Long Country club Poems

What I have for you today is not so much about re-treading an outdated fuel-based system--
little bit like reshuffling the chairs to fix the decay 
of a segregating Country Club.

No, this is addressed to economic...

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Whether you have come to possess this compendium of doggerel confessions by chance or by choice, should you decide to venture beyond this page, I politely suggest you consider the contents to be nothing more...

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Part 1: Catalyst
I recently read a blog that purported to report news
Of extraordinary import to us all,
That the Catholic Pope, with a new encyclical letter,
Announced to the world his conviction that there is no Hell
And...

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As I empty a bag and look over the donations in it
I think, “Geezus why; not even I would willingly take any of this!
If I didn’t work here taking donations, I’d throw it all in...

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Is this the weekend, by the way?
           (I always think it’s Saturday!)
           Load the kids...

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I remember the land of drums I was born
  bedded beneath great hanging nets;
          the sound of the conch and the horn.
My blue suitcase filled...

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The Moocher

By Elton Camp

Most families have one or two
“Loans” from you they pursue
And never fail to assuredly say
“I will pay it back, right away.”

So worthy I am of your complete trust
Never would I stoop to...

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As retiring physician, allow me to give
Some suggestions on how to both doctor and live.

You have finally finished the studies required.
You're a doctor at last, but in debt deeply mired.
With degree on display, your career...

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For years The State Of Arizona has been known for it's strict laws
They made no bones about it and did not back down
The old territorial prison, once there they did not want to go back
Was...

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There are scratches on my coffin of life
As I struggle to break free from being buried alive
My fingernails are worn completely down to the wick
And I scream and yell and frantically kick.

But no one responds,...

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Third Rails
                by Odin Roark

One’s temptable 20's say “flirt with it.”
40's say “not on my watch.”
60's say “made it across...

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She's thirty-three, single,
her Mom babysits her
five year old son.
She reassures herself it's
just two more hours,
then it's the blessed weekend.
Which means delicious sleep.
She has no nest egg,
she's just getting by.

There is one kind aging matron
who makes...

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There is nothing better than a good cop, nothing worse than a bad one
Has always been bad cops since time began, nothing like the modern rampage
I was raised in an era, to always respect the...

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Cowboyin' seems so romantical as seen in th' pitcher shows.
Ain't a lick uv truth in that as ever' workin' cowpoke knows.
Movie stars is paid big bucks with a fancy saddle fer thar horse,
An' always ride...

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Country clubs are best known for their golf courses, tennis courts, and lobbies. They've
been a part of the lives of all wealthy people for some time to come. It seems that
everybody wants a piece of...

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I've traveled from the farm in Indiana, the place of my humble birth,
To places I never dreamed of seeing all around this earth!
On ships, trains and airplanes visiting fascinating ports of call,
And dining in hoity-toity...

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Satan the great temptor
What is he tempting us to do? 
A fallen Angel that wants us to worship him? instead of God?
Ask a devil worshiper and they will explain: they worship themselves. 
That is what...

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Hard Rock Candy bandit,
Desperado of the Country Club
Fever pitch daydreams wait in line
For heathen sacifice to your hunger.
Foolish mortals - all of them - to beg...
You are a star triumphant - singer of the latest,
Greatest...

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What will be so great about living the good life is that I won't have to worry about
anymore financial woes. My life would be great if I were to win the $1 billion lottery.
Once I...

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If you read the reviews
And review the reports,
You'll conclude I'm a dude
Who is no good at sports.
At badminton, lawn darts, or table tennis,
No record of my name's in that book by Guinness.

When I tried to...

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There is a man named Mr. Purt
Money and power are his turf.

He rules the land with a tangerine fist
Misogynistic deeds always tops his list

He takes what he wants, no questions are asked.
Women are no exceptions...

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                  "Stardust Memories"


   Theme of our college dance.
   The dance card in the walnut hutch now rests.
...

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Thank God for your lovely life,
You have a wonderful woman
Who you can call your own wife;
It shows you are not a miserable man.
…Remember that some a good
But they have no sweetie…spouse
While some have no farm...

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The importance of wearing gloves.
The importance of putting them on, just so.
The quality of this gesture shows the world
one's good breeding, set apart.

The importance of putting fingers and thumbs
into their proper place,
done poorly, there's a...

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From the writer of 'A Winner'.
We got us a loser.
A loser..A loser..A loser..Loser..Loser..

My lottery ticket lost today.
My dog 'Duke' had up and died.
I burnt my food on a cooking stove.
Those beans were over fried.
A loser..A...

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