Long Limerick Poems
Long Limerick Poems. Below are the most popular long Limerick by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Limerick poems by poem length and keyword.
What’s captured my interest of late:
the notion of maximally great.
Some may find it odd
to talk thus of God,
but it’s part of an age-old debate.
Saint Anselm got off to a start;
got expanded upon by Descartes.
Then Kant came along,
convinced they were wrong;
the God proofs took a shot to the heart.
Anselm, you’ve heard of, I trust,
stated positively, being must.
’Twas Edwards, you see,
said non-being couldn’t be,
parrying Immanuel’s thrust.
Variants have surfaced since;
Plantinga is pretty intense:
discussions unfurled
into possible worlds,
and maximal excellence.
In the end, it all comes down to you;
possibility: a thing to work through.
With regard to reason,
one commits no treason
in accepting the premise as true.
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An interesting article on the subject can be found at:
https://peped.org/philosophicalinvestigations/article-plantinga-ontological-argument/
CHANGE YOUR NAME, CHANGE YOUR LUCK
There once was a chicken who had no luck
No matter how she tried she couldn't cluck
Brunhilde, her name
To Donald, she changed
Now she's a chicken who quacks like a duck
IN HIS SOUP WAS A FLY
There was a poor man, in his soup was a fly
He just couldn't get that fly to go bye
Turned his bowl upside down
The fly spilled to the ground
Now the soup is too cold, the poor man cried
HE DID NOTHING BUT YAMMER
Pam had a husband named Peter Hammer
All day long he did nothing but yammer
Into his corn pone
She put little stones
He talks less, but when he does, he stammers
There was a girl at the height of her youth
Big bosomed and slim and yet quite uncouth
Then a virus took hold
She had been quite controlled
And then developed a rather sweet tooth
Will be good for your breast milk so God will
This catholic nation forbids the pill
No coil and no rubber
But he would not snub her
Took them to bed and demanded his fill
Her pastor advised a chastity belt
Helps protection in times of great svelte
And dries up his quill
Seed cannot instill
So your grand midsection cannot be swelled
But her pangs would not stop food ingestion
She did not even get indigestion
So tight at the waist
No good to be chaste
To do it or not was thus the question
Before I pop we must look for the key
But no cohabitation you must agree
No sex my sweetheart
Till death do us part
But the right pick remained an absentee
Then she burst like an inflated balloon
And they consumed passion at a full moon
Twins round and perfect
Whats cause and effect
Philosophy can be rather opportune
Was the girdle the faulty solution
Human nature or too much volution
Adipose tissue
Some other issue
That triggered seminal ‘pollution’
Moment of madness due to pandemic
Birth rites or something more academic
Epicure’s garden
Or simply a hard one
Time revealed it was rather systemic
So what’s the climax of this fine account
Could the fertile villain truly be found
The friend here at task
Knocked with a face mask
It was the kind milkman during his round
30th April 2020
I'd wanted a boob job for years
Loud moaning was all my hub's hears
Neath the tree there's a voucher
Soon I won't be a sloucher
Hubs thoughtfulness brought me to tears
His present was such a fab gift
Boob implants and a full face lift
Now blokes ogle and stare
You should see hubby glare
This present has now caused a rift
Next year on our pine Christmas tree
A voucher for more surgery
With huge boobs I was cursed
I'll have the op reversed
Not all gifts will make you happy
FICTION POEM FOR CHRISTMAS LIMERICK CONTEST
Sponsored by Alexis Y
12/04/20
'Twas the night before Christmas, I awoke
to Santa in my house, a chubby bloke
He rubbed his pudgy tummy
Said, "The cookies are yummy.
But can you offer me a rum and coke?"
I stared at him with my mouth wide open
Hopin' Santa wasn't high from dopin'
He pointed to his nose
And told me, "This job blows,
It's the best way I can keep on copin'."
There were stomping sounds coming from my roof
One of his reindeer has a twitchy hoof
"When Rudolph has to go
That's how he lets me know."
Was Santa Claus tricking me with a spoof?
He asked about my wife. What a perve!
Thinking he was kinky threw me a curve
When he started dancing
The reindeer were prancing
All of them had gotten on my last nerve!
I finally kicked him out of my house
When he said he wanted to kiss my spouse
Dasher said, "That's a wrap.
Enough of this fake crap.
Santa's going down for being a louse!
The reindeer flew away, just before dawn
Leaving Santa Claus sprawled upon my lawn
I hid him beneath a quilt
Behind a snowman I built
So, my kids wouldn't know he's just a con
We scattered toys we'd bought under the tree
They'd never know they were from Mom and me
Nor that Santa's a fraud
Whose real name is Jean-Claude
Who imbibed far too much beer and Chablis!
