Long Rude Poems
Long Rude Poems. Below are the most popular long Rude by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Rude poems by poem length and keyword.
There's an old English song called All Jolly Fellows That Follow The PLow. The tune works fine as is for the chorus and with the verses if the tune for the 3rd and 4th lines is repeated for th 5th and 6th. Well, it works for me but my singing has never been much hindered by tunes.
It was after that big game one long gone September,
the score line was one I’d like not to remember,
in a small Richmond pub not too far from the ground,
we all settled down with our sorrows to drown.
We were well on the way, as were most of the crowd,
when in came a young pedlar a shouting out loud.
Sausages, sold by the yard or the pound!
Get a fresh sausage, the best to be found!
It’ll make your wife happy of that there’s no doubt,
with her very own snag she won’t need to dine out.
Cried the barmaid, “How many do I get to a yard?”
“Madam, four if they’re soft or three if they’re hard”
She felt for the soft ones, she wanted a lot,
but the more that she squeezed em the harder they got.
She found not a sausage was e’en a bit soft
so she told the young pedlar to go get far offed
Sausages, sold by the yard or the pound!
Get a fresh sausage, the best to be found!
It’ll make your wife happy of that there’s no doubt,
with her very own snag she won’t need to dine out.
Said the pedlar, “Why madam no need to be rude.
And in fact what you told me was verging on crude
But you don’t look so bad for a foul mouthed old sow
so step on outside, if you like, with me now.
If you play your cards right I might squeeze your left breast.
If I find I like that I might squeeze all the rest.”
Sausages, sold by the yard or the pound!
Get a fresh sausage, the best to be found!
It’ll make your wife happy of that there’s no doubt,
with her very own snag she won’t need to dine out.
Said the barmaid to pedlar, “You are a right jerk,
I’m a barmaid and never do mission’ry work.
But if you're near to the shops and you buy me some eggs,
I might squeeze that there pimple you’ve got ‘tween your legs.”
Then she said something that made the whole crowd guffaw,
“And will you stop off at home and please check the back door?”
“
Sausages, sold by the yard or the pound!
Get a fresh sausage, the best to be found!
It’ll make your wife happy of that there’s no doubt,
with her very own snag she won’t need to dine out.
For Cyndi MacMillan's pub song contest
MY CRAZY CREATURES
This rhyme's about creatures of various sorts.
Creatures with fangs, hairy bellies and warts.
They cause lots of mischief all day long.
Mum always blames me but I’ve done nothing wrong.
These creatures are crazy. They’re not what you'd think.
Turn over the page. Find out more in a blink...
The first is Belcher. He really does stink.
He lives in the toilet and plays in the sink.
He likes to be naughty when nobody's in.
He cannot be found when you're searching for him.
Dad always moans when he sees all the stains.
I tell him it’s Belcher, “He’s done it again!”
Two thinks that she’s pretty, but really she’s not.
She has warts on her face and is covered in spots.
She has a big bottom and six hairy feet.
Her name is Ghastly. She’s really not sweet.
She steals mum’s lipstick and paints her mouth red.
She tries on her dresses, throwing clothes on the bed.
As soon as mum enters she’s so quick to flee.
I guess that’s why my mum always blames me.
Number three is so quiet but I know that he’s there.
He smudges my face and puts glue in my hair.
I call him Hush Monster as he follows me round,
Putting mud on my clothes without making a sound.
I aim for the paper but the pen marks my face.
Mum looks at me glumly, "You're such a disgrace."
I try to tell her that it just wasn't me.
"It was Hush monster, Mummy. Why can't you see?"
The worst of them all is a creature called Doom.
I'm always in trouble when he's in the room.
He often burps loudly when we're eating our food.
Mum frowns with disgust. "Now, don't be so rude!"
He cackles with laughter whilst spilling my drink.
"Be careful," shouts dad. "Don't you ever think?"
You may well wonder why he's never been caught.
Well…he's the size of a pea and he’s very well taught.
He rolls under the sofa after doing things bad,
And I look to my parents who seem really mad.
These crazy creatures I like the best.
I’m glad I could share them with you and the rest.
