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Shaggy Dog Limericks: the All-Time Best -- Vote For Your Favorite

The Spaniel A Spaniel that uses its head Can tell when its owner’s unfed So instead of a duck That is down on its luck Will deliver a pizza instead The Afghan Hound The Afghan’s a dog groomer’s joy The definitive Lord Fauntleroy But with all that coiffure One is never quite sure If the “she” is a girl or a boy The Airedale Terrier Airedale, king of the terriers Domain without borders or barriers Stubborn and proud On alert, never cowed Justly known for their cute little derrières The Basenji A Basenji may giggle or snark Chat with pigeons it meets in the park From the moment it wakes Oh, the noises it makes! Just don’t ever expect it to bark The Basset Hound Is it sorrow in canine disguise? Is it pity empathic and wise? Or is it not either Nor sympathy neither But hunger we see in its eyes? The Border Collie It was not Albert Einstein who dared To think E = mc2 But rather a Border Who brought cosmic order One morning while out with his laird The Bulldog My Bulldog won’t frolic or fetch His face may cause others to kvetch But he’s gentle and sweet With the kids on the street And the ladies all think I’m a ketch The Chihuahua and Great Dane Chihuahuas and Danes one surmises Are extremes when it comes to their sizes The one is so small It is nothing at all While the other is big and wins prizes The Corgi The Corgi is not one to hurry Much preferring a stroll to a flurry If you happen by chance To invite one to dance He’ll say, “Hey, I am not Arthur Murray!” The Dachshund The Dachshund’s a marvel on skis Little legs that stop short of its knees It can schuss like a pro Making furrows in snow (Though its privates are given to freeze) The Doberman Pinscher A Doberman’s known to be picky With friends so to greet one is tricky To kiss is a bummer Undoubtedly dumber Is to sneak up and give one a hickey The Irish Setter He’s Irish not Scottish or British You forget, he’ll get ornery and skittish He’ll point to his pelt Start swearing in Celt With a splash of some Gaelic and Yiddish The Jack Russell Terrier A packet of fizz the Jack Russell Full of dashing and daring and bustle With engine on race And the world left to chase Any wonder he makes such a fussle? The Labrador Retriever (Lab) The Lab a friend gave to his daughter Had a chronic aversion to water He’d cling to the shore Like a rug to the floor To avoid making waves like he oughter The Mastiff The Mastiff’s a glorious sight With a name that exemplifies might Now imagine this house The size of a mouse A “toy mastiff” just doesn’t sound right The Mutt A mutt may show up with a rat Do some terrible things to your hat But he’s happy for sure Just to roll in manure And so grateful that he’s not a cat The Norwegian Elkhound Look honey, look what I found! It’s an orphaned Norwegian elkhound! He’ll be easy to raise With some love and some praise And a pasture that serves as a pound The Old English Sheepdog I’m partial to dogs that are shaggy That are goofy and sweet and not naggy They only see good From their eyes under hood And a tail that longs to be waggy *Like Boxers, their tails are docked The Papillon Considered more missy than mensch (Butterfly’s the translation from French) In private is seen With a king or a queen And in public with Dame Judi Dench The Pekingese At a Cantonese restaurant with luck One can still find some things for a buck But imagine my shock When the place down the block Ran a special on Pekingese duck The Pomeranian (Pom) The Pom is a kind of a spitz A Chihuahua with fur in a ditz The type of a pooch You can cuddle and smooch Or show off with a date at the Ritz The Poodle The Poodle is known for its smarts For excelling at music and arts But an owner was telling Me after the smelling They also blow nuclear farts The Rhodesian Ridgeback I bought one of these for a dollar It said Phi Beta Kap on its collar I later found out (Though not without doubt) It had been a Rhodesian scholar The Saint Bernard Though not in his nature to beg He would flip for a sip from the keg Of the rum or the brandy That dangles so handy His lips near the tips of the peg The Schnauzer The word that we’ve heard about Schnauzers Is they’re famously shallow carousers The truth is we’re jealous Of these amorous fellas: We’d love to be wearing their trousers The Shar-Pei and Shih Tzu Shar-Peis and Shih Tzus tantamounts? They look nothing alike where it counts One’s wrinkle, one’s dimple Yet kinship is simple: Their names are so fun to pronounce The Shetland Sheepdog A Sheltie is likely to herd Any creature that’s mammal or bird Except for a CAT (Fuggitabout THAT) Even shelties are known to cry “merde!” The Yorkshire Terrier (Yorkie) The Yorkie has visions of grandeur Such that bigger dogs simply can’t stand her She’ll nip at their heels Abscond with their meals And then yap ‘til she raises their dander

Copyright © | Year Posted 2023

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Date: 2/28/2023 10:39:00 PM
The poodle!! -- by far(t)!
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Date: 2/27/2023 1:44:00 PM
Hmmm... this could make an excellent poster for vet offices, especially with good photos to go with it.
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Book: Shattered Sighs