Long Hillbillies Poems

Picture this.
Exploding pipe bombs.
Land fields that can take your arms off.
Driving off road, and frenzied, with excitement 
Adrenaline RAGING.
Oh, yes, Syrian Teenagers,
It is “Let’s See If We Are Really Alive” day.
Okay, we’ll let in some...

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I was born in Sunny Southern California, in the hottest month of the year! cries out my mother.  California is known for its drought season; one we just came out of, it lasted four...

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What if we make it in time 

Took my eldest brother of heart
I was age eight
Routing me through different foster homes
I could turn to nothing other than art
Script my life to a page, my newly...

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A profession that's not the norm.
It borders on the absurd.
In the mountains and down the hollers,
powerful engines could be heard.

I decided to try something new.
Put my driving skills to the test.
Driving from Harlan County to...

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Billie was a true authentic hillbilly
who wore no shoes even if it was chilly
his holy jeans looked like swiss cheese
where daily you'd catch a glimpse of his knobby knees

Whenever he left his cabin his Ma...

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*Come and listen to my tale about a man named Joe.
Who was Jesus Christ? Well, he didn't really know'
Then one day he read John, Chapter three;
His eyes were opened up and he began to see.
...

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In the foothills of the Ozarks lived a man named Jed.
He was so poor, and barely kept his family fed.
He struggled to survive and never had quite enough.
The land he lived on was full of...

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I almost dare not to tell you a story this silly,
This crazy, this weird, this hilarious absolute willy.
But I have to do it, for my darling friend Big Tillie.
She is gone now, in heaven, fixing...

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Once there was a country boy called Chester,
     he came from the rural Appalachians;
got himself a farming job not far from a big city,
       ...

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Notta easy grasper – days back I cross ole Jasper
neath the olden ground’s crooket pine tree
and, oh, bless be, things he tole there to me!

He wanna’d me to hear all bout watz truth –
he say...

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Here's another tale about hillbillies
That you probably don't wanna miss
It's about their many inventions
And the story goes something like this

Now see, my great, great grandfather
Was kind of an inventor of sorts
He invented stuff like wooden...

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Connie's Daughter Ran Away


To mama, 

I'm sorry for the grief I'm causing.

It's not everyday a daughter runs away. But I must.
Forget my bunny hop, and the tangibles. I just
couldn't deal with the intangibles of being...

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She had more vibrancy and get up and go than Granny on the Beverly Hillbillies
My mother
She was spry with a hilariously keen sense of humor
She was younger than any of the rest of us
Although at...

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I know some of you've been wondering
About the food that hilbillies eat
So I'll give you a little schooling
And I'll start with just the meat

First of all, we hardly ever eat possum
Them critters are just too...

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Channel Five calls mayoral candidate Goots a bully.
He is referred to as the  AntiChrist on Channel Three
Someone on the air yells “liar, liar, pants on fire.”
This is the best news we find on our...

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He lived when Elvis, the Beatles, Johnny Cash and the Rolling Stones
had strings of hits and he passionately hummed those up-beat songs...
dreaming of becoming as successful and famous as they were;
and following his dream, he...

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Well now the Olympics are all over
There's a story you gotta know
About the first Olympic Games
And how it started long ago

It didn't happen where they said it did
Some place called Greece and Rome
It was started...

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I once knew a boy named Billy
I thought he was originally from Chile
Mostly ‘cause he loved his hot sauce and chili
Toting everywhere his jar of piccalilli

It turns out Billy was really the local hillbilly
I should...

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For all who have been wondering
Let me set the story straight
About the hillbilly holidays
Before it gets too late

We don't have an Easter possum
This tale is just a myth
It's a cute little bunny with a basket
To...

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My Favorite Classic T.V. Show

A classic t.v. show that I thought 
was fun and silly.
Was one I watched as a child:  
“The Beverly Hillbillies.”

There was Jed.  Granny. 
 Jethro and Elly May too.
You...

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I sit restless on the edge of my bed
my hands radically rubbing wringing wet
I have been right in this position a million times before, you can bet
but tonight it has me drawn in, all of...

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good ol’ backwards North Dakota

wouldn’t want to be a woman in
North Dakota,
cause’ choice just ain’t happenin’ there.

nah,
if you’re a woman who gets raped in good ol’
backwards
North Dakota,
since they just shut down the last abortion 
clinic,...

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HILLBILLIES BYBILLIES AND BLOWBILLIES--

Once upon a time in the land of Frilly
Lived a tatter torn family  the McFrelly’s
On the outskirts of Arkansas the county of Mountain Lily,
Just below the Mason Dixie line acts involuntarily
They...

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(Best if you try to do this to the tune of the "Beverly Hillbillies" TV show)


This was a story 'bout a man named Fred,

A had workin' man ... always kept his family fed.

Then one day...

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I'd rather be a hillbillie
than a bybillie or blowbillie
to try to be all three, you see
would drive me to insanity.

Bybillies are skittishy and shy
seldom stay, always say "goodbye"
they never joke, don't even try
just mumble, complain,...

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