Belcher, Ghastly and a monster called Hush,
Then don't forget Doom. They all make me blush.
They live in my house and like to cause bother,
Driving everyone mad, especially my mother.
They’re experts in mischief. They get me in trouble.
Now I’ll tell you a secret that may burst your bubble.
Whilst these creatures are crazy it has to be said,
They don’t really exist, “They’re all in my head!”
A fairyland fable is a magic table floating around but nit with a rallying cry. That is purely reserved for several synchronised cruise ships whose sunbathing missions thwart many a delivery driver. It is with great interest that an interest is neither a monetary aim at a bank or an inked out financial score singing a palate of possibilities. So go call the cat then. Go on. Meow meow. Dinner time. There you go. Fresh tuna is very scared now. Oh dear. And all the little flakes hard at work minced flesh in factories never really has a rest does it? Dilapidated dog during digging. And a great big wish from a ten thousand kilo cake is a celebrated glow in an outer solar sphere. Clap them all. Many cakes many spheres. Loud claps. And shouting at the mail is equivalent to eating beans on toast at several hundred miles an hour upside down in a bucket. It is in many weathers that a tall lanky snail circles a circuit in a rally car. Very very fast. Well done. There is a crown and a bursting champagne bottle whose antics on the plane were quite rude and non productive. However showering the podium with released bubble is quite a feat of engineering and requires precision mathematics too. So never ever become intoxicated if holding a compass, a text book, six lined sheets of paper, ten pencils and an organic cheeseburger with salad. Marketing making money moguls merry. And the swimming curry is out for the day in the lake occasionally resting on a Papadopoulos papadum boat who whips a papaya to create a cocktail. How rather quaint that is isn't it? How many radiuses are there in a pear? And how many tents can be made from a single pair of tights? These are highly significant questions to ask at a time when the antipepiscides are at the protest. Rioting. And tootling along the lane came a little green car whose plan was ever only to drink copious amounts of tea at the inn of then. Saviour not a sanctified secretion of a sweet set of stagnant striped silk. And enter no password of hi dee hi on a billboard for frames are allowing much to pass by over the cliffs. So watch out if carrying ten cars, a wobbly bus, and a twelfth century castle for it is the marksman who are marking a book from a diocese, a school and a university of agha banks. Couple that then. Great. Hahaha fantasy fig floating around hahaha banana bandana bringing bee balancing. Xxxxx metropolitans z
Form:
I stood there one day
With my feet in the sand
Water to my waist
And hands spread around
The fish, all swam close
And swept against me
My fingers they nibbled
I felt so much glee
Nature’s beauty at best
When you feel all at one
When with wild you connect
It’s like touching the sun
Went there each day
To swim with the fish
Love that feeling I get
When my legs they do kiss
Then one day I met Carol,
She was feeding them all
Four years she said now
And took a roll call
She showed me the babies
And thousand there were
All growing and healthy
In this violent world
She shared with me bread
So I could feed them too
And I love her for that
I feel so in tune
She told me of trouble
With this one and that
Not wanting her feeding
Those fish where we’ve at
One friend he told me
A petition being signed
Opposing the feeding
Of our fish friends this time
I can not believe it
Can not understand
This world in such shortage
Few fish in our times
And here is someone
Heart big as can be
Doing something for this world
So good, as I see
One day she did ask me
If fish I could feed
Cause she could not make it
Was busy as a bee
Was happy to do that
Cause I love to feed them
And next morning was there
Bright, early and free
Those people I spoke about
Where so rude to me
They shouted, took photos,
Tried to intimidate me
I wonder at those people
In this world that were in
Where is their goodness
Hearts hard as can be
One day Carol, she told me
Abuse they did cause
They scattered her bread
All over the shore
What’s wrong with these people?
I can only ask
We are feeding some fish
There’s no harm in us
This world that we long for
Of peace and harmony
Of getting along
And having nature be free
How will we ever find it?
When as you can see
There are people out there
Who scream - commit perjury?
