Apt Name Limericks Collaboration -Nb Some Poems Will Be Bawdy

COME ON SOUPER'S LETS HAVE SOME FUN AND MAKE FOLK SMILE DURING SUCH DIFFICULT TIMES FOR US ALL. THERE ARE LOTS MORE APT NAMES - PLEASE SOUP MAIL POEMS AND I WILL ADD THEM My dentist is called Doctor Payne, Who really lives up to his name, He yanks our teeth with pliers, And pulls kid’s teeth with wires, I’ll never see this jerk again! Our copper is called Mister Beat, He has the most enormous feet, We call him PC Plod , He is in the vice squad, But he keeps the villains off our street! Our baker is called Mister Bun, Kids visit his shop just for fun, With greed in their eyes, They eye up his pies, He chides them, then the rascals run! My neighbour is Mister R Sole, He’s truly an arrogant soul, On the football field, He just will not yield, No wonder he scored an own goal! A pole dancer is called Miss Spangle, She views the crowd from ev’ry angle, To rapturous applause, She’ll whip off her drawers, and punters gawp as boobies dangle! Our gardener was Mr Grass, His pruning skills were pretty crass, He cut back our red rose, Snipped a hole in the hose, I booted him out on his ass! By Jan Allison My jeweler is called Mister Clem He strings sapphires, a lovely gem Wife Ruby was hissing When she caught Clem kissing Their neighbor and now it's mayhem My travel agent, Lorelei DeWitt Books around the world tours, so illegit One was on a nude beach Kept her boobs out of reach Then declared her **** were counterfeit By Marti Sutherland A creative young baker called Butter Was, quite frankly, a bit of a nutter When I saw what he’d done with a loaf and two buns I’ll admit that I started to splutter But I took them back home to my bed “Well they DO look so tasty!” I said But my man, with a snort pulled a loaf from his shorts yelling, “Butter up this one instead!” By Nina Parmenter The local sex shop is run by Long Chong Has some great offers, you can not go wrong These offers won't last So get down there fast A free case with every multi speed dong. A rogue Baker by the name of Fred Lowe Got a kick from what he put in the dough He made a smooth paste To improve the taste I think it's best maybe that you don't know. A male stripper by the name of Sid Jopper Loved to tease the audience with his chopper A little man he sure ain't Girls on a hen night would faint When he swung it like an axe his big whopper Written by Tom Cunningham My car salesman is named Rick His sales pitch was very slick He sold me a sports car But it didn't get very far Can you guess where I shoved the dipstick? A lion tamer named Dwight cracked his whip to keep the lions just right But the lions got mad And things got quite bad As a piece of his **** they did bite Written by Joseph May An elderly stripper named Boon Was retired but still loved to moon” He’d just drop his pants, To show off butt implants His “rear” show always happened at noon Al was an unorthodox book keeper His side profession was the town “peeper” When sitting on his stool He would look up and drool It’s no wonder he was dubbed the”creeper” Written By Alexis Y A Proctologist by the name of Doc Bogus Just loved a rosy red Tokus Folks screamed when he'd crank and with long fingers would yank The procedure was called Bogus Pokus Written by Charlie Smith There once was a hillbilly punk He walked around town and he stunk His loo roll depleted Business uncompleted He now carries chunks in his trunk Written by Mark Koplin A cleaner was called Mrs Rue, and spent all the day in the loo, the lav her domain, she worked on each stain, her hands often covered in poo. Proctologists, Rimmer and Ho are delving in bottoms I know, and smells often linger, (I sniffed at a finger), and sweetcorn adorned an elbow. Written by Jack Horne There once was a drummer called Martin Who was proud of his musical farting, He would pump out a tune As folk ran out the room All gagging, as they were departin' Written by Gary Smith Near a hole in the wall, with no qualm, Never seen, sits a frumpy Madame. Using lotion, she works Giving smooth strokes and jerks With her fabulous and renowned palm. A golden oldie from Andrea Dietrich There was a young gymnast from Norway Who hung by her heels in the doorway She told her young man Get off the divan I think I've discovered one more way Harry was a handsome young plumber All the ladies wanted his number When Harry laid pipe The ladies didn't gripe They swooned as though in a slumber The local handyman named Fred Was a little daft in the head But whenever he would prune The ladies bushes they'd swoon And turn Fred's face beetroot red Written by Curtis Moorman There was once an old baker named Fred who was rumored to be great in bed Susie helped him bake all night his wife knew it wasn't right when he came home with one loaf of bread Written by Tania Kitchin 04/04/20