Long Ned Poems

NOTE:  This is the 2nd THIRD of a funny 3-part piece. No other way to post it due to file size limitations. It's a really fun poem, and I hope you'll take the time...

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Here's the scoop, friends...
   This is, as indicated, the 1st THIRD of this fairly lengthy poem. The 2nd and 3rd parts had to be posted separately due to Poetry Soup's file-size limitations. No...

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NOTE: This is the final THIRD of a funny 3-part poem. You'll find the 1st and 2nd parts on my homepage, of course. I hope you'll take the time to read the whole thing, it's...

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Spouse cannot forget mine suppressed flatulence upon our first date

While yours truly sat here 
at the desk housing MacBook Pro,
pondering his next idée fixe apropos
for gamut of anonymous readers,
he unexpectedly, noisily and effectually
exploded out rear...

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My  name is Mattie Ross and I hail from Yell County
In the state of Arkansas living, on a ranch with family
At the age of fourteen I suffered personal tragedy
When my father Frank Ross was...

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Rental rebate plus affordable rent...

One benefit living at
Highland Manor Apartments
until decrepit and bent...
constitutes qualifying for reimbursement
direct deposited into checking
as chump change event,
hence one generic grateful gent
feels self satisfied as Clark Kent.

After wing and prayer
granted courtesy...

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Brief Mane n' Tail shampoo tall (tell) tale

Living social amidst 
crime infested urban jungle 
bumping uglies cheek to jowl 
analogous fate being housed in jail
escape room of great outdoors 
spurred subject matter in question
to journey...

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ACT I

Night enters. Ned Sandy: paralysed in eye by gun shot. 

Scene: Mannequin with rotting limbs “Deadman on the Freeway.” 
And instead of being the good guy, he’s good, bad, worse. 
Why kill? Don’t know...

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From ‘The Woe of Roanoke ‘
It wasn’t just the gale that chilled his skin
As he mulled on the cannibal captured within.
In trembling state he clenched close his cane
To rap tap the gate of the jail...

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"Blame it on the rain", for business 
on your sunny day, 
though it is a provider for you, 
you provide a poo poo.
World, obstain or remains In your dusty bowl, 
she be more precious than...

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“Gotta’ ‘git’ ‘im!” Followed the howl of death.
His cigarette burnt brighter, when he sucked another breath.
“Will I get the gun and spotlight?” I asked rising from my chair.
“Nar’, no sense!” the ‘old man’ said. “He...

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Kelly Ghosts!
         Dan Kelly lived and Steve Hart too,
          though the police thought they had fried.
  ...

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...Back went his friends, facing the great onslaught,
they went to the fort, its safety they sought,
but the French took their time, did not give chase,
began to dig trenches, invest the place.

Colonel Munro, upon seeing all...

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Old Jack is at it again, Great Grandmother says.
Her voice eases through a window as we reach shoes on the porch.
At least twelve pair; which is okay as she has eighteen children.
A variety of second...

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From the kitchen sink at the window sill,
I see a house on the distant hill,
when as a child I had time to kill,
where now my spirit wanders still.
Then life changed on a day that’s dire,
we...

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Young Ned was only sixteen years old when
they called for the militia to come again,
having warred with the French for three years now,
and raids had terrified the frontier towns.

But Britain needed men to hold the...

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...Outside the French guns continued to screech,
a blast rocked them all, and opened a breach,
morale was fading, beginning to sag,
the next day the French sent out a truce flag.

Ned watched from afar, he could not...

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when another (anointed as lady lucky) 
 resident renter bequeathed her bed  
prior to that good samaritan deed thyself and spouse 
   slept on the floor like dogs dead
tired from another day...

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He fell one stormy midnight clear,
His feet upon his head,
He deaf of mouth and blind of ear,
All purple, green and red.

He dined politely on a rose,
Then with a speckled hen,
He quickly drew himself a nose,
And...

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...He struck with the gunstock, smashed the man’s teeth,
then dropped the weapon and ran hurriedly,
Indians saw him, three of them gave chase,
he dashed for the woods in a deadly race.

Around him the woods were filled...

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BEGINNING

Genealogy child
Is much, much more you see
Than names to fill blanks on line, 
Genealogy is your heritage
Of forbears who came from many tracks,
Most to claim an identity of kind
As they made their way along a...

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Upon the first date (decades ago) with the gal,
whose troth aye did pledge allegiance to wed
we agreed to dine at an ex-mex eatery
in north Wales, Pennsylvania, where angels feared to tread
carefully scrutinizing bon appétit the...

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Wrong bread for Fred

here I am sick in bed
got the chills and aches in my head
called the pharmacy and spoke with Ned
was told of a remedy  of  oatmeal bread

thought that was new so...

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Ned Shepworth lived in a small, frontier town,
that just three years before had been empty ground,
he tried to keep up with the latest style,
and worked as a clerk in the mercantile.

Now Ned was in love...

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courtesy of management in general
and particularly Jackie Geiger 
assistant property agent.

One benefit living social 
at Highland Manor Apartments
until decrepit and bent...
constitutes qualifying for reimbursement
direct deposited into checking
as chump change event,
hence one generic grateful gent
feels self...

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