Shame on you people
We are doing no harm
Just feeding some fish
Just let us be calm
And we hope that you fishes
All grow up to fill
These oceans of ours
With food for our plead
I want for my children
And those next in line
To know what a fish is
In all ages of time
There is so many out there
Who kill and destroy
Who maim native animals
And shamelessly slaughter
So thank you dear Carol
For what you have done
For love you have given
To fishes all in one
You can't imagine what its like to march on a sacred city,
to plunder and pulverize a Peoples' promise to Deity,
demolishing centuries of lavish labor, wasting offspring of ancient heredity,
destroying flesh, scriptures and stone with a savage Roman military synergy,
a discipline determined in it's destruction of dissention, inspired by ancestral victory,
politics was not our purview, methodical punishment was our specialty,
We were War's royalty, we were Legio XV Apollonaris,
monsters of Mars, messengers of Apollo, the juggernaut of Jupiter,
along with 11 other Legions led by General Titus, 60, 000 cuts of glory we stood,
for 3 and a half years we fought through Jewish guerilla ambush
asymetrical urban warfare welting our progress like a pirate pestilence
district after district, hell spell after hell spell we bled with chilled maneuver,
the Zealots were pyromaniacs, burnt sacraficers, their zeal and our bodies zesty wood,
in the Kidron Valley they flooded the streets " knee high " with oiled water
as the Cohorts waded through the lanes leery, a torch was tossed, flames rose in rush
240 men perished like spazing stars trapped in a box, our grief agape with a horrified crush,
as reprimand, Titus made the Legate sit in a tent with his chopped off ring finger
smoldering like hot sand in the hand of a marooned man aware of error in his plan,
the insurgents had men we called Fox Tails, desperate demons who knew how Hell began,
as a skirmish succumbed to our skill and number they would run into apartments,
dragging the fury of our blades into rooms of Hades revenge, these were fire entrapments,
the buildings would blaze like windowed volcanos, screams salting us with panic linger,
It was not uncommon to discover a missing Brother Legionary
castrated, and decapitated with a headedless eagle carved upon his chest,
don't speak to me about morals and mercy for I have seen and dealt the damage of rude death
hate becomes your Father, vengence your Mother, aggravated murder your cause
when everything you revere and fear merge to make a leviathen of life,
the " Chosen People " of God became the chosen target of annihilation,
Mount Moriah, mansion of Yahweh the Pariah would become capital of Divine crucifixion,
J.A.B.
This poem has been entered into the Roman Legion Contest
to honor Ancient Rome and the Poet who sponsored this historical subject.
Nestled under blankets,
the gentle whirring sound
soothes the savage beast
within mine body electric
of one generic, opportunistic,
and wholistic garden variety man.
Within blink of closed eye
yours truly transported
into the realm of deep sleep
benumbed to reality as unconscious guy
experiencing dynamic vivid dreams
courtesy Fluoxetine Hcl
(C17H18F3NO·HCl)
known as Selective
Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI),
especially prescribed to treat
depression, panic disorder,
and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Holmes tower fan whooshing air
analogous to sonogram (ultrasound)
infiltrates slumbering snorer (me)
best not to awaken papa bear,
cuz he will roar loud and clear
disrupted sleep upends ability to function
no joking psyche riddled
with profound anxiety and despair
subsequent havoc wrought
on par whereby mailer daemons ensnare
co opting, conquering,
and compromising blissful state
deadened head reveling
within private webbed world
regarding unscripted drama deep inside
temporal lobe of brain,
the hippocampus might conjure
time traveling circa Renaissance faire
wordsmith metaphorically possessed
remonstrated by fire breathing dragon
evidenced fiery breathing
affect nostrils to snort and flare
awoke from necessary dreams,
I would angrily glare
frightfully enough to induce goosebumps,
and raise every small hair
along spine uncontrollable fury
communicating shattered functionality
essentially rude awakening would impair
ability to experience joie de vivre.
Debilitating panic attack invariably triggered
similar to Tonga underwater volcano
eruption January 15th, 2022
constituting physiological displeasures
chiefly vertigo, racing heart, nausea,
excessive perspiration, adrenaline
coursing thru body,
whereby Prozac (brand name regarding
aforementioned synthesized chemical)
ameliorated unbearable,
unmanageable, untenable...
earth-shaking, devastating,
and crushing manifestations
disabling, exhausting, hijacking,
jackknifing, sabotaging, and wrecking
life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness.
