It is a teamwork type of thing-
Ringing the bell so well
The next mashup of a maxed out bashing of an over flowing cup of mountain water upstream-
Kings the next castling on the other side of the ring
Ding-ding
Back for more “bling, bling!”
Onion rings on the side, pretty please!
Watch how my truck sings as it revs up after a mental rental goes caching ching
Just saying...
Lying, laying, slaying & spraying-
Weighed in like Jayda- WILL SMITH I "lit" my cig-
was fuzzy wuzzy big?
Failed Trigonometry
Sold Origami
My salami
Is like " Salam Aleiki"
Hate me please
It could be a breeze
I am NOT on my knees
Please
Jeez!
Go TX!
My apartment, this morning, had heat
Which, because it was cold, was a treat.
Though I really must say,
For the middle of May,
It’s a threshold we rarely do meet.
Now the weatherman strangely predicts
That by Tuesday, we’ll be in a fix
Since the weather will - Jeez!
Reach to 90 degrees,
Which means Winter gets no more last licks.
If that happens, I’ll need the A.C.,
For the heat and I do not agree.
Mother Nature, I find,
Cannot make up her mind
So we suffer, to varied degree.
Jeez Louise
You’ve got knobbly knees
And the dust in your hair is making me sneeze.
But your mood is mellow
And your teeth are quite yellow
Oh and I note your wrinkly skin’s sallow.
And your breath could peel paint
It’s making me faint
Fighting the nausea requires self-constraint.
You’re like the smell of bad cheese
Floating in on the breeze
So all I can say is “jeez Louise.”
I poop every morning after a Pizzelle slathered in Nutella
it is nine am in Italy and not a good time to eat mortadella
I poop after lunch after eating pizza with spicy pepperoni
it is twelve o'clock and way too early to eat my macaroni
I poop in the evening after my pasta al forno with cheese
its much too early for my salami sandwich, " Jeez Louise!"
I poop before bed and I let out a great Ah Ah, Mama Mia
as the neighbors yell out the window keep it down " Maria! "
Of course I poop like a proper Italian and here's the squeeze,
when we use the Latrina we fan ourselves to get a tiny breeze!
Drive down a highway and look left or right
And I can, for sure, guarantee
By the side of the road, resting there in plain sight
Will be plenty of garbage to see.
Plastic bags strewn around or entangled in trees,
Cans and bottles and wrappers and such,
Plus so many containers and papers – oh jeez!
It is more than a little too much.
Though it’s rare to see somebody tossing it out
It quite naturally had to be pitched,
So the question is really, what kind of a lout
Can’t just wait for his trash to be ditched?
I'm sick and tired of the so-called muses,
especially the one who always chooses
to make it clear that I don't work hard enough,
yet, when I ask for a little help with my stuff,
she's always the first one who flatly refuses.
My muse yelled, "Stop! That's prohibited."
I said, "What?"
"The behavior you just exhibited."
I said, "What did I do?"
She said, "You took some lines that didn't belong to you."
I said, "Jeez! Instead of helping me, you're making me feel totally inhibited."
Someone asked, "Could you write without a muse?"
I said, "Probably could, but I'd refuse.
Why? Because a muse is so good at showing
what to tell the audience and what to keep it from knowing
so that you can keep right on going with your wild-ass ruse."
I was having a hell of a time
with a poem that shouldn’t ever have been mine.
The muse had made a big mistake
by giving me lines that shoulda gone to this poet named Blake,
of which I could make neither reason nor rhyme.
("Eye of God", 2018, original encaustic)
You Can't Judge a Book By Its Cover
You can’t judge a book by its cover
Or then again maybe you can
Covers show us what the authors want us to see
And there is plenty to judge in that
But it may not be what the author wants us to think
Once open though
All bets are off
As the author’s own words
And not just image
Are exposed for us to taste, test and judge
And yet still in our judgment
What are we really seeing?
Speaking from experience
I can say there are many
Who have seen me, my art and poems
And think I’m cool
And then….
After a bit of conversation
Walk away
Thinking, Jeez, what a racist, sexist, fascist pig.
If you need to see the face
Of all you judge and fear
Just look in the mirror.
