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APT NAME LIMERICKS COLLABORATION -NB SOME POEMS WILL BE BAWDY

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COME ON SOUPER'S LETS HAVE SOME FUN AND MAKE FOLK SMILE DURING SUCH DIFFICULT TIMES FOR US ALL. THERE ARE LOTS MORE APT NAMES - PLEASE SOUP MAIL POEMS AND I WILL ADD THEM
My dentist is called Doctor Payne, Who really lives up to his name, He yanks our teeth with pliers, And pulls kid’s teeth with wires, I’ll never see this jerk again! Our copper is called Mister Beat, He has the most enormous feet, We call him PC Plod , He is in the vice squad, But he keeps the villains off our street! Our baker is called Mister Bun, Kids visit his shop just for fun, With greed in their eyes, They eye up his pies, He chides them, then the rascals run! My neighbour is Mister R Sole, He’s truly an arrogant soul, On the football field, He just will not yield, No wonder he scored an own goal! A pole dancer is called Miss Spangle, She views the crowd from ev’ry angle, To rapturous applause, She’ll whip off her drawers, and punters gawp as boobies dangle! Our gardener was Mr Grass, His pruning skills were pretty crass, He cut back our red rose, Snipped a hole in the hose, I booted him out on his ass! By Jan Allison My jeweler is called Mister Clem He strings sapphires, a lovely gem Wife Ruby was hissing When she caught Clem kissing Their neighbor and now it's mayhem My travel agent, Lorelei DeWitt Books around the world tours, so illegit One was on a nude beach Kept her boobs out of reach Then declared her **** were counterfeit By Marti Sutherland A creative young baker called Butter Was, quite frankly, a bit of a nutter When I saw what he’d done with a loaf and two buns I’ll admit that I started to splutter But I took them back home to my bed “Well they DO look so tasty!” I said But my man, with a snort pulled a loaf from his shorts yelling, “Butter up this one instead!” By Nina Parmenter The local sex shop is run by Long Chong Has some great offers, you can not go wrong These offers won't last So get down there fast A free case with every multi speed dong. A rogue Baker by the name of Fred Lowe Got a kick from what he put in the dough He made a smooth paste To improve the taste I think it's best maybe that you don't know. A male stripper by the name of Sid Jopper Loved to tease the audience with his chopper A little man he sure ain't Girls on a hen night would faint When he swung it like an axe his big whopper Written by Tom Cunningham My car salesman is named Rick His sales pitch was very slick He sold me a sports car But it didn't get very far Can you guess where I shoved the dipstick? A lion tamer named Dwight cracked his whip to keep the lions just right But the lions got mad And things got quite bad As a piece of his **** they did bite Written by Joseph May An elderly stripper named Boon Was retired but still loved to moon” He’d just drop his pants, To show off butt implants His “rear” show always happened at noon Al was an unorthodox book keeper His side profession was the town “peeper” When sitting on his stool He would look up and drool It’s no wonder he was dubbed the”creeper” Written By Alexis Y A Proctologist by the name of Doc Bogus Just loved a rosy red Tokus Folks screamed when he'd crank and with long fingers would yank The procedure was called Bogus Pokus Written by Charlie Smith There once was a hillbilly punk He walked around town and he stunk His loo roll depleted Business uncompleted He now carries chunks in his trunk Written by Mark Koplin A cleaner was called Mrs Rue, and spent all the day in the loo, the lav her domain, she worked on each stain, her hands often covered in poo. Proctologists, Rimmer and Ho are delving in bottoms I know, and smells often linger, (I sniffed at a finger), and sweetcorn adorned an elbow. Written by Jack Horne There once was a drummer called Martin Who was proud of his musical farting, He would pump out a tune As folk ran out the room All gagging, as they were departin' Written by Gary Smith Near a hole in the wall, with no qualm, Never seen, sits a frumpy Madame. Using lotion, she works Giving smooth strokes and jerks With her fabulous and renowned palm. A golden oldie from Andrea Dietrich There was a young gymnast from Norway Who hung by her heels in the doorway She told her young man Get off the divan I think I've discovered one more way Harry was a handsome young plumber All the ladies wanted his number When Harry laid pipe The ladies didn't gripe They swooned as though in a slumber The local handyman named Fred Was a little daft in the head But whenever he would prune The ladies bushes they'd swoon And turn Fred's face beetroot red Written by Curtis Moorman There was once an old baker named Fred who was rumored to be great in bed Susie helped him bake all night his wife knew it wasn't right when he came home with one loaf of bread Written by Tania Kitchin 04/04/20

