Flatulence Upon First Date

Upon the first date (decades ago) with the gal, whose troth aye did pledge allegiance to wed we agreed to dine at an ex-mex eatery in north Wales, Pennsylvania, where angels feared to tread carefully scrutinizing bon appétit the menu selection, a touch of Latin lick QED all American version sans south of the border cuisine – Quod Erat Demonstrand – translations spit out in rapid fire Hispanic by a beady eyed inked kid named Ned whose couture favored a punkish style with spiked gelled green hair, piercings galore and necklace with a genetically modified sizable entombed glass encased amber ked which beastly fully intact organism with a miniature grisly bear like head momentarily hypnotizing me tell nudged out of trance sans this egghead who make a selection by randomly landing finger on an item feigning to be well bred unbeknownst to the arbitrary choice this senior made within an ample number of mouthfuls of beans and rice that quelled hunger pangs mine lower gastrointestinal tract, felt a bubbling sensation played though impropriety struggled with gaseous mounting perturbations, what promised to be hot malodorous, would induce an air raid from this “wind bag”, whose saving grace divine, when wallet of suede discover herd visa vis tubby devoid of cash, thus and excuse to beat the tirade of volcanic eruption found me bolting out the restaurant door fortunately not waylaid and madly dashing (like some comet fiery dancer) performing a cheeky number hopping on one foot than the other – since forceful blast triggered kidneys to be tapped, thus prancer two step extemporaneously incorporated while await the ATM to disburse cash legal tender coveted akin to Cupid sprinkling spell of romancer while expulsion of noxious fumes from thine sphincter from this hob er dasher brought relief as aye nonchalantly strolled inside the cozy diner and slipped into me seat disinclined to relate vents to future spouse, the bodily aeration and stream of urine from me magic flute which amazingly synchronized with the Maximus glute from consuming food triggering tushy to toot.