Kickstarting psychological equilibrium
linkedin with savoring at least bajillion winks
else sixty plus shades of gray matter methinks
knotted courtesy cerebral gordian knotted kinks
yours truly feels discombobulated
teetering and tottering atop brinks
of figurative precipice.
I see you around school
Hoping you think I’m cool
Trying to not be a fool.
I look in your eyes
And I die in side
Because I’m so shy to say how I feel
It’s so unreal
The beauty that runs through my mind
Makes me think I’m blind.
Because I’m focused on one thing.
And that’s a daughter of a king.
Wanting to be the one to give you a ring.
But I’m a weird guy who thinks he can sing.
You have beauty inside out
Without a doubt
That’s what I’m threatened about
I don’t like to tap out
So at times I may black out
I don’t want to give up on my dreams
I respect the marines.
But my dream is to be with you
I want to stick to you like glue
Maddison this is hand written just for you
Wishing one day you’ll be mine.
You’re the sun that shines.
I may not be perfection
But I’ll be your protection.
I hope I’m not coming on too strong.
I’m sorry that this note is very long.
I’m sorry when I’m rude.
That just means I want food.
I love your attitude.
You think I’m being creepy
I hope I’m not too cheesy.
I don’t know why God would allow an angel to walk on this planet
Most guys only want one thing in high school
And it’s really disrespectful
As for me I’m different
If I ever get the chance
I’d probably show you how bad I can dance
Id treat you like a lady
That sounds crazy
But the truth is I’m not lazy
I act like a goof ball
The truth is I fall
Like I’m drinking alcohol.
With your long dark hair, and beautiful smile
I really hope you don’t think I’m a juvenile
Like my friend Kyle.
I’m definitely not the smartest.
I’m definitely not the largest.
You’re the coolest regardless.
I hope you’re not uncomfortable
Trust me I would hate to make you miserable
If you don’t like poetry
I’m sorry this is the only fun way I can speak honestly.
Again I’m sorry if I’m rude
Writing this I just slipped on an ice cube.
You should know who I am.
You’re the type of girl that I would call a Grand slam
I don’t really know how to show emotions
Even when I almost made an explosion.
You are the type of girl any guy would be lucky to have
You are the type of girl guys wished they had
You are the type of girl guys would never forget if they lose
They’ll get the blues
I would tell you my name
But I’m too shy to explain
My lady
I hope someday I can call you my baby
Back in my day shell suits were the latest fashion
And I made sure I wore my diamond socks with a passion
The only sky I knew was the one up above my head
No dvd player, just a betamax had to do instead
The only laptop I knew was the tray my dinner was served in
No sat nat to direct us, just maps and a lot of guessing
My social network involved playing outdoors with my friends
If I had an important message there was no text for me to send
Instead I would simply go and knock on the door
And enjoy a good game of hopscotch, drawn neatly on the floor
If I wanted to listen to music I held my boom box to my ear
And I felt like a millionaire in my latest pair of L.A Gear
No ipod to shuffle or touch just my sony walkman
No google to look for answers, just the library to depend on
No Ipad, no playbook, just a good old storybook
It may even be in hardback if I had any luck
No freeview, no Virgin, I was lucky to even have colour tv
And a rubiks cube would suffice, never mind an XBOX 360
It was all about hammer time and wearing those pants
And the theme tune to Fraggle Rock I would happily chant
No cyber bullying, only cyber I knew was the tamagocchi pet
No loading plates into the dishwasher as it hadn't been invented yet
No cd player, my cassettes were the in thing
And to have a sovereign ring on every finger meant you had some bling
The A Team, crossroads, tiswas and happy days was the programmes I watched
No series links or reminders to watch programmes like Lost
No rewinding the tv or pausing whilst I nip to the loo
Instead I had to ask someone and hope that they have a clue
No Adidas for me, just my trusted bum bag
My girls world doll and scrunche's were things I just had to have
In my day the only kid I wanted was a cabbage patch kid
Not a real one so that in a hostel I can live
No PS3, no Wii, no Vita or Nintendo DS 3d
Just my good old NES on my four channel tv
Care bears, the moomins, playschool and dangermouse
No crimewatch to make me afraid to be in my house
In my days if I was rude I would get a good smack
