedy. Tom
Date: 11/8/2020 11:56:00 AM
Make this a POTD... I envy you so. That you can be funny but Never nasty, Maria loved it, as well. Pangie xx
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 11/8/2020 12:09:00 PM
Thank you Panagiota, im happy you and Maria enjoyed it. Had a break from painting. Tom
Date: 11/8/2020 11:24:00 AM
Hello Tom, I also think he enjoys his job. He never knows what will happen next. Thensurprised when something happens. Enjoy your day my friend.
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Darlene De Beaulieu
Date: 11/9/2020 10:16:00 AM
Hello Tom, I think he does as well. Your right, he won't tell his wife. LOL. Enjoy your day my friend.
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 11/8/2020 11:56:00 AM
Thank you very much Darlene I think he does, but he wont be telling his wife lol. Tom
Date: 11/8/2020 11:23:00 AM
Brilliant--hilarious, Tom. Amazed by your creative spirits and story telling skills. A fun read, indeed!
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 11/8/2020 11:55:00 AM
Thank you Vijay. Im happy you enjoyed it. Tom
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