The Poo Poo Bird
They pursued it with vigor, they pursued it with crass
They hunted with valor and hope
They proceeded with a dose of good Knightly sass
They chased it with tackle and rope
Now King Arthur declared in a boisterous voice
He was tired of the usual meats
And would now on demand a much wider choice
On what he desired to eat
'Bring me fresh meat,' the King so declared
'Or I will boil your bones for my broth.'
They all knew the tale... when a previous knight failed
And his life was forsaken and lost.
They brought the King frogs, giraffes, snake meat and ferrets
As well as meat from a bear, two bats, beaver and quail
Also baboons, moose, sharks and one lonely parrot
Who told a story about the flavor of snails.
'No!' The King cried in sovereign disgust
As his anger began to accrue
'If you value your lives and desire my trust
You will find me fresh meat for my stew.'
The Green Knight stepped forward to answer the call
And tell of a valley that was narrow and dark
Where a Creature existed who was prone to appall
As its manner was fearsome and stark
'The Poo Poo bird is the one who you need
As its flesh is both salty and sweet
If we are brave and you let us proceed
We will bring back the most chosen of meats.'
The Black and Green Knights were given the right
To participate in their King's meaty quest
They put away fear, they put away fright,
They were ready to take on the test.
'Off with you and be on your way,'
Said the King to the Knights of the round
In the morning they would journey for several days
To the dark valley where Poo Poos are found.
It was commonly known to those with some say..
These Knights were not the sharpest of wits.
This came to a head after a couple of days
When both horses just gave up and quit.
'I have to admit,' said the Black Knight in haste
'I have no knowledge that Poo Poos exist.
I know nothing of their height, weight or even their taste
And whether the King would find them hard to resist?'
'Be of good cheer,' the Green Knight replied
'I saw a Poo Poo when last on this trail
I barely escaped and I have to confide,
It ended my search for the Grail.'
'The Poo Poo is an odd looking bird
Quite worthy of poetic lament
But as to its mood, it's both frugal and shrewd
And would not lend you a farthing or cent.'
'It knows nothing of manners and fashion aside
And wears a hat that is far out of date.
The bird is especially bad at trying to decide
Whether to wear boots, sandals or skates.'
'The Poo Poo has a tendency to whistle at night...
Depriving others of much wanted sleep
And to make matters worse, it's often contrite
But in the day makes nary a peep.'
'Its political bent makes not a smidgen of sense
As its vote can never be bought.
This gives rise to an even greater offense...
A mentation of broad-minded thoughts.'
Now the days turned to night and back into day
As the Sun and the Moon took their usual turns.
While they followed the trail, slowly making their way...
Through the woods, the trees and the ferns.
They reached the valley with the light of the Moon
Where they would look for the Poo Poo that night.
Hoping the hunt would end fairly soon
Slaying a Poo Poo before dawns early light.
They lumbered about in a state of disgrace...
Making enough noise to wake a laburnum tree
They were blind as a bat but continued the chase...
Seeing neither a figget, flapper or flea.
They pursued it with vigor, they pursued it with crass.
They hunted with valor and hope.
They proceeded with a dose of good Knightly sass.
They chased it with tackle and rope.
The Sun rose in the East as it most often does
To warm the Knights who were spent from the grind.
A long night of hunting had yielded nothing because
The Poo Poo bird was one step behind.
The Poo Poo bird said, 'You look tired and lost.
Are you sure what you seek demands your attention?
It's been my experience to pay such a cost
Is too much work and defies social convention.'
'Stand fast,' the Green Knight said with conceit...
'We have come to make short work of your life.
Our King demands a prudent taste of your meat...
We will carve you up with clever and knife.'
'That's shockingly rude,' replied the bird as it should
'I am the only Poo Poo left of my breed
If a Knight is known to do nothing but good,
An extinction seems the most heinous of deeds.'
The Green and Black Knight lowered their heads
Knowing the Poo Poo had made a strong case
But disappointing the King now filled them with dread
As their necks would be stretched from their face.
'I have something,' spoke the Poo Poo to lighten the mood
'It is a delicacy and a most wondrous invention
Give this to your King... he will enjoy such a food
And you'll avoid any sovereign type tension.'
They returned to the castle with their lives to defend...
Presenting the King with what the Poo Poo had given.
Thinking the story would end with their glorious friends
All excited to see they were still living.
The King was upset and poured on the heat
As he let fly a most odious rant.
For the Knights had the gall to present a strange treat...
A burger made from an edible plant.
'What is this?' The King yelled in disgust
'Do you take me for some poor pastured cow?'
'Please give it a try,' said the Knights... ignoring his fuss
'It is a food worthy for one such as thou.'
Should you meet such a bird fresh from its lair...
Offering up plants thought to be beef.
Beware of the Poo Poo and the gifts it may bare...
But be not fooled... it tastes nothing like meat.
They pursued it with vigor... they pursued it with crass.
They had hunted with valor and hope.
They had proceeded with a dose of good Knightly sass...
But ended their lives at the end of a rope.
The End
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