Limericks Vi - Religion

Limericks VI - Religion Pell-Mell for Hell Mel by Michael R. Burch There once was a Baptist named Mel who condemned all non-Christians to hell. When he stood before God he felt like a clod to discover His Love couldn’t fail! Why I Left the Religious Right by Michael R. Burch He's got Jesus's name on a wallet insert and "Hell is for Queers" on the back of his shirt and he upholds the Law, for grace has a flaw: the Church must have someone to drag through the dirt. Hell to Pay by Michael R. Burch A messiah named Jesus, returning from heaven, found planet Earth burning with children unfed, so he suggested: “Instead of war, why not consider cheek-turning?” Indignant right-wingers retorted: “Sir, your pacifist views are distorted! Just pull the plug quickly on someone who’s sickly! Our pursuit of war can’t be aborted!” The Heimlich Limerick by Michael R. Burch for T. M. The sanest of poets once wrote: "Friend, why be a sheep or a goat? Why follow the leader or be a blind breeder?" But almost no one took note. The Trouble with Elephants by Michael R. Burch An elephant never forgets which is why they don’t make the best pets: Jumbo may well out-live you, but he’ll never forgive you so you may as well save your regrets! The Beat Goes On by Michael R. Burch Bored stiff by his board-stiff attempts at “meter,” I crossly concluded I’d use each iamb in lieu of a lamb, bedtimes when I’m under-quaaluded. Shady Sadie by Michael R. Burch A randy young dandy named Sadie loves sex, but in forms fancied shady. (I cannot, of course, involve her poor horse, but it’s safe to infer she’s no lady!) Less Heroic Couplets: Just Desserts by Michael R. Burch “The West Antarctic ice sheet might not need a huge nudge to budge.” And if it does budge, denialist fudge may force us to trudge neck-deep in sludge! Marvell-Less (I) by Michael R. Burch Mr. Marvell was ill-named? Inform us! Alas, his crude writings deform us: for when trying to bed chaste virgins, he led off with his iron balls ginormous! Marvell-Less (II) by Michael R. Burch Andrew Marvell was far less than Marvellous; indeed, he was cold, bold, unchivalrous: for when trying to bed chased/chaste virgins, he led off with his iron balls ginormous! I Learned Too Late by Michael R. Burch “Show, don’t tell!” I learned too late that poetry has rules, although they may be rules for greater fools. In any case, by dodging rules and schools, I avoided useless duels. I learned too late that sentiment is bad— that Blake and Keats and Plath had all been had. In any case, by following my heart, I learned to walk apart. I learned too late that “telling” is a crime. Did Shakespeare know? Is Milton doing time? In any case, by telling, I admit: I think such rules are . Limericks There once was a poet from Tennessee who was known to indulge in straight Hennessey for his heart had been broken and cruelly ripped open by an ice-hoarding Dame of Paree. —Michael R. Burch A coquettish young lady of France longed to have lusty men in her pants, but in lieu of real joys she settled for boys, then berated her lack of romance. —Michael R. Burch A virginal lady of France longed to have a ménage in her pants but in lieu of real boys she settled for toys & painted pinkies to make her bits dance. —Michael R. Burch There was a young lady of France Who’d let cute boys root in her pants: Where they'd give her the finger And she'd let them linger because that's the point of romance! —Michael R. Burch A germane young German, a dame with a quite unpronounceable name, gave me a kiss; I lectured her, "Miss, we haven't been intro'd, for shame!" —Michael R. Burch A germane young German, a dame with a quite unpronounceable name, Frenched me a kiss; I admonished her, "Miss, you’ve left me twice tongue-tied, for shame!" —Michael R. Burch A germane young German, a dame with a quite unpronounceable name, French-kissed me and left my lips lame. I lectured her, "Miss, That's a premature kiss! We haven't been intro'd, for shame!" —Michael R. Burch Although I prefer onions to bunions, I still primarily defer to legal reefer. —Michael R. Burch Cancun Cruz by Michael R. Burch There once was a senator, Cruz, whose whole life was one pus-oozing schmooze. When Trump called his wife ugly, Cruz brown-nosed him smugly, then went on a sweet Cancún cruise! Anchors Aweigh! by Michael R. Burch There once was an anchor babe, Cruz, whose deployment was Castro’s bold ruse. Now the revenge of Fidel has worked out quite well as Cruz missiles launch from his caboose! Canadian Cruz by Michael R. Burch There was a Canadian, Cruz, an anchor babe with a bold ruse: he’d take Texas first and then do his worst to infect the whole world with his views. Keywords/Tags: light verse, nonsense verse, doggerel, limerick, humor, humorous verse, light poetry A Passing Observation about Thinking Outside the Box by Michael R. Burch William Blake had no public, and yet he’s still read. His critics are dead. Blake Take by Michael R. Burch we became ashamed of our bodies; we became ashamed of sweet sex; we became ashamed of the LORD with each terrible CURSE and HEX; we became ashamed of the planet (it’s such a slovenly hovel); and we came to see, in the end, that we really agreed with the devil. tyger, lamb, free love, etc. by michael r. burch for and after william blake the tiger’s a ferocious slayer. he has no say in it. hence, ur Creator’s a nit. the lamb led to the slaughter extends her neck to the block and bit. she has no say in it. so don’t be a nitwit: drink, carouse and revel! why obey the Devil? Keywords/Tags: limerick, nonsense, light, humor, humorous, religion, Christian, Christianity, religious, right, Jesus, Christ, bible, moral, majority, hypocrisy, intolerance, faith, belief, creationism, flat earth, homophobia, sexism, chauvinism