(10/10/23)
I first ordered French Onion Soup
while dating a new girl I’d met
I did this to seem worldly-wise;
This is something I wouldn’t advise;
It’s a soup that plays hard to get!
It arrived and threw me a loop;
For a start, it’s covered in bread
sealed with some hot molten cheese.
I stared long and thought, holy-jeez
then picked up a spoon with some dread.
I felt like a big nincompoop;
I stabbed at the cheese, on it’s raft
which made its escape from the bowl;
flew totally out of control
like some sort of alien craft.
I honestly tried to regroup
with the girl, with cheese on her lap
who, by then, was sobbing away;
I said, “Would you like some sorbet?”
She quietly called me a sap!
There's a certain time of day
tho' unwelcome, it never goes away
'Cos I swear there are bosses with a secret device
who put the hands of the company clock on ice
And I've met more than a few
who with nothing better to do
bury their clocks in the sand
along with the ostriches and cuckoos too
But the worst ones simply reprogram every computer
then sit and grin as company esprit de corps is neutered
O, by the way, I already see the moon
Jeez! I could have sworn it was only two in the afternoon
newly deceased ghost lit his own caustic farts
wearing aluminum kitty cat ears with red jeweled hearts
our resident wild man Count Dracula laughed
as wisconsin cheese's weird math wizard graphed
gram’s annual preteen sunday school halloween party
was sailing with forthright butt-clenching gasses so farty
too many lima beans hidden under collard greens
fed to disguised beauty queens
embarrassed guests stood with their backs to the wall
scurrying titmouse squeaked displeasure to all
too much cutting of the cheese
a close by witch yelled out “jeez!”
Who made these canapes?
Yelled three disgruntled apes
bathroom was occupied all night
and the living room never smelled right
next year we will serve deer
and a whole lot less beer
beat cop heard what was said
he came around, Captain Fred
he arrested two who were dragg’n
passed out as he pushed them into paddy wagon
was one of those moments of gas
that we all wished would soon pass.
Oh no! Not another poem about God...jeez!
Can't we leave God out of some things...
I mean, Putin likes to do it.
Obama-Pelosi-Clinton-Biden
always do it. The Devil seems locked
in, obsessed with the subject~ cannot
poetry be a place of sanctuary? I will
write of something more interesting...
let me see: hmm...perhaps...no that
won't do...then maybe...I'll get back
to you.
Please, your journeys suspend in winter
Death's Cold on The Body A Printer.
Correct! To Death speedily freeze,
Not salubrious Winter's chilly breeze.
This you tell Your Dearest Jacinta,
I could same say to Christ, The Carpenter;
Asthma's Patients: inhalers or wheeze!
Often, the time to keep saying ‘’Jeez!’’
They are careful who cherish their lives;
If you don’t against self wield knives:
Demand does Survival True Restraint,
On this Sages should not words paint:
It is not The Best of Wisdom
To in Winter assert ‘Legs’ Freedom...
A little rashness cross we The Bridge
And next catapulted to fridge.
Shouldn’t I assert A Maverick of a Woman?
From behind surrendering a man,
With a pistol purse prodding his back
And a warning not to look back.
Soon her determined fingers in his right pocket
From same fishing out a locket…
Jeez! The Guy is in dreamy love
And she about to tamper with A Dove!
“No, it has to be his trousers left pocket”.
But from ransacked same extracts a socket
“God! The Guy is an electrician
And I this couldn’t discern; A Non Magician…
Alright vamoose, looking not back
Unless you safe wisdom lack!”
I cannot my body release
To the least hacking disease
For it does spell the end of ease
And me drop on Medicine’s knees.
I shall pay the asked fixed fee
For a winter’s furnace-hot tea
While Government should plant the tall trees
Against our harsh cold breeze…
Men cardigans wear against The Jeez!
We eerily shout as we freeze
I to be not in-the-fridge cheese
Or like the Awfully Chesty wheeze;
To prompt prevention, sticking
Against the time bomb ticking!
Lavish sauce béarnaise on my pancakes please
I said this diplomatically with ease.
I will readily pay all additional fees.
A corpulent chef ran out and yelled “Jeez!”
Will ruin my food, he coughed with a wheeze.
The customer is right, I said in a tease.
No please not that! He fell on his knees
I said “okay” in answer to his heartfelt pleas.
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