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Wrong bread for Fred
here I am sick in bed
got the chills and aches in my head
called the pharmacy and spoke with Ned
was told of a remedy of oatmeal bread
thought that was new so I tried it instead
smeared some butter and jelly was spread
laid down with a book that I hadn’t read
Did not like the novel , the cover mislead.
still feeling the blahs I was getting worse
hoped that I make it without calling a hearse.
got the bible out and looked for a verse
thought it might help to relieve this curse.
I called back to the pharmacy asking for Ned
was told he didn’t work here, it’s a bakery instead
I had dialed the wrong number to get the med
they thought I was ill from not being fed.
that’s why they told me to get some bread
I went to the bakery and told them I was Fred
Ned was there and told me he had misread
‘ ginger bread would have been better instead”
bought some gingerbread and some whipped cream
thought this was unusual and kind of extreme
perhaps a remedy, am hoping not a scheme
I’m sick enough to just wash downstream.
the gingerbread went into the oven to bake
ate most if it but then my stomach began to ache
felt dizzy enough but not like floating in a lake
what could be wrong with me, it was only a cake.
was admitted to the hospital, had an abdominal scan
they asked me if I had eaten cereal with bran
told them I made a cake in a non stick pan
added some prunes that I had in a can.
was put in bed dressed with just a flimsy gown
wasn’t enough material to go all the way around
where’s the rest of the sleeper I asked with a frown
‘there is none, you’ll be spotted in case you skip into town”
I need to find a way to slip out the door
where’s my bag with clothes that I wore
the bed has an alarm sensor if you try to soar
using a bedpan will be quite the chore.
wrapped myself up in sheets, hiding my buns
ran down the back stairway before morning comes
Security frantically searching and yelling to everyone
“gingerbread man is on the loose with the runs”!
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