Copyright © | Year Posted 2020




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Date: 4/29/2020 9:27:00 AM
So cleverly created, Jan. A great collaboration. All shine through.
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Date: 4/9/2020 2:34:00 PM
LOL, love these, my friend - thanks for letting me take part x
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Date: 4/8/2020 7:55:00 PM
Hello Jan … congratulations to all the poet contributors. The limericks certainly brightened up another day in isolation - thanks Jan, and thank you all - Lindsay
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Date: 4/7/2020 9:42:00 AM
Jan, I love this group of aptly named, and gifted poets. I agree with the others who've commented. This was a great idea. Some talented folks here. -Richard
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Date: 4/6/2020 12:15:00 PM
- After several days away from soup ... this was an awsome choice ... you are all so creative and talented ... super fun to read :))) - smile hugs // Anne-Lise :)
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Date: 4/6/2020 7:12:00 AM
what a great idea... it sure had me laughing this morning as I read them...hugs and blessings!
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Date: 4/6/2020 12:40:00 AM
These were a real Hoot! I loved laughing hysterically and thank everyone so much for the fun! Thank you Jan for the idea and your outstanding Limericks. We all need some cheering up with the constant bombardment of the news of this virus everywhere. xxoo
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 4/6/2020 7:09:00 AM
Some may be a little bawdy but what a laugh they have provided, it definitely is the best medicine at the moment:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 4/5/2020 6:45:00 AM
Ha ha, thank you Jan for your limerick collaboration and adding mine! I am enjoying all them!
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 4/5/2020 12:07:00 PM
they are SUCH fun Tania, we definitely need something to smile at at the moment:-) hugs jan xx
Date: 4/4/2020 9:32:00 PM
Well --- a real cornucopia of limericks. Something for every taste! Giggles, Gershon
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 4/5/2020 3:22:00 AM
It's been such fun GW - I am still adding poems if you care to join in:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 4/4/2020 8:11:00 PM
wow, you are just collecting these hands over fist (Is that the expression?) I will soupmail you one, ok? Lots of great bawdy ones in there and mine is bawdy too.
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 4/5/2020 3:21:00 AM
Thanks Andrea I've added it:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 4/4/2020 5:28:00 PM
Hi Jan, you have another collaborative hit with all these top notch Limericks. So much fun in one place, a definite hit. The laughter workshop. This is a definite fav. Well done everybody. Have a wonderful Sunday. Hugs....Mike. XX. Stay safe, my friend.
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 4/4/2020 5:30:00 PM
Thanks Mike, you are welcome to join in if you can think of a limerick I would be delighted to include it:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 4/4/2020 5:19:00 PM
Just what we need Jan, humour cannot be underestimated in its capacity to lift the mood. :)
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 4/4/2020 5:29:00 PM
Thanks for joining in Gary to be honest I want to escape from the realities of the current situation and have a bit of fun on soup:-) hugs jan x
Date: 4/4/2020 12:19:00 PM
What s great idea. I love it
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 4/4/2020 12:32:00 PM
Just received you mail thanks so much for adding your souper poem:-) beats reading CV ones any day!!:-) hugs Jan xx
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 4/4/2020 12:26:00 PM
I thought it was an ideal time to try and raise a smile:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 4/4/2020 10:43:00 AM
Thanks Jan this was fun...
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 4/4/2020 11:58:00 AM
Have got tears in my eyes for many reasons Charlie! thanks for joining in the collaboration:-) hugs Jan xx
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 4/4/2020 11:47:00 AM
Join in Charlie just trying to lighten the mood a little, I am still adding poems as they come in:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 4/4/2020 8:30:00 AM
This s hilarious Jan, Nina's is a riot...:)
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 4/4/2020 9:39:00 AM
I nearly chocked on my cuppa at your car salesman poem, thanks for joining in and bringing a smile during these difficult days:-) hugs jan xx
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 4/4/2020 8:54:00 AM
I wish I'd written it Joseph!! I am just trying to add a bit of fun to the site:-) hugs jan xx
Date: 4/4/2020 8:17:00 AM
Lol!Jan, These “bawdy” name limericks are hilarious. Let me see what I can come up with. You know I enjoy your limerick collaborations :-) Alexis
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Alexis Y.
Date: 4/4/2020 11:56:00 AM
Thanks.I had good example. You:-) Alexis
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 4/4/2020 10:15:00 AM
You did brilliantly Alexis I am so proud of you the way you have embraced this form:-) hugs Jan xx
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Alexis Y.
Date: 4/4/2020 9:39:00 AM
You both are on a roll, I barely was able to come up with one lol!
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 4/4/2020 9:32:00 AM
Tom C just can't stop writing them now lol:-) I started off with one then the ideas grew and grew :-) hugs Jan xx
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 4/4/2020 9:31:00 AM
I'm so sorry I should have made the title clearer, just trying to tell folk some may be bawdy... I've replied to your mail Alexis:-) hugs Jan xx
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Alexis Y.
Date: 4/4/2020 9:28:00 AM
Oh, I misunderstood, I hope you like my first attempt at a “ bawdy” limerick:-) Alexis
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 4/4/2020 8:56:00 AM
They don't have to be bawdy Alexis I was just trying to warn some may be a little risque which is allowed in the limerick form:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 4/4/2020 5:58:00 AM
Brilliant Jan, everyone a gem, Tom
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Alexis Y.
Date: 4/4/2020 9:29:00 AM
Lol! I knew you would not disappoint:-) Alexis
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Alexis Y.
Date: 4/4/2020 8:18:00 AM
I can’t wait to see yours Tom.
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 4/4/2020 6:29:00 AM
I'm on the case.
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 4/4/2020 5:59:00 AM
Cheers Tom, once I started I couldn't stop - hope you will be inspired to join in:-) hugs Jan xx