I The spice of life
Lasr twenty years and there’s no halt,
In all my matters you find fault…
One more dear, be quite clear,
Twenty and one more year,
And we are counting still,
You take it when I deal,
Tell me if you have any alt.
II Rebirth
Where in the hell, have you gone dead?
Here, dear, the husband showed his head.
If there be a rebirth,
This was fastest on Earth,
And made quicker thanks to wife’s dread!
III Let sleeping dogs lie
A portrait painter to a man:
Your wife so alive paint I can,
You’ll feel, she just would walk
To you and start to talk….
Let sleeping dogs lie now and then.
_______________________________
Limericks |01.08.2023|marriage, humour
Poet’s note: These limericks give the taste of a peculiar salt called Indian marriage. It often rubs in the wounds, but still the spice of life all the same. Yea, the ‘life’ of married life without which marriage would look pale. It is this salt that marriages last here. As to the third limerick, here is an apology to my female poet friends. As you know well, poetry is not something to be taken literally. A metaphor’s tone and tenor is not for literal transfer.
There once was a girl who fell in the deep,
so deep in the sea where waves roll and sweep;
around she did spin and twirl,
over- over she did whirl;
till the sea whispered this girl I will keep !
Her long blonde hair was golden like the sun,
with eyes blue hues of the sea and sky spun;
on her neck sea shells tinkled,
years aged- she never wrinkled;
pirate ship sailors she took one by one !
____________________________
July 31, 2019
Poetry/Limerick/In The Deep, Deep Blue Sea
Copyright Protected, ID 19-1170-045-02
All Rights Reserved. Written under Pseudonym.
Written for the contest, Two Sea Themed Limericks
sponsor, Tania Kitchen
Tenth Place
LIMERICKS NOT WRITTEN FOR A CONTEST
Men will slobber and drool when at the beach
Cuz bikinied women are out of reach
So eat your hearts out, men
For those girls you will yen
Fine women would consider you a leech
Men are enticed by girls with flat tummies
Though theirs are obese from eating yummies
They can keep dreaming
With beady eyes gleaming
Some of the male gender are such dummies
Men think of untying bikini strings
Of Victoria Secret girls with wings
They'd like to touch their tush
or better yet their.... shush!
Men want to do so many wicked things
Ogling girls clad in skimpy bikinis
Wishing they had three wishes from genies
Each one would be the same
Trying to UP their game
With enlargements for their teeny weenies
Turn about's always considered fair play
Many women would be glad for a lay
With a well muscled stud
Who would heat up her blood
Spendin' a lil time rollin' in the hay
I received an exciting soup mail
I’m minted, with wealth off the scale
But I know it’s a fraud
By some bloke from abroad
These fraudster’s should be put in jail
Got a call from a ‘Microsoft’ guy*
His fake story I did not buy
Said he’d turn off my ‘puter
And re-route my router
He told me just lie after lie
These scammers just want a quick buck
They try to find a sitting duck
They’re after our money
It sure isn’t funny
Their unscrupulous actions just suck
We have had several calls from 'Microsoft' saying our computer is at risk and they can help protect us ... I just put the phone down on them. Unfortunately an elderly friend of ours got taken in by their persistence and when it got to the you need to give us your bank account details part he realised it was a scam and wouldn't give his details but he had inadvertently given them access to remote control his PC and they put a password on it so he couldn't get into his files. It took my hubby several hours to sort out, remove the software programme they were using to control the PC and get the computer back to him so he could use it.
7/7/18
I'm just an old hillbilly
Mother's milk was a bowl of chili
I love anything fried
Extra grease on the side
Add bacon and I get plumb silly
A steak two inches thick
Or a slow roasting pig on a stick
Fresh fish from a brook
As long as it's cooked
I'll eat 'til I make myself sick
Vegetables red, yellow, or green
Baked, broiled, grilled or steamed
Some I'll eat raw
I love 'em all
My plate will always be clean
Addicted to all kinds of sweets
I even like red pickled beets
Cakes, cookies and pies
'Anything caramelized
Chocolate on top can't be beat
Gravy with mashed potatoes
Hamburgers with onion and tomatoes
A crock pot of beans
Dumplings and greens
Leftovers out of the refrigerator
Milk is what I like to drink
Lemonade yellow or pink
Ice tea sugar sweet
Is it time to eat
I'm so hungry I can no longer think
an original poem by Daniel Turner