And I couldn't dare say the clothes you just bought me were whack
No microwave dinners, No chinese takeaway for me
Saturday soup was the best, one big bowl balancing on your knee
The 80's and the 90's I enjoyed it while it did last
But every now and again I take a glimpse of the past
Heartfelt light… falls gentle on my dew drenched silence,
When moon is fading beneath the silent blessings,
Raining through the moments, healing with soft expressions
Moments alive with the flames of joy kindled to birth,
Praying into the depths of grace, with faith beyond imagining,
Faith that is the greatest thing since the angelic wings…
Embracing souls with a deep and everlasting peace, serenity
Warm like autumn’s crimson chuckle with its own brand of rustling
From the songs who glisten with the stars, leafy answers
To the wind’s distress – the feeling like a flavor of tempting sincerity,
The abiding of truth in the glowing embers of an emotional storm…
One who delights in the flavors of stardust shimmers, reflecting
Hearts and souls, intimate as the darkness’ ghost – whimsical and fearless,
Listening to the rude remarks of pines and laurels who lust for glowing
Grace, enchanting as deep sapphire skies who breathe through
Twilight dreams, stunning as the fires from September camping like
Endless stories, the ones who never end because the last page
Is the most beautiful amen, the agreement to abide in the pleasant
Yes, indeed… amen to the moments when hope is extracted
From the fears and there is only the evidence of gentle in soul felt tears
Blessing away the rusty realization, the caress of an imagination
When yesterday was the peace, both quiet and bold…
Expressing the music gesturing through the melancholy,
Blending with rhythms of dancing leaves, the season’s abundance
Blessings, corn and apples, pumpkins in bold ginger
Expressions of the harvest collected by the moments in burgundy
Hazy moments, crisp and cool morning rising with the beautiful
More inspiring than the wonders of a summer’s soft kiss,
Chasing the winds of grace, like laughter in the soul, growing kinder
As the moments pass, outshining the moon’s glow and the spring’s show
Flowery and stunning, beyond words – yes, autumn rises
Inside those who know her as the exalting treasure she has become.
Hallowing the ghostlike promise of yesterday’s mesmerizing
The magnificent silence of God’s blessed peppering …
Spice of the season who is forever more wonderful than poetry
Could possibly portray, more like the spell cast by hope
Who knows that His love, His love is poured out on Autumn’s soul
For many years I have realized that our hearts are very deceptive and unreliable. I cannot imagine how many times my heart has let me down and exposed the dark and negative aspects of it. Please permit me to share just one experience with you.
Thumbing through some old material a few days ago, I came across something that I experienced over 40 years ago and more than 2000 miles away. When I read the notes which had been in my possession for more than 35 years, my soul was enriched because I was sharing about the need for dedicating our lives to God which often demands that we take the initiative to say, "I'm Sorry", not only to God but also to fellow humans, even if we think that we are right.
On January 2, 1983, I referred to an encounter I had with a nurse in or about 1975 in Memphis, Tn. Now, 40 plus years later, I remember being in Memphis, but I don't even remember such an encounter. Had I not recorded the incident, I would not be speaking of it today. My notes reveal that a point was being made about changing our minds and taking the initiative to apologize. My notes also revealed that I was indignant toward the nurse, after which I left the scene and was heading home. Somewhere between that nurse and my home, The Holy Spirit convicted me of my actions and attitude.
Again, presently, I do not remember what really happened, but not only was I convicted by The Holy Spirit, I was compelled by Him to find a public telephone. Before I reached home, I telephoned the nurse and apologized for my behavior.
God knows every detail of what happened that day in Memphis, and I suspect if shown a video of my behavior, I would be embarrassed, to say the least, and perhaps surprised by the anger released from my heart. For many a year, we have heard it said, "Follow your heart". Technically, I do not follow my heart, but I lead my heart. And but for the grace of God, the cleansing blood of Christ, and the compelling forces of The Holy Spirit, I would be forever lost.
02162019PoSpMTFB